tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4790396293521449566.post719530956243418765..comments2023-10-02T11:36:45.006-04:00Comments on A Passionate and Determined Quest for Adequacy: FGC Gathering: Some Thoughts on PrivilegeAshley Whttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04767912859236943934noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4790396293521449566.post-78313691412156946512013-07-11T09:16:58.874-04:002013-07-11T09:16:58.874-04:00I'm glad it spoke to you, Joanna! Thanks for ...I'm glad it spoke to you, Joanna! Thanks for coming by to read it.<br /><br />I am sure that my writing shows a lot of my own assumptions and biases, which is why I do my best to ground what I say in my own experience. <br /><br />Of course, like everyone, I can be inconsistent. Sometimes I am happy to give out hugs, other times I glare at anyone who invades my personal space. In my workshop, I asked Friends to be clear about what their physical boundaries are, especially when it came to intercessory prayer (a time when many people feel it is appropriate to "lay hands").Ashley Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04767912859236943934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4790396293521449566.post-69347186673381897142013-07-11T09:12:24.155-04:002013-07-11T09:12:24.155-04:00Thank you, Pablo! There are many good things in h...Thank you, Pablo! There are many good things in here and, maybe more importantly, you made me laugh twice! :)<br /><br />Blessings,<br />AshleyAshley Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04767912859236943934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4790396293521449566.post-53300042262980271502013-07-11T09:11:32.338-04:002013-07-11T09:11:32.338-04:00[Part 3 of Pablo's comment]
This is where it ...[Part 3 of Pablo's comment]<br /><br />This is where it comes to the spiritual part – we knew it had to get there – denying someone’s experience is spiritual abuse. “That didn’t happen” or otherwise implying your experience doesn’t matter, those are just another way to say, “If they have no bread, why don’t they eat cake? Let them eat cake!” That is what those with privilege say/mean when they don’t ask the minorities and the marginalized in. It’s abuse to the spirit of the one who does the excluding as well, because it makes them a lesser person, a less rich and experienced soul.<br />“This then is the great historical and human task of the oppressed: to liberate themselves, and thus liberate their oppressors also.” ~Paulo Freire.<br />Go liberate.<br />paz, ~фablo 8^)>Ashley Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04767912859236943934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4790396293521449566.post-21831940306965533862013-07-11T09:10:50.421-04:002013-07-11T09:10:50.421-04:00[Part 2 of Pablo's comment]
[2] assuming we ...[Part 2 of Pablo's comment] <br /><br />[2] assuming we know what it means to be human: the range of human normality is SOOO much larger than the median of the most recognized standards and types. I blame the “Oh-we’re-really-all-alike [actually we aren’t although we do have many common bonds] so-we’ll-just-suppress-those-that-make-us-uncomfortable” attitude too often found among liberals and Quakers (not totally overlapping categories). Instead of asking, it’s easier to assume. Instead of listening, it’s easier to tell others what we expect them to do. It is a question of politics, which is power. Who has the power to make decisions; to ignore someone and their reality? One of the greatest privileges of privilege is the freedom to stay ignorant and be held blameless. If we stand up and say, “Hey! That’s not right!” when it affects us in a way that is not empowered by our society (our Society of Friends even?), we get branded, excluded, limited, judged. And if i say after they’ve judged me wrongly, “That’s wrong!”, then I am the rude one, arrogant, upstart, presumptuous and...Oh! …“loosey-goosey with the truth” ...well i just can’t remember all the things i’ve been called, and i’m relatively nice and kind when i accuse people of pushing me out.<br />Nowadays no one is out and out biased, of course; we’re too subtle to discriminate directly. We don’t have to notice it when it’s institutionalized. They don’t pull your chair out, ask you to leave; just forget to set your place, or put food on the plate you bring, or tell you when dinner is, or plan it on a day you can’t be there…<br /><br />It’s most fun when they judge me because so many of my (dis)abilities and distinctions are invisible to untrained eyes: too white and blue-eyed to be a latino, too straight looking to be gay, too old to be interested in X, too young looking to be old and physically handicapped (but chronic pain and internal injuries are not visible and Value Village makes poverty invisible too...) and people with high IQs are never poor because there’s no discrimination. And definitely too out-going to be a real introvert. All those shoulds, toos; I didn’t get the memo. Who sets people up to judge my veracity? Let alone the reality and meaning of my experience? I spent so much of my life and energy getting to know and be those parts of me, and I spent so much of my life closeted because it wasn’t OK to be the things I am, or they made it clear I wouldn’t be accepted if I let them know. Now I’m out. It’s not OK and I’m not accepted...<br /><br />[Continued . . .]Ashley Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04767912859236943934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4790396293521449566.post-64832778754463430442013-07-11T09:09:22.445-04:002013-07-11T09:09:22.445-04:00[I received this comment from Friend Pablo in an e...[I received this comment from Friend Pablo in an email (evidently Blogger did not want to post it) and said I would post it on his behalf.]<br /><br />Oh, Yes! Ashley,<br />and since you’re young and have no children you also have lots of time for social action ministry and committee work and (we don’t call it this) diaconate ministry like visiting those in need and healing the sick... Well, i’m glad you run races some times. You’ll be in shape to fulfill everyone’s expectations<br />You have many other privileges besides, but i don’t know that it really helps to beat oneself up about completing the list of benes that life has graced us or our parents with. We’d like to think anyone so situated would be likewise privileged, right?<br />The whole privilege discussion (which some of us are surprised is finally happening after we pushed it and pushed it 20 years ago, 15 years ago, and 10 years ago to no effect...) is always about two subjects, i think: <br />[1] judging: how we discriminate the differences among people and the assumptions we make about them and their diversity and how they would like to be treated (i prefer to put the positive spin on it; i’d hope that we’re just trying to be accommodating to different preferences...). I for one do not want people to be color, gender, age, background blind. E.g.: Like most black people who do not want their African heritage erased or ignored, i’m tired of trying to convince anglos that my latino heritage and experience actually matters to me since they don’t see me acting like a cartoon Messicun all the time. My marriages to 2 men who died of AIDS are as important to me and the being widowed was as hard on me as on people with legal marriages... and no one thinks of that, well, because, well, we wouldn’t want to point out that those marriages weren’t legal or that they were gay and that would be noticing a difference, right? So we still have to work so hard to differentiate and work with the subtlety between identifying what someone IS and how that’s important to them (or maybe just to their ego); recognizing or even celebrating their difference from oneself or especially from the “norm” (privileged); learning and sharing our differences; generalizing from the common experiences of those who are not median standard and accommodating to the needs and wider range of options inclusivity requires; prejudicing ourselves against groups because of individuals and vice versa; judging people because they don’t fit into one’s subconscious expectations of what people SHOULD be doing because of their age/gender/sex(&/or orientation)/economics/education/etc/etc...<br /><br />[Continued . . .]Ashley Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04767912859236943934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4790396293521449566.post-14108713210396492732013-07-10T21:30:14.548-04:002013-07-10T21:30:14.548-04:00Thank you for writing this!
Thanks especially for...Thank you for writing this!<br /><br />Thanks especially for #4. I do tend to be a hugger, though I don't hug people I don't already know fairly well without asking if that's okay--I wonder, though, if asking still feels like pressure? But beyond that I do have boundaries further out than some Friends seem to assume. I find the name 'cuddle puddle' alarming, and I remember the Quaker gathering at which we'd been wrestling with some tender questions about economics and calling and God and then the workshop leader said we'd all get in a circle and give each other back rubs to help everyone relax again. . . I found the back-rubbing rather more tension-inducing than the conversation.<br /><br />I hadn't thought of the issue of advice given to ministers as gendered, maybe because my temptation is definitely to speak to much and too lightly.<br /><br />The part about YAFs as having less money, not having vacation homes and having to pay off college loans makes sense now I think about it, but it struck me oddly at first, since where I come from going to college and owning a home are both signs of privilege that are far from universal...it's all a matter of one's context, I guess. Joanna Hoythttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13447960126998692419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4790396293521449566.post-35649622473475857412013-07-10T10:16:54.931-04:002013-07-10T10:16:54.931-04:00Thanks for adding your perspective, Christine.Thanks for adding your perspective, Christine.Ashley Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04767912859236943934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4790396293521449566.post-38273403494899801532013-07-10T10:10:02.257-04:002013-07-10T10:10:02.257-04:00Ashley, Thanks... I'm printing this out... for...Ashley, Thanks... I'm printing this out... for my meeting, and beyond. <br /><br />Things I notice: <br /><br />1) When facilitating mixed-age groups, I notice that younger people are often dominated by older folks who wish to "impart" wisdom, and are not as inclined to listen to others' concerns -- <br /><br />2) I'm not the "touchy-feely" sort... though not for the same reasons. I found my boundaries consistently impinged a few years back when my small group expected "healing touch" was the norm. That happens a lot. <br /><br />3) In mixed cultural groups, I find it's most often the white folks (all ages) who initiate/dominate the conversation, without waiting for other perspectives. <br /><br />Christine Greenland<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Christine Greenland https://www.blogger.com/profile/13066629687168850398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4790396293521449566.post-22898123569159736282013-07-10T09:07:50.482-04:002013-07-10T09:07:50.482-04:00Thanks for saying so, Liz! I'm glad the post ...Thanks for saying so, Liz! I'm glad the post spoke to you.Ashley Whttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04767912859236943934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4790396293521449566.post-61283169062600939642013-07-10T08:47:31.945-04:002013-07-10T08:47:31.945-04:00I really resonate with this post, especially assum...I really resonate with this post, especially assumptions 1, 2 and 3. Thank you for your ministry!Liz in the Misthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13535396346855135995noreply@blogger.com