Sex Without Love

Last winter, I had sex with a man a few times.  We weren't dating, really, though we went out to dinner occasionally.  For reasons that are unimportant here, we both knew that the relationship had no future.  

But there was heat.  I didn't want him to be my boyfriend, but he smelled great, I liked the way he tasted, and when he touched me, I melted.

We had conversations about what it all meant, and agreed that we weren't committed to each other or even exclusive.  But sometimes, when we were out in public, he would put his arm around me.  I would awkwardly shrug my way out of it.  

I knew he felt hurt, but I still didn't want to make what we were doing public.  I said that it was because I was new here, and thought that it was because I knew it wasn't going to last.

I've been thinking about this again recently, and realized why I didn't want him to be affectionate in public.  We were doing exactly the same thing, but it made him a stud and it made me a slut.  

Fuck purity culture.