Sanctuary

In the last School of the Spirit residency, our core teacher Patty walked us through the steps of lectio divina: lectio (reading and listening), meditatio (meditating, ruminating, and pondering), oratio (conscious response) and contemplatio (contemplation, resting in God).  

To get us started, she had volunteers read Psalm 15 and Psalm 130 aloud, in two different translations.  She invited us to listen deeply to the words, thinking around them, to see what arose for us.  The verse that jumped out for me was the beginning of Psalm 15:1,

Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary?

The first word that caught my attention was "sanctuary."  I thought about how a sanctuary is a place of peace and refuge.  The image that came to my mind was of the sanctuary at Plymouth Church, across the street from where I work.  It is a lovely place, filled with light, and the people who work at Plymouth are always willing to open the doors to the sanctuary if I want to go in to pray.

Then I started to think about the word "dwell."  This verse reflects the writer's longing to dwell in God's sanctuary.  The Psalm goes on to list the things a person can do to stay with God, but I find the answer to this question in Psalm 23:6,

I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Things we choose to do may bring us closer to God, but really it is grace that allows us to dwell in the house of the Lord, in God's sanctuary, forever.

Last year, I wrote about going to an Ash Wednesday service at Plymouth Church and feeling led to not put ashes on my forehead.  I did the same thing this year.  I also have not given anything up for Lent.  Despite the lack of outward signs, I have found myself appreciating Lent more this year than I ever have before.

Lent is a time when the church acknowledges how long and dark the winter can be.  There is space in Lent for us to cry out and share our longing for God.  But even when God seems impossibly distant and it feels like we are spending these 40 days in the desert, Lent holds the promise that the Living Christ will come to us again―in Easter, in spring, and in unexpected ways throughout our lives.

Neither Snow nor Rain

As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. 

(Isaiah 55:10-11)

It was as if I appeared at the School of the Spirit residency in the middle of the night.  I went to Pendle Hill a few days before the residency, to spend time with my friend Charley, who is working there, and to try to get on East coast time before going to North Carolina.  Two feet of snow changed my plans a little.  After delayed and canceled flights (and a wonderful late-night ride from the airport), I finally stumbled into my bed in Avila just after 2 a.m.

The next morning, I hurried to breakfast, excited to see the others in my class.  On the way there, I ran into Lisa.  I said, "Good morning!"  She looked a little startled and responded, "We're in silence!"

I was a little disappointed.  I wanted to greet everyone, but instead we would be having a silent breakfast.  At least I would be able to see them.  

I went into breakfast and was overjoyed to see so many familiar faces.  As I got my food, friends noticed that I had arrived and welcomed me with hugs and smiles.  I sat down at the table and started in on my pancakes, to be interrupted as people came up behind me and to give me a hug.  Joy was sitting at the opposite end of the table and offered me her orange juice and when I looked down, I had three glasses of orange juice in front of me!

Later, after we broke the silence, I did get a chance to say hello to everyone and to catch up.  I was amazed, though, at how much love I felt even when no one was saying a word.

Semi-Programmed

A few months ago, a friend from an unprogrammed meeting wrote me an email.  Among other things, he asked about my experiences with semi-programmed worship.  He said,

I sense that it has "life in it" for you, and I would like to know how you experience it in contrast to how you experience unprogrammed worship.

When I visited Freedom Friends Church this past weekend, I remembered our email exchange.  The email I wrote back to him was one of the most thorough descriptions of worship at Freedom Friends I have written, and I thought I'd share  it (with a few minor changes) here.

Dear Friend,

I have been thinking about your question, what has life for me in semi-programed worship. 

At Freedom Friends Church (FFC), our programing is pretty light.  We start by singing 3-4 songs (usually accompanied by Alivia on acoustic guitar, often people will request their favorites), followed by a few minutes of centering silence.  Then the pastor, Peggy, asks Friends to share out of the silence things they are grateful for ("gratitudes").  After everyone who wants to has shared, she closes with vocal prayer, then asks Friends to share places where we need God's help ("petitions").   When that is done, she closes again with vocal prayer, then leads us into about 45 minutes of unprogrammed worship.

All of these pieces are meaningful for me.  I love to sing, and when I came to my unprogrammed meeting in Seattle, that was the part I missed most.  I have tried joining different choirs (including the Seattle Peace Chorus, which has a membership pretty similar to a liberal Friends meeting), but there is something different about singing praise to God with members of my faith community. 

The gratitudes and petitions give us a chance to share our joys and sorrows with God and with the community―we really know what is going on in each other's lives.  I frequently wish there was a place for this kind of sharing in my unprogrammed meeting in Seattle (instead, it sometimes comes out during worship). 

Some of the folks at FFC can be a little twitchy and I think the time for singing and sharing helps us focus and center and makes the waiting worship deeper.  Our pastor stresses that the format of the meeting is a spiritual practice that we can do every day, not just on Sunday morning.  We are also aware that we are all learning together, and there is a tenderness toward each other's messages that I haven't always found in other meetings.

As you can see, I can go on and on about FFC!  Although I have had many Spirit-filled experiences in unprogrammed meetings, FFC is my spiritual home.  I would be happy to talk more about it or answer any questions, either in person or by email.

With love,

Ashley

Resolution

I started this year thinking that I would not have a New Year's resolution.  I posted the welcoming prayer, thinking that maybe I would have a prayer instead of a resolution this year.  Although that is still my prayer for the year, I decided that I should have a resolution too:

This year, I resolve to take up more space.

I don't plan to physically get bigger, but I am going to try to speak up more.  I know this won't be easy, but I think it's important, and I hope with some practice, it won't be quite so hard.

In the spirit of this resolution, I thought I'd post about the books I was in last year.  Two books came out last year that included pieces I wrote, and I haven't mentioned them at all on my blog yet.

The first is Writing Cheerfully on the Web, edited by Elizabeth A. Oppenheimer.  This book includes blog posts by 32 Quakers from the various branches of the Religious Society of Friends.  One of the things I love about reading Quaker blogs is how each post is like snapshots―a look into where the writer is and how she is living up to her measure Light in that moment.  This book is like a snapshot of the conversations Friends were having over a few years.  I enjoyed seeing how the writers were interacting with each other through their blogs.  It was also fun for me to see so many familiar names.  I met some of these Friends as a direct result of having this blog, and it is thrilling to see all of these bloggers together in print.  I think this book is a fun read and raises good questions, regardless of whether you follow the Quaker blogosphere.

The second book that includes a piece I wrote is Enlivened by the Mystery, edited by Kathy Hyzy.  In this book, Friends responded to the question, "How have you experienced God or the Divine?"  The responses include stories, poems, and photos, as well as essays and artwork.  Each section begins with a few queries, and reading through the book is like sitting in meeting for worship.  Some of the pieces made me laugh and others made me want to cry.  I am grateful that Friends shared so deeply and amazed at all of the ways that we see God at work in our lives.

I recommend both of these books to you.  I am not trying to sell you anything (and I don't get any money when either of these books are sold), but I think these books represent some of the best writing by Friends published in the last year and I feel blessed and honored to be included in them.

More Thoughts on Leadings

Should one have a sense of leading before serving on a committee?

This question has surfaced in a variety of ways in my meeting recently and has been troubling me.  The argument seems to be that there are certain All-Purpose Friends who Get Things Done and do good work on many different kinds of committees.  Thus, the nominating committee can put these Friends just about anywhere, to the good of the meeting.  The All-Purpose Friend sees that something needs to be done, agrees he could do it, and says yes to the nomination.

The problem for me is that whenever I agree to serve on a committee without a sense of leading, things go badly.  Committee meetings feel like a burden, conflicts arise, and the work is not smooth.  I get resentful and feel like I am not appreciated.

This is not to say that things are always easy when I do something because I have a sense of leading.  On the contrary, that work is hard too, and I usually find myself questioning my decision at some point.  But there is an underlying sense of rightness, or at least a memory of my initial clarity to help me through hard times.

So I think it is important for Friends to have a sense of leading before serving on a committee.

The next question is, what does it mean to have a leading?  I don't have a good answer for that.  I know how I feel when I have a leading, but I don't know how other people feel unless we talk about it.  And I know there are not always words to describe the experience, but I want to know how other Friends experience the Spirit or Way Opening when considering what to do.

At the center of this is our commitment to listen to the Spirit.  The role of the meeting is to listen to the Spirit and name gifts in Friends, gifts that the Friends may not know they have.  The role of the individual is to listen to the Spirit, consider the gifts the meeting has seen in them, and use those gifts for the good of the community.

But what do we do if no one has a leading to do something we consider essential to the life of the meeting?  What we always do: wait, listen, and trust that God will give us everything we need.

Registration Is Open!

One of the many things to look forward to in the new year is the 2010 Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference.  Those of us on the planning committee have been working on this conference for about a year and a half now and it is hard for me to believe that it will be happening so soon.  Registration for the conference is now open online and we have a great new website, thanks to Sarah P.  I am especially excited about our theme, and I look forward to the ways God will work in and through us as we gather together.

Date:  June 16-20, 2010 at Seabeck Conference Center in Seabeck, WA

Theme: Walk With Me: Mentors, Elders, and Friends

Quotes for Reflection:

In preparation for the conference, each woman is asked to write a brief reflection paper (1-2 pages) on the theme and/or any of the quotes below, and submit the paper online. The papers will be collected and shared only with other women who are attending the conference.

From: 2 Timothy 1:5-7

I’m reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois, then in your mother Eunice, and now, I’m certain, in you as well. That’s why I want to remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God didn’t give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, of self-discipline.

From: Martha Paxson Grundy, Tall Poppies: Supporting Gifts of Ministry and Eldering in the Monthly Meeting, p. 27, Pendle Hill Publications.

Many Friends today are crying out for spiritual mentors, for ministers and elders who are lovingly steeped in our tradition. Some Friends hunger for a deeper relationship with God, for a connection with a divine power that heals and empowers. We long for wise and loving role models and examples.

From: Patricia Loring, Listening Spirituality Vol. II, 1999.

As meetings became settled, elders performed a variety of functions, according to their gifts and leadings. . . . [A]ll gifts and ministries were for building up the spiritual life of the meeting and the Society: directing and re-directing people to the Spirit of God, to the Inward Christ, the Light, the Inward Teacher, the Guide, the one true Priest and Shepherd. It was clearly understood that any member of the meeting might be called to some part of this service, but that some were specifically led by the Spirit at any given time.

About the Conference:

The Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference draws women from Friends churches and meetings throughout the Pacific Northwest. Our primary goal is to spend time listening to God and to each other. The focus on narrative theology encourages women to share deeply and talk about how the Spirit is at work in their lives.

During the conference, we worship through singing, unprogrammed silent worship, and a message from a pastor. The conference also provides opportunities for women to share their interests in workshops, interest groups, activities, and free time. Home groups provide a safe space for women to reflect, process, and share from their own experiences.

By bringing women together from the different branches of Friends, we hope to discover the best of our faith tradition and take what we have learned back to our faith communities. We also hope that the bonds of friendship we form will extend beyond the conference and help us move toward reconciliation.

Welcome

Near the beginning of the most recent School of the Spirit residency, Patty L taught us a welcoming prayer:

Welcome, welcome, welcome.
I welcome everything that comes to me in this moment
Because I know it is for my healing.
I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations, and conditions.

I let go of my desire for security.
I let go of my desire for approval.
I let go of my desire for control.
I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person, or myself.

I open to the love and presence of God
And the healing action and grace within.

I found this prayer very challenging.  The part that I found hardest was welcoming my emotions.  My emotions can be big and scary and sometimes I don't want to welcome them.  But I know that being honest about how I feel makes me more whole.

I also have a hard time with letting go of my desire to "change any situation, condition, person, or myself."  I want to change things, and especially myself, all the time!  My strong reactions to this prayer were a pretty clear sign that this is a good prayer for me.

I have been thinking about the welcoming prayer again as the new year gets closer.  The coming year will be a year of a lot of change, some I know about and some that I don't.  Because I don't always respond well to change, I am trying to make this welcoming prayer my prayer for the new year.

I welcome the ways my life will change this year.  I welcome my emotions, my fear and anger as well as my joy and love, because I know they are for my healing.  I welcome my mistakes because it is by making mistakes that I learn and grow.  I welcome all of the people in my life and I pray I will be present for them when they need me and open to them when I need them.  Most of all, I welcome the presence of God in my life, and I welcome wherever that presence may lead me this year.