Paying Attention

[My reflection paper for the Ninth Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference, which will take place June 13-17, 2012.]

“On my good days I find grace in any number of places . . . .  On bad days, I don’t find grace anywhere, but that usually means I’m not paying attention.”  Nancy Thomas, preface, The Secret Colors of God: Poems by Nancy Thomas (Barclay Press, 2005), p. xiii.

About a year ago, I started getting a message.  The message was, “When they ask you to speak, say yes.”  I had no idea who the “they” was, or where I would be asked to speak, but otherwise the message was clear.  I don’t get specific instructions from God very often, so when I do, I try to pay attention.

Soon after, I got an email from the women’s conference organizers, asking if I would be willing to consider being a plenary speaker at the conference.  That seemed like the question I had been waiting to hear.  But as I read the rest of the email, I saw that the theme of the conference would be “Living in the life and power:  Inviting, Contemplating, and Enacting Grace.”

Despite growing up in the evangelical church―or maybe because I did―grace has never been a very meaningful concept for me.  It is a word I have heard my entire life, but I had never given it much thought.

Around the same time, I had a conversation with my friend Betsy.  I told her that I was trying to discern whether to volunteer as a plenary speaker for the women’s conference.  I said that I had felt a leading to speak, but I didn’t know what I would say about grace.  She responded, “I think grace is a wonderful thing for you to live into for the next year.”

So I told the planning committee that I did feel led to be a plenary speaker, and I asked to speak on the topic of “inviting grace,” because that was what I would be doing!

Since then, grace has appeared everywhere.  Once I started paying attention, I noticed how often it comes up in conversation.  I also began asking others what grace means to them and how it has affected their lives.  Slowly, I began to get a sense of the message I might give at the conference.

Grace is still a vast and mysterious concept for me, but I have enjoyed the perspectives on it that women have shared in their papers, and I look forward to the time we will spend together in June sharing our experiences of grace.

FWCC World Conference: Update and Thank You

Dear Friends and Family,

After nearly two years of preparation, I will be leaving on Wednesday for Kenya to attend the FWCC World Conference of Friends.  I wanted to write you all again before I go to let you know a little more about what I will be doing there and to say thank you for your support. 

When I first wrote asking for support, my fundraising goal was $1,500.  Since then, thanks to all of you, I have raised $1,450.  Thank you to everyone who sent cards, notes, and emails, as well as checks, and thank you to all of you who have kept me in your prayers.  I am also grateful to Friends Journal for paying for my conference registration, to my Mom, who gave me thousands of frequent flyer miles, and to Freedom Friends Church, for sending me with love and a traveling minute.

On Wednesday morning, I will be flying first to Boston, where I am planning to have dinner with Bruce, a School of the Spirit classmate.  Then, I will fly to London and Nairobi, arriving on Thursday night.  For the first five days, I will be on a tour of Nairobi.  On April 17, I will travel to Kabarak for the World Conference of Friends.  The full schedule for the conference is on the website.  I will be traveling back on April 25-26, arriving in Portland the night of April 26.

I am not planning to post on my blog while I am traveling, but I hope to send some updates to Friends Journal.  If you would like more information about the conference in general, there are several ways to follow along.  The conference website will be posting photos and speeches from the conference each day. On Facebook, "like" the conference page to get updates.  On Twitter, follow @Kabarak2012 for official conference info and @FWCCAmericas for staff updates; the hashtag for the conference is #FWCC2012.

Thank you again for your prayers and support.  This trip would not be possible without all of you.

With love,
Ashley

Traveling Minute

April 1, 2012

Dear Friends at Kabarak University, Kenya, Africa, and everywhere:

This letter is an introduction to and a travelling minute for Ashley W. She is a member in good standing of Freedom Friends Church, and is also our presiding clerk. Ashley is a beloved member of our community and we commend her to your good and gracious care.

Ashley will be travelling to and from Kabarak University, near Nakuru, Kenya, Africa, in April of 2012. She will represent Freedom Friends Church at the FWCC World Conference of Friends 17-25 April 2012. She will be doing visitation and various ministry activities while there. Prior to the conference she will also be touring in other parts of Kenya. Please greet her with love, care and share with her how God is with you.

If Ashley needs assistance, please assist her as if she were one of your own family or community. She is dear to us and we look forward to her safe return to us. She will bring us word of how God’s good work is flourishing among you, about how you love one another and serve each other in the light of God. We are praying for you, and look forward to hearing news of you.

Thank you, and may the God of all Creation bless and encourage you through Ashley and through each other.

Alivia B, Pastor

Freedom Friends Church

One Thread

I am leaving for Kenya in two weeks.  Between getting vaccinations for exotic tropical diseases and finding a travel alarm clock, I have been preparing for the thread group I will be leading at the World Conference of Friends.

The thread groups are three-day afternoon workshops near the beginning of the conference that explore the theme at greater depth.  My thread group is part of the sub-theme "Salt and Light" and it is called "Convergent Friends: worship and conversation."

Preparing for this thread group has been a little daunting.  Although I have led workshops in the past, it has always been as a co-leader.  This is my first workshop as a leader instead of co-leading.

Fortunately, I am not alone.  I have the wonderful support of my elder, Lucy F.  Even though we are in different cities, Lucy has been providing good counsel and grounding this ministry.  I am looking forward to being able to work together in person!

I have also been thinking about what it means to be a convergent Friend.  In a recent Friends Journal article, Robin M defined convergent Friends as:

Friends who are seeking a deeper understanding of our Quaker heritage and a more authentic life in the kingdom of God on Earth, radically inclusive of all who seek to live this life.

 In my description of the thread group, I said,

The term “convergent Friends” describes a movement of Quakers coming together across the branches of Friends to try to discover the best of our tradition.

Earlier this week, I was reminded that the convergent Friends movement looks different depending on where you are coming from.

On Sunday evening, Sarah H and I drove up to Camas Friends Church for Convergent Friends Worship.  Camas Friends has been hosting a convergent worship once a month, inviting Friends from the meetings and churches in the surrounding area to come together to worship.

When we arrived, Friends were greeting each other and having coffee and tea.  We saw several people we know from different meetings.  After greeting each other, we settled into worship, which began with a time for Bible reading as led, then open worship, and ended with responses to a query.

For Friends from unprogrammed meetings, the time dedicated to Bible reading would be a change from their usual practice.  Friends from programmed meetings might not be used the amount of time spent in unprogrammed worship.  And at Freedom Friends, we don't often spend time responding to queries.  So for all of the Friends gathered there, parts of the worship were familiar and parts were new or different from their usual practices.

One of my hopes for the thread group is that it will be like that worship—that some parts will feel familiar and other parts will be new or challenging.  I think it helps if the parts that are new for some are familiar for others, so that those who are more comfortable can help ground those who are experiencing something for the first time.

But, most of all, I pray that in our worship and conversation, we will feel the presence of the living God among us.

Little Children

And Jesus said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

Matthew 18:3

I never liked the verse where Jesus tells his disciples to become like children much.  It was a verse that I heard a lot growing up, and it always seemed to be one of those verses that people quoted to put others in their place.  Or one that inspired people to write creepy "Jesus is my daddy" contemporary worship songs.

But then, at one of the School of the Spirit residencies, my friend Judy G gave a message during worship that changed how I felt about the verse entirely.  

Judy said that she was at her meeting one Sunday when a young girl, maybe four or five years old, came in with her parents.  The girl was wearing a lovely dress and seemed quite proud of it.  

A Friend approached the girl and said, "You look so pretty in that dress today!"  

She responded, "I know!"

That is how little children are.  They haven't yet learned what adults have―to respond with false humility or with very real self-loathing.  They are joyful in their beauty.

With that in mind, I think Jesus was right to say what he did.  Be like those children.  Know that you were made in the image of God.  You are beautiful to God.  And the love of God that comes through you makes you beautiful to others as well.

Playlist II

A few days ago, I found myself making a new playlist for my ipod.  My playlists tend to be based on emotions or themes; last spring, I made one called "Ministry."  

In honor of my upcoming trip to Kenya, this one is named "home."  It has 40 songs, which seems fitting for the season.  As I was listening to it, I realized that I could have also named it "Psalms."  Like the Psalms, it covers just about every human emotion.  

I am hopeful that when I am feeling far from home, it will help remind me who I am and where I come from.

home 

Sigh No More, Mumford & Sons

You Are a Tourist, Death Cab For Cutie

Suspended In Gaffa, Ra Ra Riot

My Night with the Prostitute From Marseille, Beirut

Sing You Home, Kathleen Hannan

Rapture, Pedro the Lion

The Burden of Vision, Jon Watts

You and Me (But Mostly Me), The Book of Mormon

Romeo & Juliet, Indigo Girls

The Gin War, Cassino

Baptize Me, The Book of Mormon

The Cave, Mumford & Sons

The Soldiering Life, The Decemberists

City With No Children, Arcade Fire

Iowa (Traveling 3), Dar Williams

People, David Bazan

Our Deliverance, Indigo Girls

Stay Young, Go Dancing, Death Cab For Cutie

Little Lion Man, Mumford & Sons

Unforgiven, The Go-Go's

Let's Get Naked, Jon Watts

Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains), Arcade Fire

Won't Let Go, David Bazan

Platano, Cassino

Be Thou My Vision, Alivia Biko

Some Boys, Death Cab For Cutie

I Believe, The Book of Mormon

Lifted Up, Jon Watts

Pink Triangle, Weezer

Morning has Broken, Alivia Biko

Wolves at the Door, David Bazan

The Wolves (Act I and II), Bon Iver

Wild World, Cat Stevens

Heartbeats, Jose Gonzalez

Better, Regina Spektor

An Owl with Knees, The Books

Mykonos, Fleet Foxes

America, Simon and Garfunkel

What I'm Trying to Say, Stars

God Be in My Head, John Rutter

Setting Captives Free

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners."

Isaiah 61:1

I have an occasional ministry of liberating moths.

In general, when insects get into my house, I do my best to escort them outside.  Freeing moths is different, though.  I have set moths free on two occasions (so far).

The first time was a few years ago.  When I lived in Seattle, I worked on the 26th floor of one of the very tall buildings downtown.  Each day, I would take a very fast elevator up to the 26th floor, walk through the lobby, and use my key card to let myself in to where I worked.  We had a lovely view of the Puget Sound from that height but, of course, none of the windows opened.

One day, I walked out of the elevator into the lobby and saw a moth flying around.  Oh, no!  I thought.  There was no way that it would be able to survive in that sterile environment.  So I pushed the elevator button and got back on.  The moth got on with me.  We rode down to the ground floor, where the door opened, and the moth flew out.  I rode the elevator back up alone, feeling like a hero.

The second time was just last fall.  I was taking the train up to Portland to visit some friends and I realized just before I got to the station that I had forgotten my water bottle at home.  It was a warm day and I was thirsty after walking to the train station, so I decided to buy a bottle of water from the vending machine.  

I was kicking myself for forgetting my water bottle―I was annoyed at having to spend money on a bottle of water and I always feel guilty about using plastic bottles―but I bought it anyway.  As my bottle of water thumped to the bottom of the machine, a moth flew flew out.  Who knows how long it had been trapped in there, but my spontaneous purchase set it free.

Sometimes, setting captives free feels like being Moses―leading those who are trapped out of bondage and into freedom.  Other times, it can feel like a mistake, like forgetting to bring a water bottle.