Conversation

The next class for the School of the Spirit Ministry's program On Being a Spiritual Nurturer will be starting in just a few weeks.  Mary Linda, who I met at North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative), will be in that class.  Over the past few days, she and I have been having an emailed conversation about my experiences with the School of the Spirit.  With her permission, I am posting some of that conversation here.

MARY LINDA:  What was the most surprising thing you learned from SotS?

ASHLEY:   I think the most surprising thing for me was how much I had to say. I struggled with the grand silences because a lot of the program for me was about finding my voice. Once I did, I didn't want to be quiet!

MARY LINDA:   What do you mean? Like learning to trust the intimacy of the group and yourself so you were able to share yourself? Or something else?

ASHLEY:   More like the group was a safe space for me to learn about myself, and that one of the things I learned was that I had a lot to say. Does that make sense?

MARY LINDA:   Yes, and it must have been a wonderful thing to come to realize. Has it carried forward to other aspects of your life?

ASHLEY:   Absolutely. I feel much more grounded and confident as a result of the program. Particularly in ministry, but the line between ministry and everything else is pretty blurry!

MARY LINDA:   Did anything disappoint you about your experience with SotS?

ASHLEY:   It was a little hard for me that people weren't very good at keeping in touch between the residencies. I think I felt that especially because I lived so far away from everyone. We were all so close when we were together, and there would be a flurry of emails right before and after each residency, but not an ongoing conversation.

MARY LINDA:   I can see that. How's it been since your class ended? Have you been able to maintain contact with the people you felt closest with?

ASHLEY:   Our last residency was in May 2011, so over a year now. I have been able to keep in touch with some, but not all. It depends a lot on how much they use email and social media. I see Charley most often, because she lives closest, but run into others occasionally. It was so good to see so many people at NCYM-C!

MARY LINDA:   It seemed like Old Home Week to me, for sure! I was happy to meet you and some other people who mean so much to Mark. What do you wish you'd done differently in regards to SotS?

ASHLEY:   That one is hard to answer. It felt like most things happened the way they were supposed to.  It did take me a while to realize that I needed a recovery day after the residencies, both because of the travel and because the residencies were pretty intense. If I could talk to myself before I started the program, I would probably say, "Don't worry so much, it's going to be great!"

MARY LINDA:  Knowing you from a distance for years via the Quaker blog-o-sphere, I only see what you've been led to share but you strike me as someone who was already deeply spiritually directed and faithful. How did your relationship with God change through and after SotS? What did you learn about God and yourself?

ASHLEY:   In some ways, the spiritual practices in SotS felt like a natural extension of what I was already doing. And I had already been traveling in the ministry for over a year before starting the program, so the travel felt a little like more of the same.

I'd say one of the biggest things for me was a sense of how expansive God's love is, for me and for others. Before starting the program, I was honestly worried that I didn't have room in my heart for all of these new people. Of course, I did, and for so many more that I met through SotS, directly and indirectly.

I think being a part of the class/community softened me. There were several times over the course of those two years where I would see someone do something thoughtless, and then turn around and be a clear channel for God's love. I came to see how everyone is a mixed bag---myself included---and God loves us all anyway.

I also learned how much support I need for ministry. That was hard for me because I like to think of myself as independent and self-sufficient, but I really need a lot of support. My care committees, my k-group, my class, and the two meetings I was a part of were all anchors for my ministry over those two years.

Report on Visiting NCYM-C

Report on Visiting North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative)

Radical Hospitality: Cherishing the Old, Attending the New

July 12-15, 2012, Greensboro, NC

I visited North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative) annual sessions, which took place July 12-15, 2012.  I arrived in Greensboro the evening of July 10 and spent the night at Jan and Charlie A’s farm.  The next day, Jan and I went to Guilford College to check in for annual sessions and attend worship under the care of yearly meeting Ministry and Oversight and the open meeting of Ministry and Oversight.  The registrar reported that over the course of the annual sessions, 47 members of NCYM-C attended, along with 27 visitors.

Responses to the queries

NCYM-C is structured so that the majority of decisions are made at the monthly meeting level.  For example, each monthly meeting decides whether to record ministers and elders―some do and some do not.  A large part of the business sessions was spent hearing from the monthly meetings.  Representatives read the state of the meeting reports and responses to the queries.  The query responses showed the diversity within the yearly meeting.  I was impressed by the honest responses to the queries and how Friends in NCYM-C can hold a variety of positions but still be within the same yearly meeting.

One of the highlights for me was the Bible study, which took place each day for 45 minutes after breakfast.  The theme was “Radical Hospitality,” and Deborah S did a wonderful job of embodying that theme.  After welcoming everyone, she read the Bible passages for the day twice and asked us to settle into worship.  Then we divided into pairs to reflect on what arose for us in the passages.  Finally, we shared in the full group.  I appreciated Deborah’s instructions to listen for what was new in the passages that were familiar, and her focus on the heart instead of the head.  It was also a lovely way to get to know people in the yearly meeting better as I shared with different partners each day.

Me and Deborah S

I enjoyed reading the part of Anna in Charley B’s play “The Call” again.  It was a lot of fun to do the play with School of the Spirit classmates, and the Friends from NCYM-C who joined us were very enthusiastic.  I am grateful for Charley’s work; her play raises a lot of the issues that come up around young adult Friends traveling in the ministry, but it does so in a non-confrontational way.  The reading generated good conversation about traveling ministry and hospitality.

I had the sense as I went to the yearly meeting that I was just supposed to be available.  That was helpful for me because it allowed me to say no to anything that felt like it would get in the way of being available.  I felt very present in the moment, and glad that I could be free for opportunities for conversation and worship.  I also felt good about my level of self-care.  Although I attended many of the business meetings, I did not feel the need to be present for all of them, and I took naps and other breaks.

Usually when I travel, I am very specific about finding an elder ahead of time.  Even though there were many people at the annual sessions who have served in that role for me before and I think would have been happy to do so again, I didn't ask anyone.  As a Friend there noted, there were a lot of folks there who had my back.

Plain Friends and technology

I had the opportunity to connect with Friends from different branches, both in the annual sessions and otherwise.  It was good to see several friends from North Carolina Yearly Meeting (FUM).  I was amused by how people from both yearly meetings were interested in the “other” Friends―they live in the same state, it seems like it would be easy for them to talk directly to each other instead of talking to me!  (And to be fair, some of them do.)  I was glad to be able to be a bridge between different kinds of Friends.

One of the issues that came up in a variety of ways during annual sessions was how to support ministers and elders.  Ministry and Oversight scheduled a time for recorded ministers and elders to meet for mutual support.  Meetings that do not record ministers are considering other ways to name and support spiritual gifts.  And I had several conversations with people about ways to support ministry spiritually and financially.  I felt very supported while I was there and many people wished me well in my ministry.

I am grateful for the travel grant from FWCC that made this travel in the ministry possible, for NCYM-C’s hospitality and a scholarship to cover my registration, for Freedom Friends Church providing me with love, support, a traveling minute, and a clearness committee, and for all of the Friends who were praying for me and who welcomed me.  Our time together was blessed, and I hope to spend more time with Friends in North Carolina in the future.

Summer Reading

Summer is a great time for some light reading outside.  While some use that time to catch up on a mystery series or those classics they have been meaning to get to, I seem to be drawn to spiritual memoirs, particularly ones written by women.  Here are a few that I have enjoyed recently.

Jesus Loves Women: A Memoir of Body and Spirit, by Tricia Gates Brown.  This book was recommended to me by Cherice B, who wrote a review on her blog.  If it hadn't been for Cherice's recommendation, I know I would not have read it, the title would have been too off-putting, but I'm glad she did.  In the introduction, Brown wrote that she is drawn to "the complex interplay of body and spirit, of the sensual and the spiritual, and the sexual and the spiritual."  As I read that, a voice inside me said, Yes!  This is what we need!  I am grateful for Brown's honesty in telling her own story, and the connections she makes between spirituality and the body.  I do not know Brown personally, but she is a Quaker who lives in the Pacific Northwest, and it was fun to read a memoir with such a familiar setting. 

Beginner's Grace: Bringing Prayer to Life, by Kate Braestrup.  I first got to know some of Kate Braestrup's story in her book Here If You Need Me, about her work as a chaplain to game wardens in Maine (if you have not read that book yet, go get it from your library immediately).  I grew up in a family and school where prayer was a given, so it surprises me how often I hear people say that they do not know how to pray.  For anyone looking for ways to pray, I recommend this book.  It is approachable and funny, filled with stories from Braestrup's life as well as a lot of great prayers.  Braestrup does a good job of showing the vast variety of kinds of prayers―she does not even get to prayers where you ask for things until p. 131!  There is also an appendix in the back with all of the prayers that are included throughout the book, many of which are by Braestrup.

Flunking Sainthood: A Year of Breaking the Sabbath, Forgetting to Pray, and Still Loving My Neighbor, by Jana Riess.  This is the lightest of the three books, and at times reads like blog posts instead of a book.  For one year, Riess set out to become more saintly by assigning herself a different spiritual practice each month, beginning with fasting.  Reading this book felt a little like School of the Spirit-lite.  There were a lot of familiar readings (The Desert Mothers and Fathers!  The Rule of Saint Benedict!), but she didn't go deep into any of them.  Riess states at various points that she feels like her spiritual practice is superficial, and I have to agree.  She also recognizes by the end that these practices are meant to be done in community and it is less meaningful to try to do them alone.  I think Riess is a little hard on herself when she says that she failed all of the spiritual practices―I think she had relative success with many of them, but she set herself up to fail with unreasonable expectations.  Still, it is a very funny book and an easy way to learn about a lot of different spiritual practices.

Have you read any good books lately?  What would you recommend?

Here, Again

The days after getting home from traveling ministry can be a little rough, filled with emotional, spiritual, and physical highs and lows.  I have done this enough times now (and enough times recently!) to know that this too shall pass.  

When I lived in Seattle, my roommate had a magnet on our refrigerator that said, 

"Avoid making irrevocable decisions when tired or hungry." Robert A. Heinlein

Without fail, I am extremely tired and hungry after traveling ministry. So even if the ministry brought up things that I think I should act on, I try not to do so until I feel a little less tired and hungry.  Instead, I eat red meat, get lots of sleep, and try to find my balance.

I got home from North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative) on Sunday night, at what my body was telling me was 2am.  Fortunately, my boss is flexible and I have plenty of sick leave saved up, so I was able to take Monday as a recovery day.  That meant a lot of sleeping, eating, and waiting for my soul to catch up with my body.

I find that I often write lists in my journal while traveling and immediately afterward―half-formed ideas that I want to explore later, or things I don't want to forget but do not have time to work out completely at the time.  Many of these turn into blog posts or articles later, or work their way into my ministry in other ways.

On Monday, I opened my journal to write another list and laughed as a variety of gifts from my time at annual sessions fell out―a postcard, a poem, photos, and a Bible verse.  I felt overwhelmed with gratitude for the gifts I received from Friends while visiting NCYM-C.

These physical gifts seemed to symbolize all the other gifts I received while I was there: hospitality, rides, opportunities for deep worship and enlivening conversation, a good meal, and so much more.  

I am also grateful to Friends World Committee for Consultation for giving me a travel grant that made it possible for me to go in the first place, and to Freedom Friends Church for sending me (again) with love and a traveling minute.

I will be meeting with a clearness committee soon to debrief and I know that I will have much more to say about my time with Friends in North Carolina in my official report and otherwise.  But for now, I just want to say thank you.

Preparing for NCYM-C

It's a little hard for me to believe that I am going to North Carolina tomorrow.  This past week has been kind of crazy, between the half-marathon, my mom visiting, and a family friend's wedding in Hood River.  This evening, I emptied my overnight bag into the laundry and when that is done drying, everything is going into another suitcase for my trip across the country.

I am really looking forward to North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative) annual sessions.  When I have told people where I am going, I have gotten some strange looks at the word "conservative."  I say that it does not mean politically conservative.  The yearly meeting's introductory letter explains the name in more detail:

The Yearly Meeting is “Conservative” in that it values deeply the statements, words, and practices of those who have come before us, with the concern that change for the sake of change has the possibility of losing treasures we were unconscious were there. But change does happen. We have a living faith. The Yearly Meeting is not politically or socially conservative in the secular sense of that word.

I first connected with Friends from NCYM-C when I began the School of the Spirit in the fall of 2009.  Since then, I have wanted to visit their yearly meeting sessions and I am thrilled to be able to go this year.  I am looking forward to seeing friends, teachers, classmates, ministers, and elders.  I am also excited to see friends from other branches of Friends while I am visiting (there are a lot of kinds of Quakers in North Carolina!).

In looking over the schedule for NCYM-C annual sessions, I noticed a few things right away:

• The Bible study is at a time when everyone can go.  It is not too early or late, and not scheduled at the same time as anything else.  That makes it feel like the Bible study is a part of the annual session instead of tacked on, as they sometimes are.
• There is a space reserved for contemplative prayer during free time (I love this!).
• Snacks!  Each evening, a couple meetings are responsible for providing snacks for the group.  Since 9pm will feel like 6pm to me, I am sure I will be glad to have something to eat then.
• The annual sessions begin and end with worship.

My only official task while I am at NCYM-C is to perform in a play that I have been in once before, so that doesn't require much advance preparation.  Other than highlighting my lines and coordinating transportation, the main way I have been preparing for the yearly meeting is by praying.

• I have been praying for everyone attending the annual session, that our hearts and minds will be prepared to listen to God and listen to each other.
• I have been praying for my friend Charley B, who wrote the play, that everything will go smoothly as she prepares and directs the play.
•  I have been praying for Friends in NCYM-C who are grieving, after learning via facebook that an elder in the yearly meeting passed away yesterday morning.
• I have been praying that, if God gives me a message while I am visiting, I will be faithful and deliver it clearly.
• I have been praying for safe travels, joyful reunions, and that we would all experience the presence of the living God during our time together.

 And although I will not be able to attend the yearly meetings in my part of the country this summer, North Pacific Yearly Meeting and Northwest Yearly Meeting are in my prayers as well.  I know that both yearly meetings are doing important discernment, and I am praying for strength and courage for friends who are speaking at the yearly meetings.

I would appreciate your prayers for me as I travel and for all Friends who are gathering this summer.

Traveling Minute

July 1, 2012

Dear Friends at NCYM-Conservative and everywhere:

This letter is an introduction to and a travelling minute for Ashley W. She is a member in good standing of Freedom Friends Church, and is also our presiding clerk. Ashley is a beloved member of our community and we commend her to your good and gracious care.

Ashley will be traveling in July and attending North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative) annual sessions, which will take place from July 11-15 at Guilford College in Greensboro, NC.  While she is there, she will be performing in a play named "The Call," written by Charley B, about a young woman who experiences a call to traveling ministry.

She will be doing visitation and various ministry activities while there. Please greet her with love, care and share with her how God is with you.

If Ashley needs assistance, please assist her as if she were one of your own family or community. She is dear to us and we look forward to her safe return to us. She will bring us word of how God’s good work is flourishing among you, about how you love one another and serve each other in the light of God. We are praying for you, and look forward to hearing news of you.

Thank you, and may the God of all Creation bless and encourage you through Ashley and through each other.

Alivia B, Pastor
Freedom Friends Church

Epistle

Epistle of the 2012

Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference

June 13-17, 2012

Corbett, Oregon

Greetings to Friends everywhere.

Grace permeated our days and wove the variegated fibers of our lives together into a tapestry of light and love much like the quilts that surrounded us in our meeting space at the 2012 Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference. We gathered on June 13, 2012, at the Menucha Conference Center above the Columbia River near Corbett, Oregon, around the theme of Inviting, Contemplating, and Enacting Grace. Prior to the conference each participant wrote a short essay in response to the theme. The conversation among us began as we read each other’s papers online and throughout our time together.  We came with differing experiences among Friends and other faith traditions, some excited, others tentative about what we would hear, and feel, and do together. We came yearning for community, a place to feel at home. We came knowing we would be challenged to listen deeply, to learn to open and stretch, hoping the effort would yield deeper understanding and add new patterns and textures to our tapestry of grace as we were woven together. 

Thursday morning we received a message from Ashley Wilcox on Inviting Grace.  Ashley opened with her admission of love for the Apostle Paul. Drawing from Acts 9 she showed us that sometimes we invite grace through doing the completely wrong thing.  We can also invite grace into our lives by accepting and giving loving acts and living words. Darla Samuelson taught us how to use specific disciplines to create a space for grace to touch the pain of shame that is common in human experience.  

Friday morning Cherice Bock led us through a contemplation of grace through a word study.  She asked the provocative question, “Do we have to feel guilty to receive grace?” In answer to her own question, she proposed that grace is an undeserved gift with no strings attached. Cherice concluded that grace is active, social, and enduring. 

As stewards of grace when we extend grace to others we receive grace into our own lives and are further called to extend grace in this world. Christine Hall continued by saying that in contemplating grace we are swept up in a love that connects us to God, one another, creation, and divine mystery.  She finished with a quote from Thomas Merton stating that through contemplation we “see through the illusion of our separateness.”   

Saturday, responding to the theme Enacting Grace, Carol Urner challenged us to say “yes” to leadings even when we do not know where our “yes” will lead us.   In that “yes” there is a river of light that will flow through us and sustain us.  Elenita Bales followed and reminded us that that the word “enact” contains “act.”  She encouraged us to develop a rhythm of faithfulness in speaking the truths that emerge from our souls, and to risk vulnerability that we may become a channel of change.  Quoting historic Quaker Ann Wilson, Elenita asked, “What wilt thou do in the end?”

Afternoon workshops presented a variety of ways we can nourish our lives and create an opening for grace. In Writing as Spiritual Practice we explored several ways to begin and be faithful to our own spiritual writing.  A workshop on the Bible revealed that in spite of feelings about Scripture, ranging from anger through love, the group had an interesting and respectful discussion.  In a session entitled Speaking Holy Boldness participants considered viewpoints and experiences that made clear that prophetic witness is alive and well in our yearly meetings.  Another group shared the different practices, such as movement, meditation, prayer, and visualization they use to hold others in the Light.  In a session entitled The Hard Stuff women from different yearly meetings responded to questions that had been submitted in writing earlier. Participants engaged in respectful discussion that acknowledged our differences while encouraging understanding and acceptance.  One workshop focused on listening and care committees and offered guidelines and tools on how to support others through suffering. Judy Maurer shared her experiences and reflections on teaching, listening, worshipping, and working on social justice issues in Russia. Christine Hall introduced Way of the Spirit, an opportunity to engage in contemplative study through a new program in the Pacific Northwest.

Evening activities provided opportunities to further be woven together in our tapestry of community. Thursday evening Roena Oesting, dressed and speaking as Elizabeth Fry, recounted major events from “Betsy’s” life as written in her journals.  We expressed gratitude for the way Elizabeth Fry’s work in prisons started a pattern of prison reform work among Friends that continues today. On Early Friday evening we listened to the experiences of those who attended the FWCC Sixth World Conference of Friends in Kenya. Their exchanges were fruitful, rich and full, though sometimes difficult. As we heard their stories we could sense that there, too, they were held by grace. Later, we danced, sang, played Hearts fiercely, worked on a HUGE puzzle, and created art.  All these allowed for new openings into one another’s hearts and connections through joyful exchanges.

Throughout the conference threads of conversations at meals, home groups, over the puzzle, or on hikes further wove us together in beauty and grace. It was an amazing gift to sit at a meal and turn to a stranger and feel no awkwardness. On Sunday morning we were gathered together for a final hour of worship in which Nancy Thomas brought us the challenge to carry gratitude with us in response to God’s grace.  We came here to be ourselves and left affirmed in our appreciation for and joy in the deepening cross-yearly meeting friendship; that is grace.  Borrowing a sentiment from Carol Urner, we have to finish, but we have not yet begun.