Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Hurry Up and Wait
I have never been very good at dealing with change and there seems to be a lot of it right now. The season changed while I wasn't paying attention and now we have another hour. In the last week I have spent time with my family, mourning the loss of my grandfather. My job is coming to an end (it seems like for real this time) and I am thinking about hibernating for a while.
One of the things I love about traveling in the ministry is the strong sense I get from moment to moment of where I am supposed to be. I don't know why I feel pulled toward a particular place or person, and I don't always know why I am there, but it is very satisfying even if I never know the reason.
I miss that feeling when I go back to what I still think of as my real life. I wonder how to find it, and the answer I get is to slow down.
So I pray. I pray on my knees and I pray on the bus. I find myself wandering into the sanctuary of the church near work to pray in that sacred space. I sometimes pray while listening to The New Pornographers and wonder vaguely whether that is wrong. I keep coming up against my edges and trying to remember gentleness. And I feel deep down that I need to keep praying until God says to do something else.