Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Hurry Up and Wait

I have never been very good at dealing with change and there seems to be a lot of it right now.  The season changed while I wasn't paying attention and now we have another hour.  In the last week I have spent time with my family, mourning the loss of my grandfather.  My job is coming to an end (it seems like for real this time) and I am thinking about hibernating for a while.

One of the things I love about traveling in the ministry is the strong sense I get from moment to moment of where I am supposed to be.  I don't know why I feel pulled toward a particular place or person, and I don't always know why I am there, but it is very satisfying even if I never know the reason.

I miss that feeling when I go back to what I still think of as my real life.  I wonder how to find it, and the answer I get is to slow down.

So I pray.  I pray on my knees and I pray on the bus.  I find myself wandering into the sanctuary of the church near work to pray in that sacred space.  I sometimes pray while listening to The New Pornographers and wonder vaguely whether that is wrong.  I keep coming up against my edges and trying to remember gentleness.  And I feel deep down that I need to keep praying until God says to do something else.


  1. You wonder whether it is wrong to pray while listening to The New Pornographers? Or you wonder whether it is wrong to listen to the New Pornographers in the first place? My tastes are pretty heterodox, and I can guess some equivalents. If it's called The New Pornographers, I would assume praying is a good idea by definition. But I don't think you HAVE to listen to the New Pornographers to pray.

  2. It makes all the sense in the world that you'd pray while listening to The New Pornographers. You can't help that their lyrics breed joy and thoughtful observation. It's out of your control, Ashley! And you may try to escape their hold, "but something keeps turning you on."


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