Recorded Minister Report for 2014

“But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.”  Jeremiah 29:7.

A lot of my ministry this year has been connected to Candler School of Theology, where I am halfway through the three-year M.Div. program.  I completed my second semester of contextual education working as a chaplain intern at Lee Arrendale State Prison in the spring semester.  It was good and challenging work.  A highlight for me was leading music at a Good Friday service with two of the women in prison. 

I am doing my second year of contextual education in Atlanta Friends Meeting.  I spend eight hours a week focusing on five areas of ministry: administration, liturgy (worship and preaching), mission and outreach, pastoral calling and congregational care, and teaching.  These categories do not always fit exactly in the context of an unprogrammed Friends meeting, but I have been able to find ways to engage with the meeting in each area.  For example, I am on the Ministry and Worship committee, I started a monthly meeting for worship at Candler, and I facilitated a panel on sexuality and Quaker identity.  I have also enjoyed providing pastoral care for some of the youngest Friends in the meeting.

At school, I am serving as the chaplain of Sacred Worth (Candler’s student group for LGBTQ students and allies).  As chaplain, I am on the executive board and I hold office hours and have a confidential email.  I enjoy meeting with people and helping to build this community within Candler.  In the fall semester, I was a discussion leader for Early Church History, which felt like another opportunity to provide pastoral care for seminary students.

As the only Quaker at Candler I find myself representing Friends often.  In the past year, I have taken a number of classes that have helped me discern my direction in ministry and have given me tools for the work ahead, including Nonprofit Leadership and Management, Sexuality in the Bible, and Discernment for a Sustained Life of Ministry.  I especially enjoyed my Preaching in a Secular Age class this past fall, where I was able to give a message out of open worship in the manner of Friends, working with an elder.

I also had the opportunity to travel quite a bit this year.  In February, I spent a long weekend in Philadelphia observing a Friends Journal board meeting.  While I was there, I got to spend time with several Friends and Jon W interviewed me for the QuakerSpeak project (I was featured in the QuakerSpeak video “Quakers and Women in Ministry” and a Friends Journal video on my recording process).  In April, I gave the Friday night message for Friends World Committee for Consultation’s Living Waters Consultation in High Point, NC.  It was a joy to work with Deborah S as my elder and I felt very supported and welcomed by Friends there.

I spent the summer living with my parents in Anchorage, working at a law firm.  It was great to be able to spend time with my family there, especially my nieces and nephew and grandparents.  In June, I visited Washington and Oregon for a few weeks, and was able to see many f/Friends and family.  At the end of the trip, I went to the Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference, where I led a workshop on prayer.  Later in the summer, I visited Friends in Fairbanks and worshiped with Chena Ridge Friends Meeting.  I also worshiped with Anchorage Friends Meeting.  On my way back to Atlanta in August, I visited family in Oakland.  In October, I visited Friends in Nashville and attended North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative) Interim Body Meeting.  Although it was wonderful to see friends and family in all of these places, I was aware that, no matter where I go, I will be far from people I love.

I published an article in the March issue of Friends Journal called “Sending Forth: The Importance of Financial Support in Ministry.”  I have also continued posting on my blog, though most of my writing this year has been for class assignments.

My self-care this year has been good.  I see a spiritual director and a therapist regularly, and I have an anchoring committee through Atlanta Friends Meeting that is currently serving as my site supervisors for contextual education.  Over spring break, I went on a silent retreat at Green Bough House of Prayer.  One of my favorite things this year has been monthly gatherings for Atlanta Beer and Hymns (recently featured on Fox News!).  I have continued spiritual practices of prayer, reading the Bible, and exercise, and added drawing and coloring mandalas.

Looking ahead, I am planning to lead the Atlanta Friends Meeting Gathered Meeting Retreat in March.  I also hope to spend the summer in Greensboro, NC, as an intern with First Friends Meeting.  I am aware that I have been moving a lot and I am often on the edges of various groups, and I am feeling ready to find a place to settle for a while after I finish school.  I am grateful to Friends at Freedom Friends Church and Atlanta Friends Meeting for your support for my ministry, as well as the support and prayers I receive from so many others.

The Middle

"How is it with you in your call?"

The question came from a woman I had just met at the Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference.  It took me by surprise, but after I thought for a moment, I said that there had been a lot of energy at the conference around beginning the journey, and that is not where I am.  I feel like I am on the path, but just plodding along.

The call to ministry is exciting and sexy.  Trying to live a life of ongoing faithfulness is not.

I have been a public Friend for six years now.  Not long compared to some, but long enough to get past the initial excitement of the call.  Sometimes ministry is exciting, sometimes it is horrible, and sometimes it is just a slog.

I have found that, once Friends are on board with the idea of ministry, there is a lot more focus on getting started than on the tools we need for a sustained life of ministry.  I hope that those of us who are doing this work can find ways to encourage each other in the middle and along the way.

Epistle

Epistle of the 2014
Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference
June 11-15, 2014
Menucha Retreat Center, Corbett, Oregon

Greeting to Friends Everywhere:

We are 77 women who have come together from North Pacific Yearly Meeting, Northwest Yearly Meeting, Freedom Friends Church, and meetings further afield. Our theme this year was “Wilt Thou Go on My Journey?” To prepare for the conference, each woman wrote a short reflection paper on the conference theme and quotes from Luke 9:2-4, Isaiah 6:9, and from two women who traveled in the Quaker ministry: Nancy Hawkins and Caroline Stephen. We read each other’s papers and discussed them within our home groups: small groups of women who met throughout the conference to share with each other their stories with confidentiality, great trust, and vulnerability.

We met to worship together in unprogrammed worship, plenary sessions, workshops, community activities, worship for business, and semi-programmed worship. Each day we explored a different aspect or topic related to spiritual journeys: Welcoming, Clearness of Calling, Doubt and Fear on the Journey, Deepening Faith, and Journeying Together.

Through workshops, including workshops on writing, songs, movement, and prayer, we explored ways to reflect on, express, and share our journeys with each other, moving past our fears about being judged based on our differences. We felt great trust in this group and were able to shed our reluctance to expose our fears and joys to each other. We celebrated what we found in common and explored what was new to us.

We used forms of worship that were new to most of us from both programmed and unprogrammed meetings, including chanting and worshipful movement. We found these forms to be powerful ways to move into worship together. Spirit-led, spontaneous acapella singing enriched our worship and community.

During a powerful gathered meeting, we supported those who were trembling, weeping, and quaking and encouraged them to speak. We talked with each other about our roots as Quakers and about how our traditions have splintered so that none of us has a complete experience. We heard from the Lord a call to help bring those pieces back together that can help us create a new mosaic that honors the many facets of our different traditions.

We committed to organize this conference again in two years’ time and to invite more women from the evangelical traditions.

We asked ourselves what we would bring with us from this conference. We were invited to take the things we had heard and experienced and allow them to change us and through us, change our communities and to bridge the divides between different yearly meetings.

Regards,
All of us gathered at the 2014 Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference.

Workshop: On Prayer

[The workshop I am leading on prayer at the Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference.]

Douglas Steere said that “To pray is to pay attention to the deepest thing that we know.”  In this workshop, we will explore different kinds of prayer, including body prayer, a breathing prayer, and an interactive stations of the Lord’s Prayer.  Everyone is welcome.

Led by Ashley W – Originally from Alaska, studying at Candler School of Theology in Atlanta, and a recorded minister of Freedom Friends Church in Salem, OR.  I call a lot of places home.

Thoughts on Leadings III

[My reflection paper for the Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference.  The theme and quotes for reflection are available online here.]

As I write this from Atlanta, the Pacific Northwest feels very far away.  At the same time, the theme of “Wilt Thou Go On My Journey” speaks to me, and especially the quote from Luke, where Jesus tells the disciples to go out and take nothing on the journey.  Last year, I sold and gave away almost everything I owned because I felt God leading me to go to seminary.  At the end of my first year, I am still not sure why or what I will be doing when I am finished with this degree.  But I felt clear that this was the path for me and I am continuing on it.

The quote from Isaiah (“Here I am.  Send me!”) made me smile.  Out of context, it seems so hopeful and encouraging.  But the chapter goes on to say that Isaiah will speak but the people will not understand.  When Isaiah asks how long, God responds, “Until cities lie waste without inhabitant, and houses without people, and the land is utterly desolate.”  (Isaiah 6:11)

This is a hard message.  God is asking Isaiah to go out and speak to a people whose eyes are shut and ears are closed, until everything is destroyed.  But at the end, a stump remains, and “The holy seed is its stump.”  (Isaiah 6:14)  This passage and the other quotes remind me that in ministry, our goal is faithfulness, not success.  God may be calling us to do or say hard things, things that others may not understand.  And yet, even when it seems like everything is falling apart, God is still there.

At the beginning of a leading, everything feels easy and rightly ordered.  I am afraid, of course, because I am taking on something new, but I also have a deep sense of joy.  As I go on and follow that leading, things become harder.  I find myself feeling worn down, or in conflict with people I care about, or simply questioning whether I heard correctly.  I start to calculate the costs of setting out on the journey and think that it would have been easier just to stay home.

I have also found that following leadings tend to bring up my deep stuff―the things I need to work through.  In fact, this is one of the signals for me that I am on the right track.  When I find myself struggling with old issues, I know there is something for me to learn from the situation and that my perspective is valuable in some way that I can’t quite see.

Fortunately, I don’t have to go it alone.  I have a massive “spiritual pit crew” for this journey including my spiritual director, an anchoring committee, elders, peers in ministry, and many friends who are willing to provide a listening ear or a timely prayer.  It is also a blessing for me to be able to accompany others in this way, whether it is through an ongoing spiritual friendship or a spontaneous phone call from a different time zone.

When I get to the end of a leading, it never looks quite the way I expected.  The fantastic visions I had when I first felt led have been replaced with a more solid reality, but one that feels earned and better than what I imagined because it is real.  I am grateful for the things that I have learned along the way, even the hard things, and for the relationships that have deepened.  I can see how God was with me through it all.  Most of all, I am tired and ready for a rest―happy to lay down this particular thing for a while and take a break before the next journey.

Personal Statement

[This is the personal statement I wrote as part of my application for Candler School of Theology.]

"See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:19.

My name is Ashley Wilcox, and I am a Quaker minister, a lawyer, a writer, and a beloved child of God.  I am a gospel minister in the prophetic, Friends tradition; my message is, “Turn toward God, in whatever language you use for God.”  For the past few years, I have carried a concern for supporting ministers in the Religious Society of Friends.  I am now feeling called to seminary, which I believe will give me some of the tools I need to support those ministers.

Friends believe that all are ministers and God can speak through anyone.  We also believe that some are called to sustained, public ministry.  I first felt that call to ministry in the spring of 2008, at the Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference.  The purpose of the women’s conference is to bring evangelical and liberal Friends together to try to discover the best of our tradition through the use of narrative theology―telling the story of how God is at work in our lives.  Over the four days of the conference, I felt like God was holding up parts of my life that I had been unwilling to face, and asking me to deal with them.  I felt broken open and very tender.

By the end of the weekend, I had agreed to be co-clerk of the planning committee for the next conference.  I was exhausted and ready to go home when we entered into our final open worship.  Then, out of the silence, God spoke to me.  God said, “It’s not always going to be this easy.”

I said, “What?”  Of all the words I could think of to describe my experience at the conference, “easy” was not one of them.

God responded, “Yes, this is the easy part.  It is going to be a lot harder after this.  But I will be there too.”*

At the time, I felt shattered and overwhelmed.  But those words and the deep sense of calling I felt have gotten me through some very difficult times, and I am grateful for the sense I have of God’s presence with me.

Within a few months of the women’s conference I began to do traveling ministry.  I traveled to Friends meetings and churches to worship with them and share about the women’s conference.  I was not raised in the Religious Society of Friends―I became a “convinced Friend” while I was in law school―but I found that my childhood in the evangelical church was a great benefit in my ministry.  As a child, I had grieved that I could not speak in tongues like my classmates in our charismatic Sunday school, but I suddenly found that I could: even though I was a member of a liberal, unprogrammed Friends meeting, I knew the songs and language in the evangelical, programmed Friends churches.  I could act as a bridge between the two, and feel like I was part of both.

Since graduating from law school, I have worked as a judicial clerk for two state courts of appeals, in Washington and Oregon.  I spend most of my time as a clerk researching and writing judicial opinions.  I have enjoyed many things about clerking: it is good work and my colleagues are wonderful.  I have had opportunities to improve my writing, editing, and research skills.  One of the best things about working at the courts has been the 40-hour workweek, which is very rare in the legal profession!

While working for the courts, I have been able to do traveling ministry, participate in the School of the Spirit Ministry’s program On Being a Spiritual Nurturer, organize retreats and conferences, serve on committees, give talks, write articles, and serve as clerk of my meeting, Freedom Friends Church.  I am grateful for the flexibility and support I have received from my bosses and coworkers over the past several years.  Now, however, I feel that God is calling me to transition away from full-time legal work.

Applying to seminary right now feels a little like stepping off the boat.  As I said, I feel called to support ministers in the Religious Society of Friends, but that is not a job that currently exists.  There are a number of things happening right now though that give me the sense that there are big changes coming for Friends and Christianity as a whole, and I want to be in the best position I can be to nurture these changes.

First, a large number of women across denominations are being called into ministry.  This is a relatively new phenomenon in the church in general, but Friends have had women ministers for over 350 years, and I believe that Friends offer a unique perspective on women in ministry.  Second, an unprecedented number of Friends are being called to seminary.  It is not clear yet why God is calling so many to formal theological education―there currently are not enough positions for them―but I believe that there is a reason that Friends (and young Friends in particular) are being equipped for ministry in this way.  Third, there is a generational shift beginning in the Religious Society of Friends.  Until recently, the leadership was mostly comprised of people who came of age during the social activism of the Civil Rights movement and the Vietnam War.  Many of them were drawn to Friends because of the social causes Friends supported.  The rising generation of leaders may also be involved in social justice issues but, at its core, this generation is calling Friends to faithfulness.  Young Friends are seeking renewal, asking all of us to listen deeply to what the Spirit is calling us to do, individually and as a community.

A degree is not necessary to be a minister among Friends.  On the contrary, if all goes according to plan, I will most likely have finished the recording process (the Quaker version of ordination) and be a recorded (ordained) minister before starting seminary.  However, I believe that a Master of Divinity will give me useful tools for sustained public ministry.  I tend to give ministry everything I have, and I hope that seminary will help me develop better boundaries and self-care in doing ministry.  I am also interested in learning systematic theology, to give me perspective on the biases I unconsciously bring to texts and ministry.  I know that I have much to learn from the faculty and from my peers in the context of seminary, and I am eager to make connections with others who are called to ministry.

I am applying to Candler School of Theology because it seems like the best place for me to hone my skills in leadership and ministry.  I am impressed by how Candler explicitly supports denominational leadership, which is something that I would like to bring back to the Religious Society of Friends.  I look forward to the opportunity to spend two years doing contextual education, and I am particularly interested in the possibility of serving in a women’s prison during my first year of seminary.  I am also drawn to Candler because of its programs to support women in ministry; I am interested in exploring the certificate in Women, Theology, and Ministry.  It is clear that Candler is a place where people not only study theology, but worship together, practice their faith, and put that faith into action in the world.  I want to be a part of that kind of community.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


* I shared this story in the message I gave at the 2012 Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference, which was published in the July/August 2012 issue of Western Friend as Inviting Grace: Letters and Lessons from the Apostle Paul.

Epistle

Epistle of the 2012

Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference

June 13-17, 2012

Corbett, Oregon

Greetings to Friends everywhere.

Grace permeated our days and wove the variegated fibers of our lives together into a tapestry of light and love much like the quilts that surrounded us in our meeting space at the 2012 Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference. We gathered on June 13, 2012, at the Menucha Conference Center above the Columbia River near Corbett, Oregon, around the theme of Inviting, Contemplating, and Enacting Grace. Prior to the conference each participant wrote a short essay in response to the theme. The conversation among us began as we read each other’s papers online and throughout our time together.  We came with differing experiences among Friends and other faith traditions, some excited, others tentative about what we would hear, and feel, and do together. We came yearning for community, a place to feel at home. We came knowing we would be challenged to listen deeply, to learn to open and stretch, hoping the effort would yield deeper understanding and add new patterns and textures to our tapestry of grace as we were woven together. 

Thursday morning we received a message from Ashley Wilcox on Inviting Grace.  Ashley opened with her admission of love for the Apostle Paul. Drawing from Acts 9 she showed us that sometimes we invite grace through doing the completely wrong thing.  We can also invite grace into our lives by accepting and giving loving acts and living words. Darla Samuelson taught us how to use specific disciplines to create a space for grace to touch the pain of shame that is common in human experience.  

Friday morning Cherice Bock led us through a contemplation of grace through a word study.  She asked the provocative question, “Do we have to feel guilty to receive grace?” In answer to her own question, she proposed that grace is an undeserved gift with no strings attached. Cherice concluded that grace is active, social, and enduring. 

As stewards of grace when we extend grace to others we receive grace into our own lives and are further called to extend grace in this world. Christine Hall continued by saying that in contemplating grace we are swept up in a love that connects us to God, one another, creation, and divine mystery.  She finished with a quote from Thomas Merton stating that through contemplation we “see through the illusion of our separateness.”   

Saturday, responding to the theme Enacting Grace, Carol Urner challenged us to say “yes” to leadings even when we do not know where our “yes” will lead us.   In that “yes” there is a river of light that will flow through us and sustain us.  Elenita Bales followed and reminded us that that the word “enact” contains “act.”  She encouraged us to develop a rhythm of faithfulness in speaking the truths that emerge from our souls, and to risk vulnerability that we may become a channel of change.  Quoting historic Quaker Ann Wilson, Elenita asked, “What wilt thou do in the end?”

Afternoon workshops presented a variety of ways we can nourish our lives and create an opening for grace. In Writing as Spiritual Practice we explored several ways to begin and be faithful to our own spiritual writing.  A workshop on the Bible revealed that in spite of feelings about Scripture, ranging from anger through love, the group had an interesting and respectful discussion.  In a session entitled Speaking Holy Boldness participants considered viewpoints and experiences that made clear that prophetic witness is alive and well in our yearly meetings.  Another group shared the different practices, such as movement, meditation, prayer, and visualization they use to hold others in the Light.  In a session entitled The Hard Stuff women from different yearly meetings responded to questions that had been submitted in writing earlier. Participants engaged in respectful discussion that acknowledged our differences while encouraging understanding and acceptance.  One workshop focused on listening and care committees and offered guidelines and tools on how to support others through suffering. Judy Maurer shared her experiences and reflections on teaching, listening, worshipping, and working on social justice issues in Russia. Christine Hall introduced Way of the Spirit, an opportunity to engage in contemplative study through a new program in the Pacific Northwest.

Evening activities provided opportunities to further be woven together in our tapestry of community. Thursday evening Roena Oesting, dressed and speaking as Elizabeth Fry, recounted major events from “Betsy’s” life as written in her journals.  We expressed gratitude for the way Elizabeth Fry’s work in prisons started a pattern of prison reform work among Friends that continues today. On Early Friday evening we listened to the experiences of those who attended the FWCC Sixth World Conference of Friends in Kenya. Their exchanges were fruitful, rich and full, though sometimes difficult. As we heard their stories we could sense that there, too, they were held by grace. Later, we danced, sang, played Hearts fiercely, worked on a HUGE puzzle, and created art.  All these allowed for new openings into one another’s hearts and connections through joyful exchanges.

Throughout the conference threads of conversations at meals, home groups, over the puzzle, or on hikes further wove us together in beauty and grace. It was an amazing gift to sit at a meal and turn to a stranger and feel no awkwardness. On Sunday morning we were gathered together for a final hour of worship in which Nancy Thomas brought us the challenge to carry gratitude with us in response to God’s grace.  We came here to be ourselves and left affirmed in our appreciation for and joy in the deepening cross-yearly meeting friendship; that is grace.  Borrowing a sentiment from Carol Urner, we have to finish, but we have not yet begun.

Home Again

I returned from the ninth Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference this afternoon.  Before I left, I said that I was going to the family reunion of Quaker gatherings.  That is true for me in many ways.  

The women's conference brings together women from all the branches of Friends here in the Pacific Northwest, and the relationships are deep and true.  At the same time, newcomers to the conference are welcomed with joy.  It is a blessed community of women who challenge each other, laugh together, and listen deeply.  The presence of God is palpable.

The theme of this conference was "Inviting, Contemplating, and Enacting Grace."  The past four days were a rich and full time, and the conversations and messages have left me with a lot to ponder.  Right now, I am exhausted, so instead of writing more about it, I am going to post a (short) poem.  

I woke up a couple weeks ago with three lines of a poem in my head.  At the time, I thought that it was the end to a longer poem, and I wondered what the rest of it was.  Now I think I just needed a title and, after the conference, I have one.

Grace-filled

Like Rebekah's laughter,

    Jacob wrestling, and

Abraham saying, "Yes, yes, yes!"


.

Eldering II

". . . the signals we give―yes or no, or maybe―
should be clear; the darkness around us is deep."

William Stafford, A Ritual to Read to Each Other

I have written in the past about what is like for me to work with a minister as an elder.  This post is about what it is like for me to work with an elder as a minister.

In doing ministry, I have had the opportunity to work with many different elders: young and old, women and men, and Friends from liberal, conservative, and evangelical yearly meetings.  They have all been wonderful and gifted in different ways.

At one of the School of the Spirit residencies, I was asked to speak on a panel about Being Other in Community, and I asked my classmate Margie D to elder for me.  She had never eldered before, and had a lot of questions about what that would involve.  That was good for me―I had mostly worked with more experienced elders, and Margie's questions made me think about what I really needed.  Afterward, she said she was glad that I was the first person she eldered for, because I was so specific.

In a few weeks, I will be bringing a message during one of the plenaries at the Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference.  I am very fortunate to have Ann S as my elder for this talk.  Ann was on my support committee for three years and has served as my elder in the past; we know each other quite well.

Still, each ministry is different, and I had to spend some time thinking about what kind of eldering would be helpful for me this time.  Over the weekend, I sent Ann the following email:

Here is what I have in mind for eldering:  I would like to meet for worship at some point before the plenary (preferably that morning, but the night before would be okay if that works better).  I would like you to sit near me when I speak and hold me in prayer.  During the break, I would like you to make sure I am eating a snack and drinking water, and, if possible, keep people away from me.  After the plenary is over, I would like to walk with you to lunch (you don't have to eat with me, just make sure I get there!).  And, finally, I would like to get together at some point later that day to debrief about the plenary.

Even though Ann is a dear friend, I was nervous sending the email.  It is hard to ask for what I need!  But Ann responded that she was touched and impressed that I had thought it through so carefully.

The next day, I received an email from Jane S, another woman attending the conference, who is organizing a panel to speak about the FWCC World Conference.  I wrote Jane back and said that, because I would be speaking in another plenary, I would not be able to be on the panel.  That was hard for me too―it is always hard to say no, even when I am clear!

Jane wrote back quickly and thanked me for my prompt and helpful response.  Then she asked, "Do you have support planned for your time of speaking?"  I was so grateful that she understood, and grateful that Friends here have a shared understanding of the kind of support we need for ministry.

I am curious to hear from other ministers and elders:  

• Elders, what do you do to prepare for ministry?  What kinds of things are helpful to know from the minister in advance?  

• Ministers, what do you ask your elders to do?  What have they done that has been especially helpful?

 

Summertime

We have had some lovely warm weather in Salem this past week, and it feels like summer around here already.  Summer is a busy time for Friends, between all the gatherings, conferences, and yearly meetings, and because I work full time, each summer I have to discern what I am feeling led to do.  As usual, my summer is booked, and I am looking forward to it!

Young women speaking at the 2010 women's conference

First is the Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference, which will be taking place June 13-17 in Menucha, OR.  This will be the ninth women's conference and the theme is “Living in the Life and Power: Inviting, Contemplating, and Enacting Grace.”  I will be leading a plenary with Darla S, pastor of Rivers Way Community, on "Inviting Grace."  Darla and I met this morning for breakfast and I am really excited about the direction we are planning to go with the plenary.  I am also grateful to have Ann S (next to me on the far right in the picture) as my elder as I deliver this message.  After the conference, I plan to submit my plenary talk as an article for a future issue of Western Friend.

On the fourth of July, my friend Kirsten K and I are planning to run in the Sauvie Island Flat Half-Marathon.  This race has become a tradition for us; although I missed it last year, I think this will be the fourth time we have run it together.  As the name suggests, the course is very flat, and the setting is beautiful.  Best of all, there is strawberry shortcake at the end.  I haven't been running as much as usual lately, and I am hoping this will motivate me to get into better shape!

Me and Mark W in "The Call"

A few weeks later, I will be heading across the country for North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative) annual sessions.  Because my School of the Spirit residencies took place in North Carolina, I made many friends in NCYM-C.  I am thrilled to be able to visit them and looking forward to performing again in a play that my friend Charley B wrote about a young woman who experiences a call to traveling ministry.

Then, in August, I will be taking a long weekend to visit my family in Anchorage.  I am especially looking forward to seeing my nephew―I hear he has grown a lot since December!

Add in a couple weddings, some long walks, and a lot of time reading in my neighbors' hammock, and I think it should be a pretty good summer!

The irises currently blooming by my front door

Paying Attention

[My reflection paper for the Ninth Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference, which will take place June 13-17, 2012.]

“On my good days I find grace in any number of places . . . .  On bad days, I don’t find grace anywhere, but that usually means I’m not paying attention.”  Nancy Thomas, preface, The Secret Colors of God: Poems by Nancy Thomas (Barclay Press, 2005), p. xiii.

About a year ago, I started getting a message.  The message was, “When they ask you to speak, say yes.”  I had no idea who the “they” was, or where I would be asked to speak, but otherwise the message was clear.  I don’t get specific instructions from God very often, so when I do, I try to pay attention.

Soon after, I got an email from the women’s conference organizers, asking if I would be willing to consider being a plenary speaker at the conference.  That seemed like the question I had been waiting to hear.  But as I read the rest of the email, I saw that the theme of the conference would be “Living in the life and power:  Inviting, Contemplating, and Enacting Grace.”

Despite growing up in the evangelical church―or maybe because I did―grace has never been a very meaningful concept for me.  It is a word I have heard my entire life, but I had never given it much thought.

Around the same time, I had a conversation with my friend Betsy.  I told her that I was trying to discern whether to volunteer as a plenary speaker for the women’s conference.  I said that I had felt a leading to speak, but I didn’t know what I would say about grace.  She responded, “I think grace is a wonderful thing for you to live into for the next year.”

So I told the planning committee that I did feel led to be a plenary speaker, and I asked to speak on the topic of “inviting grace,” because that was what I would be doing!

Since then, grace has appeared everywhere.  Once I started paying attention, I noticed how often it comes up in conversation.  I also began asking others what grace means to them and how it has affected their lives.  Slowly, I began to get a sense of the message I might give at the conference.

Grace is still a vast and mysterious concept for me, but I have enjoyed the perspectives on it that women have shared in their papers, and I look forward to the time we will spend together in June sharing our experiences of grace.

Margaret Fell Fund Report

During the three months I was released for gospel ministry by the Margaret Fell Fund grant from the FGC Traveling Ministries Program, I traveled to the following places:

• Pendle Hill, PA, to serve as an elder for Wess D and Martin K in their workshop on The New Monastics and Convergent Friends
• Durham, NC, to attend the fourth School of the Spirit residency
• Seabeck, WA, to facilitate the Eighth Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference (as co-clerk of the planning committee)
• Missoula, MT, to attend North Pacific Yearly Meeting
• Newberg, OR, to attend Northwest Yearly Meeting as the NPYM visitor

Rather than provide a chronological description of each event, this report reflects some of the themes that arose over the summer.

Elders

It seemed fitting to start out my travels in the ministry this summer with eldering because I had been spending so much time thinking about elders in relation to the women’s conference theme, Walk with Me: Mentors, Elders, and Friends.  Serving as an elder for Wess and Martin was a challenging experience, and not one I would have chosen for my first experience being an elder.  Although there were some very good and supportive people in the workshop, it felt like the negative people there dominated the room, and there was a lot of discussion about what is wrong with monthly and yearly meetings, institutional problems, and meetings that want to die.  Even though it was hard, I was glad I could be there to support Wess and Martin, and I felt like the experience helped me clarify the kinds of support that are important for me when I ask someone to be my elder.  I was especially grateful for Elaine E’s help and support throughout the weekend, and I was glad to have a chance to talk with Sadie F before the workshop began.

At the women’s conference a few weeks later, it was incredible for me to hear how everyone’s language changed.  Immediately after the plenary on elders, I heard many women using that term.  It was gratifying because the topic of elders has been so important for me over the past few years and I felt like the women who attended the conference had a better shared understanding of what the role of elder is.  I was grateful to Ann S and Alivia B, who served as my elders during the conference.  I was also blessed to have Julie P and Leann W as my elders during my time at Northwest Yearly Meeting.  I am grateful to them for holding me in prayer while I led a workshop, for checking in with me and listening when I needed an ear, and for taking me out for a much needed ice cream cone.

Supporting one another in ministry

While I was at Pendle Hill, I had an opportunity to go for a walk with Betsy B and Ruth L.  Ruth was on the planning committee for the young adult Friends gathering in Wichita, KS, which took place a few weeks later, and was feeling discouraged by some of the negative reactions to the conference that had been posted publicly online.  The three of us had a good talk about our experiences planning different conferences: Betsy in planning the world gathering of young Friends, Ruth in planning the young Friends gathering, and me in planning the women’s conference.  I felt like we offered each other mutual support, and that the walk and conversation were one of the reasons I was supposed to be there.

One day during Northwest Yearly Meeting annual session, I happened to have lunch with a young woman from a church that was considering affiliating with NWYM.  She asked me what I was passionate about and I said that I am passionate about supporting women who feel called to ministry.  My answer surprised me, but it seemed like the right thing to say.  The woman responded that during a workshop the day before, she had felt a clear call to ministry, which was completely unexpected, and something she had not even thought possible because she is a woman.  I was glad that I could be there and listen to her story as she began to discern her call.

Using my voice

During the women’s conference, my co-clerk Sarah P and I introduced the plenaries and the speakers.  I usually do not enjoy public speaking, so I was surprised by how much I enjoyed facilitating the conference; it felt like good and important work.  Sarah and I got a lot of good feedback on our roles as conference facilitators, and people especially seemed to appreciate the definitions we provided of mentors, elders, and spiritual friendships.*

On the first day of North Pacific Yearly Meeting annual session, I met with the yearly meeting coordinating committee to report on my travels over the previous year.  I was glad to be able to tell Friends there what I had been doing since they gave me a traveling minute at the previous annual session.  It was also a relief to have my only official task (other than driving a golf cart) over the first day.  It was bittersweet for me to be at NPYM annual session, knowing it was my last time attending as a member of the yearly meeting.  On the last day in open worship, I gave vocal ministry, praying for the yearly meeting and the changes that it will face.  The ministry felt powerful, and I was glad to be able to pray for the meeting that had been a home for me for the past three years.

At Northwest Yearly Meeting annual session, I co-led a workshop on Convergent Friends with Wess D.  I was clear in planning the workshop that I was supposed to lead it, not serve as Wess’s elder.  Our intention was to have the workshop be a worship experience, so we began with about 15 minutes of unprogrammed worship.  After introducing ourselves, we presented a workshop that was similar to one Sarah P and I had led at Bellingham Friends Meeting: we opened up the discussion by asking Friends to share different words they use to describe God, and writing those words on the board.  After we had about 30 words on the board, we asked Friends to share why those words are meaningful to them.  The discussion was wonderful, and I think we could have used a second hour for everyone to tell their stories about the language they use and their experiences encountering different kinds of Friends.  For some in the room, this was the first time they had heard about the different branches of Friends, and the workshop started some ongoing conversations.

Being released

My summer had a very different rhythm than my usual working life.  I was quite busy a lot of the time, especially leading up to the women’s conference, but between times of intense fellowship, I had weeks to decompress and focus on self-care.  I spent a lot of time listening: to God, to others, and to myself.  I had to figure out what a life of ministry looked like on a day-to-day basis.  Frequently, it involved waking up, going for a run, having breakfast, spending time in prayer, and catching up on emails and phone calls.  I planned events and workshops, spent time reading and writing (though not as much as I expected!), and took a lot of naps.  Some days my life of ministry included a visit to the farmer's market or a long walk with a friend.

I am so grateful to the Traveling Ministries Program for the opportunity to focus on ministry for the summer.  While I was traveling and attending yearly meetings, I could focus on just being there, instead of worrying about "going back to work on Monday."  I feel like I have a better understanding of the importance of being released for ministry instead of being paid for ministry―being released had a sense of spaciousness that I do not think I would have felt if I were being paid to do particular ministry.  The fact that others took my ministry seriously enough to support it financially made me take it more seriously too. 

Please let me know if you have any questions.  Thank you for your financial and spiritual support.

* Mentor: Someone who has served in a role in the past and is helping someone who is new to that role.  For example, an experienced pastor, clerk, or minister might mentor someone who is inexperienced in those roles.

Elder: Someone who names and nurtures the spiritual gifts of people in a meeting and cares for the spiritual needs of the meeting as a whole.

Spiritual friendship: a reciprocal relationship where friends intentionally share and listen to each other's spiritual experiences and encourage each one's spiritual journey.

Minute of Service Report

To Freedom Friends Church

Since receiving my minute of service from Freedom Friends Church in August 2008, I have traveled to many meetings and churches in the Pacific Northwest to share about the Eighth Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference.  The meetings and churches I visited included: Camas Friends Church, Multnomah Monthly Meeting, Anchorage Friends Meeting, Spokane Friends Church, Eugene Friends Church, Eugene Friends Meeting, Bellingham Friends Meeting, Sandpoint Friends Meeting, and North Seattle Friends Church.  I also attended North Pacific Yearly Meeting and Northwest Yearly Meeting annual sessions in 2009 and received a traveling minute from North Pacific Yearly Meeting.  I traveled to most of these meetings and churches with my co-clerk, Sarah P.  On three of the visits, I had other traveling companions: Inger H accompanied me to Anchorage Friends Meeting, Sarah H accompanied me to North Seattle Friends Church, and Leann W served as elder for me and Sarah when we visited Sandpoint Friends Meeting.

All of the churches and meetings I visited were extremely hospitable.  Although the women’s conference was the official reason for these visits, it often did not feel like the reason I was there.  Sometimes something else seemed important, and sometimes I felt like I did not really know why I was there (though I trust there was a reason).  Sarah and I felt like we were planting seeds for Friends to come to future conferences, consider traveling in the ministry, or interact with different kinds of Friends in other ways.  Many of the clerks of the meetings and churches had never had never seen a traveling minute before our visit, so this provided an opportunity for us to educate Friends about the practice of traveling with minutes and having meetings endorse them.

Something that surprised me about these visits is that I did not feel led to speak in worship in many of the meetings I visited.  This felt like a learning experience for me about when not to speak.  I did speak in each meeting and church outside of meeting for worship, either by giving an announcement or leading a presentation.  Public speaking does not come easily for me and this gave me an opportunity to practice.  I also found that it became easier to talk about the women’s conference the more I did it.

Over the two years the planning committee spent working on the conference, we had six meetings in person and six conference call meetings.  This was a challenging committee to clerk, but I learned a lot about clerking and working with other people.  As I was working on the planning committee, I talked to many women who had done this work in the past.  They all agreed that one of the most difficult things in planning the conference was keeping everyone motivated and on track in the long time between the conferences.  I was especially grateful to have Sarah as a co-clerk of the planning committee.  She and I traded off clerking and recording the meetings and we worked well together in those roles.

On June 16-20, 2010, sixty women gathered in Seabeck, Washington for the Eighth Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference.  The theme was Walk with Me: Mentors, Elders, and Friends.  About a quarter of the women there were attending for the first time.  I think this was directly related to the travel that Sarah and I did to share about the women’s conference.  I was surprised by how much I enjoyed facilitating the conference; it felt like good and important work.  It was incredible for me to hear how everyone’s language changed during the conference.  Immediately after the plenary on elders, I heard many women using that term.  It was gratifying because the topic of elders has been very important for me over the past few years and I felt like the women who attended the conference had a better shared understanding of what the role of elder is.  I was grateful to Ann S and Alivia B, who served as my elders during the conference, and to all of the women who volunteered their time, talents, and energy for the conference.

It has been a hard transition for me to go from having the minute of service to not having it.  As I have continued to travel in the ministry since my service for the women’s conference ended, I have been surprised by how much I have missed having the tangible support the minute of service represented.  Carrying the minute made me feel connected to and supported by the meeting, and traveling without it, I sometimes feel vulnerable and out of order.  I did not realize how much the minute meant to me until the service was completed and I could no longer carry it.

Overall, planning the women’s conference was challenging and it made me grow.  Traveling among Friends in the Northwest helped me to recognize that I am a minister and that I feel called to public ministry among Friends.  I felt honored to represent Freedom Friends Church in doing this work, and I am grateful for your love and support while I traveled and worked on the Quaker Women’s Theology Conference.

Traveling Report to NPYM Coordinating Committee

Since receiving a traveling minute from the North Pacific Yearly Meeting Coordinating Committee at annual session last summer, I have visited the following meetings and churches to share about the 8th Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference:

• Northwest Yearly Meeting annual session, with Sarah P
• Camas Friends Church (NWYM), with Sarah P
• Anchorage Friends Meeting (Alaska Friends Conference), with Inger H
• Spokane Friends Church (NWYM), with Sarah P
• Eugene Friends Church (NWYM), with Sarah P
• Eugene Friends Meeting (NPYM), with Sarah P
• Bellingham Friends Meeting (NPYM), with Sarah P
• Sandpoint Friends Meeting (NPYM), with Sarah P and Leann W
• North Seattle Friends Church (NWYM), with Sarah H

All of the churches and meetings I visited were extremely hospitable.  Although the women’s conference was the official reason for these visits, it often did not feel like the reason I was there.  Sometimes something else seemed important, and sometimes I felt like I did not really know why I was there (though I trust there was a reason).  There were several people who came to the women’s conference for the first time this year and I think that was a result of the visits.  It also felt like Sarah and I were planting seeds for Friends to come to future conferences, consider traveling in the ministry, or interact with different kinds of Friends in other ways.

In this report, I will give a more detailed description of each of the visits (the format varied), followed by some general thoughts about the experience of traveling with the minute from NPYM.

My primary role in visiting Northwest Yearly Meeting annual session was as the NPYM visitor, but I did have several informal conversations about the women’s conference while I was there.  Sarah P, my co-clerk on the women’s conference planning committee, and I met with the NWYM Administrative Council (AC) to talk about the women’s conference and ask for a traveling minute for Sarah, like the one I had received from NPYM.  The AC approved giving Sarah a traveling minute and the women of the AC offered support and guidance for Sarah as we discerned where to travel.

During our visit to Camas Friends Church in early October, Sarah P and I stayed with Wess and Emily D.  It was wonderful to spend time with them and we had an opportunity to worship with them in their home.  On Sunday in programmed worship, Sarah gave a prepared message.  We met with several women from Camas after lunch to talk about the women’s conference.  Women shared their experiences in going to the conference in the past as well as times when they had encountered different kinds of Friends. 

One thing that was surprising to me on this visit was learning more about the central role of the pastor in NWYM churches.  Sarah stepped into this role as the person preaching on Sunday and I felt more like a support person.  Sarah and I encountered some difficulties in traveling as two ministers without an elder, as well as in balancing our friendship and the different kinds of work we were doing together.  We continued to work on these issues between this visit and our next official meeting visit together, which for a variety of reasons did not take place until the end of February.

My visits to Anchorage Friends Meeting and Spokane Friends Church were informal visits while I was traveling for other reasons.  I visited Anchorage Friends Meeting while I was staying with my family for Christmas.  My friend Inger H, who is not a Quaker, accompanied me and agreed to hold me in prayer if I felt led to speak.  After worship, the Friends there asked me to read my minutes aloud and speak briefly about the women’s conference.  I enjoyed worshiping with these Friends again after visiting them the previous year.  I visited Spokane Friends Church while spending the weekend with Sarah P.  Sarah and I attended programmed worship together and Sarah made an announcement introducing the women’s conference and me.

Sarah P and I visited Eugene Friends Meeting and Eugene Friends Church in late February.  We stayed with Tom and Vicki S, who were wonderful hosts.  On Saturday evening, Tom and Vicki hosted a potluck with about a dozen Friends from the meeting and the church.  I felt like the potluck was the reason we were there; Friends from the meeting and church really enjoyed spending time together and suggested getting together regularly and having official visits to each other.  The next morning, Sarah and I attended 8:30 a.m. programmed worship at Eugene Friends Church, and made announcements about the women’s conference at two Sunday school classes there.  We then went to Eugene Friends Meeting for singing and attended 11 a.m. unprogrammed worship, making announcements about the women’s conference at each.

Sarah and I rescheduled our visit to Bellingham Friends Meeting at least once before our trip in late March.  We also ended up driving up on Sunday morning instead of staying overnight because we were too tired to make the trip after clerking a committee meeting all day.  We sang and worshiped with Friends, then led the adult religious education hour after meeting.  In adult religious education, we began with worship and then asked Friends to name all of the words they could think of to describe the divine.  We wrote the words on the white board as they spoke and ended up with about 40 words.  It was a good visual and opened up the conversation.  We talked about the women’s conference and I gave an example of narrative theology by telling the story of how Sarah and I met.  Friends shared many stories about encountering different kinds of Friends.

Before Sarah and I visited Sandpoint Friends Meeting in April, Leann W offered to come with us as an elder.  We really appreciated her offer and enjoyed having her with us while we traveled.  Leann met with Sarah and me on Saturday afternoon for some worship and singing.  During worship, we noted that we were all in times of transition in our lives (jobs changing, coming to the end of traveling/working on the women’s conference).  On Sunday, the three of us went to Sandpoint Friends Meeting for unprogrammed worship.  After worship, Sandpoint had a potluck, then we led a discussion session.  We talked about the women’s conference, narrative theology, and different language for God.  Friends there asked us to talk about the different kinds of worship at our meetings and churches: Sarah described programmed worship at Spokane Friends, I described semi-programmed worship at Freedom Friends, and Leann talked about her Friday night worship group.

My visit to North Seattle Friends Church was fairly informal, though it was planned in advance.  Sarah H, who is on my care committee, agreed to come with me as an elder.  I made an announcement about the women’s conference during their “God stories” time, but my old fears about public speaking returned and I did not say everything I had hoped to say about the women’s conference.  Fortunately, Jan W added on to what I said and talked about the work of reconciliation the women’s conference is doing in this part of the country and the impact that it has beyond the Northwest. 

After this visit, I realized how tired I was from all of the travel and work on the women’s conference.  Travel in the ministry was physically, spiritually, and emotionally exhausting for me in general.  I needed at least a day to recover from each of these trips and ended up using quite a bit of sick leave from work.

Something that surprised me about these visits is that I did not feel led to speak in worship in any of the meetings I visited.  This felt like a learning experience for me on when not to speak.  I did speak in each meeting and church outside of meeting for worship, either by giving an announcement or leading a presentation.  Public speaking does not come easily for me and this gave me an opportunity to practice.  I also found that it became easier to talk about the women’s conference the more I did it.

Traveling with Sarah P was good and sometimes challenging.  We found that we had to work on our relationship in order for the ministry to work and at times it was very difficult.  Spending this much time doing ministry together was very good, though, and I think it helped us when we had to work together all the time during the women’s conference.  I felt that we were yoked together in ministry and made a deep spiritual connection through this work.

Over the past year, I have met with a care committee as part of the School of the Spirit program I am doing.  They were very supportive of my ministry and helped me through some of the more difficult times.  Other than my meetings with them, I felt pretty disconnected from University Friends Meeting.  At the time I requested the traveling minute from NPYM, I did not look at the section on traveling minutes in NPYM Faith and Practice.  I recently read it and learned that the process for granting a traveling minute is for it to first go to the member’s home meeting’s Oversight committee (p. 80).  Although this would have taken longer, I think going through this process and having the minuted support of University Friends Meeting would have made me feel more connected to the meeting while I was traveling.

Faith and Practice also says, “When a meeting grants a minute of travel, it should take care that, as far as possible, the service is not hindered for lack of funds or other resources.”  Fortunately, I received a grant from FWCC and spiritual support from my care committee, but it would have been nice to have more interaction with Friends from NPYM regarding whether I needed funds or other resources.

Thank you for giving me this traveling minute and the opportunity to represent NPYM while visiting meetings and churches in the Pacific Northwest.  Please let me know if you have any questions or would like any further information about my time traveling in the ministry.

Women's Conference Epistle

Here is the epistle from the 8th Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference, written by our fabulous epistle committee: Iris G, Aimee M, and Erin M.

To our Quaker family,

Surrounded by the waters and wildlife of Hood Canal and the snowy peaks of the Olympic Mountains, sixty women gathered in Seabeck, Washington from June 16-20, 2010 for the eighth Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference. Begun fifteen years ago to promote dialogue and build relationships among different Quaker traditions, this conference continues to be deeply Spirit led and enriches the lives of women who attend.

Though we represent different backgrounds and branches of Quakerism, the lines between these seemed very thin and blurred. No one avoided talking about her home meeting or church, but our membership didn’t have as much weight as our personal experiences shared in love. Even as we attempted to be open and accepting, at times we misstepped and unintentionally hurt each other. Many of us felt broken open and left this conference changed.

Through reflection papers we wrote, plenary sessions, home groups and discussion, we each connected personally with the theme, “Walk With Me: Mentors, Elders, and Friends.” Each plenary brought us back again and again to the awareness of the need for support and mentorship in our lives. We identified places in which we are being accompanied and are accompanying others and places where we feel the absence of that loving presence. Many of us made commitments to seek those relationships in our meetings, churches and beyond.

Despite colds, more serious illnesses and concerns for the health of loved ones, we drew strength, support, and encouragement from one another. Many think of the Women’s Conference as a reunion and newcomers found they were welcomed into the family with open arms.

In keeping with the testimony of community, we opened ourselves to another group, Interplay, also staying at the conference center. We described the kind of work that we each came to do, invited them to join us in worship, and likewise were invited to experience their ministry and we shared grace together before meals.

We celebrated the gifts of many through plenaries, workshops, singing and readings by several published authors. During one plenary session, several young adults shared personal experiences of their ministries in relation to the theme of the conference. We were thrilled to hear stories of women being supported and held sacredly in their ministry. However, we were deeply saddened to learn that some are not empowered or recognized in their ministries. We were thus reminded of the reality of sexism in the Society of Friends. Encircling the young adult women, we joined together in heartfelt prayer and were moved by its healing and supportive power. This experience deepened our worship and fellowship together. We challenged ourselves to be aware of internalized sexism, as well as the sexism in our churches and meetings, and to work toward true equality.

During business meeting on Saturday, we reaffirmed the work of this body of women and our leading to continue meeting together as an intra-faith group. We look forward to the next opportunity to join in fellowship.

And Be Glad

For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.  (Matthew 18:20).

Tomorrow evening, 60 or so women will gather in Seabeck, Washington for the 2010 Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference.  I have been living and breathing this conference for so long now, it is hard to believe it is actually almost here.

In a couple hours, I will go to the airport to pick up Sarah P, my co-clerk on the planing committee.  She and I have been working on the women's conference for over two years now, longer than I have had this blog.  I am glad that she will be here soon, because I am having a hard time focusing on anything today.  I don't know that she will be in any better shape, but it seems good for us to be together.  We are planning to go to a yoga class in the morning and then, God willing, head downtown for the ferry and over to Seabeck.

I keep thinking that I will get a call or have a sudden realization that I forgot something big, something crucial.  So far, that has not happened.  I am trying to let go, to know that we have done as much as we can do, and need to leave the rest to God.  

Over the past several weeks, a song has come to me in a variety of contexts.  We used to sing it when I was a kid, repeating each line:

This is the day
That the Lord has made.
I will rejoice
And be glad in it.

Regardless of what happens, I am doing my best to remember that this is the day that the Lord has made, and to rejoice and be glad in it.

Please keep us in your prayers as we gather together to spend time listening to God and each other.

Reflection Paper

In preparation for the 2010 Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference, we have asked each woman attending the conference to write a brief reflection paper on the theme, Walk With Me: Mentors, Elders, and Friends, and three quotes:

From: 2 Timothy 1:5-7
I’m reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois, then in your mother Eunice, and now, I’m certain, in you as well. That’s why I want to remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God didn’t give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, of self-discipline.

From: Martha Paxson Grundy, Tall Poppies: Supporting Gifts of Ministry and Eldering in the Monthly Meeting, p. 27, Pendle Hill Publications.
“Many Friends today are crying out for spiritual mentors, for ministers and elders who are lovingly steeped in our tradition. Some Friends hunger for a deeper relationship with God, for a connection with a divine power that heals and empowers. We long for wise and loving role models and examples.”

From: Patricia Loring, Listening Spirituality Vol. II, 1999.
“As meetings became settled, elders performed a variety of functions, according to their gifts and leadings. . . . [A]ll gifts and ministries were for building up the spiritual life of the meeting and the Society: directing and re-directing people to the Spirit of God, to the Inward Christ, the Light, the Inward Teacher, the Guide, the one true Priest and Shepherd. It was clearly understood that any member of the meeting might be called to some part of this service, but that some were specifically led by the Spirit at any given time.”

This is my reflection paper, which will be shared with all of the women attending the conference.

Walk With Me: Mentors, Elders, and Friends

As a child, I had frequent nightmares.  Seeing any sort of violent picture or watching a violent movie would give me terrible dreams.  I convinced my younger sister to share a bed with me for years to try to keep the bad dreams away (though I told her that it was because she might have nightmares, not me).  When I talked to my mom about my bad dreams, she gave me a Bible verse, II Timothy 1:7.  In the translation she taught me, the verse was, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and a sound mind.”

I think the verse was helpful for me when I was younger, and the translation we are using for this conference seems like an appropriate message for me now.  “For God didn’t give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, of self-discipline.”  I sometimes act as if God had given me a spirit of timidity.  I resist giving vocal ministry until I am visibly shaking and my breath is ragged and it is clear to everyone around me that I have to speak.  I dread public speaking and I am embarrassed when I am the center of attention.  But God keeps telling me to speak, so I do.

As I have helped plan this conference over the past two years, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the theme.  The first time I heard Quakers use the word “elder,” I didn’t know what it meant, but I knew it sounded like a bad thing.  These Friends were discussing someone’s inappropriate behavior in meeting and having to “elder” that person.  Since then, I have learned a more positive definition of elder: someone who names and nurtures the spiritual gifts of people in a meeting and cares for the spiritual needs of the meeting as a whole.

Part of the work I have done to prepare for this conference has been to visit Friends meetings and churches and invite women to come.  Sarah P and I have gone to many meetings and churches to worship with Friends and talk about our experiences with the conference.  Although speaking in front of groups has been challenging for me, overall, this travel in the ministry has been a very good experience.  Friends have been welcoming and we have had wonderful discussions about the different ways we talk about and experience the Spirit.

I am so grateful to all of the women who have been walking alongside me for the past two years.  Each time the planning committee met, elders would hold us in prayer.  I have a wonderful support committee made up of women who meet with me once a month to worship, listen, and hold me accountable as I try to discern what I am called to do.  As Sarah and I have traveled and worked together, we have tried to be intentional about our spiritual friendship, giving each other space to talk about how God is at work in our lives.  I am also thankful for all the friends who have checked in with me and given me phone call pep talks.

Many people have commented on how young Sarah and I are to be co-clerking the planning committee.  When I attended the last women’s conference, I was so impressed by the amount of experience the women at the conference had.  I met women who had served as leaders in their meetings, churches, and in the wider Quaker world.  I look up to these women as mentors and elders, and I hope that this conference will provide space for women to share what they have learned with each other, across lines of age and tradition.

Setting aside time to listen to God and to listen to each other is a powerful thing.  As much as I have been trying to plan this conference, I know that I can only do so much.  I look forward to hearing what each person will bring as we gather together to listen.

[If you are interested in attending the conference, registration is open until June 1 on our website.  We are also accepting donations for scholarships.]