Quaker Confirmation

Quakers do not have Confirmation, but I think we should.  For those who are unfamiliar with the term, Confirmation is a process for young people in the church to become a member of the church.  In many denominations, this occurs when the young people are between 12-14, though it can happen earlier or later.  After a series of classes, the church has a special liturgy for the confirmands to make a statement of faith and the church to welcome them.  In some denominations, like the Holy Roman Church, Confirmation is a sacrament.

Friends do not have any outward sacraments, and I am not suggesting that we create a sacrament of Confirmation.  I think there are good reasons, however, to have a Quaker version of a Confirmation class for our high school group in Atlanta Friends Meeting, culminating in an invitation to become a member of the meeting.

For Friends, membership is a way of establishing mutual support and accountability between the individual and the meeting---the Friend makes a commitment to be a part of this faith community and support it spiritually, physically, and financially.  In return, the meeting recognizes that the individual is a part of this spiritual community and the meeting is responsible to care for and encourage the person in body and spirit.  Membership is not required to be involved in the life of the meeting, but there are certain positions and committees on which one cannot serve unless one is a member.

In Atlanta Friends Meeting, we have many teenagers who are part of the meeting, but not many of them are members.  As these teens graduate from high school and begin thinking about college and finding jobs, they will most likely move into a time of transition.  This may result in moving to another place and they may not find another meeting to join for a decade or more.  Having a class on what it means to be a member of a Quaker meeting and encouraging them to become members of Atlanta Friends Meeting is a way to provide support and accountability for these young Friends during this time of transition.

Ideally, a Quaker Confirmation class would include the following:

• An overview of Quaker history, including the different branches of Friends and the Testimonies (Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality, and Service)
• A discussion of what occurs during Quaker worship
• A workshop on Faith and Practice and Quaker business process
• Invitations to participate in business meeting and to sit in on a committee meeting
• A panel on what it means to be a member and why one would consider membership
• An explanation of the process for membership, with an invitation to apply for membership

Ultimately, the process for membership for those in the Confirmation class would be the same as for anyone else in the meeting, as set forth in SAYMA Faith and Practice, p. 34.  The individual would write a letter to the Ministry and Worship committee, indicating why they feel drawn to the Religious Society of Friends.  Ministry and Worship would then set up a clearness committee to meet with the individual.  Once the committee is clear to recommend membership, it would report back to Ministry and Worship, which then makes a recommendation to business meeting.  The business meeting would hold the recommendation over for one month and, if all approved, welcome the individual into membership.

Some caveats:  First, I think we may need to call it something other than Confirmation.  When we discussed the idea of having a class like this in our Ministry and Worship committee, there were some who came from liturgical traditions and balked at the word Confirmation.  Second, it would have to be very clear that this is an invitation, and the teenagers are not required to become members of the meeting.  Third, if the class is interested, it might be a good idea to have time for visiting other kinds of faith communities, to give the class an opportunity to see whether another path might be a better fit for them.

Regardless of what the meeting decides to call it, I hope that Atlanta Friends Meeting will consider some form of Quaker Confirmation.  I recommend holding the class at least once every four years for the high school group, and preferably every other year, to give the teens two opportunities to consider whether they want to become members.  This is a way for everyone in the meeting to engage in intergenerational conversations of what membership means, and for the meeting to provide support and accountability for the teens as they consider their next phase of life. 

[Written for my Practicum in Liturgy on Weddings, Funerals, and Confirmation.]

Dialogue II

Sometimes when I travel among Friends, it feels like this:

OLDER FRIENDS:  But . . . we thought you would [be on X committee, come to Y event, speak to Z issue].

ME:  Get used to disappointment.

------

Possibly related: I have had this song in pretty regular rotation on my ipod since returning from the FGC Gathering.

Blessings, Friends.

FGC Gathering: Some Thoughts on Privilege

There were several themes in the air at the FGC Gathering, and one of them was the concept of privilege.  I heard at least two messages in meeting for worship about privilege, and I know many people were in conversation about it.

All of that made me think about the difference between privilege and privilege.

I think you know what I mean, but just in case, here's an illustration.  Imagine a middle-aged man beginning to give a talk by saying, "I feel so privileged to be here tonight."  Now imagine a young woman with hairy legs and a shaking voice saying to that man, "Check your privilege."

It's the same man.  He has the same amount of privilege.  But it's different, right?

As I write this, I am keenly aware that I am a newcomer to this conversation.  But I sense an opening, in myself and in the Religious Society of Friends, that we are ready to engage more deeply on this issue. 

Part of that opening is inspired by two recent posts by Joanna H (Privilege, part 1 and Privilege, part 2).  I also know that many Friends (and others) have been working hard on this issue for years.  Ones that come immediately to mind are Liz O, Vanessa J, Jeanne B, and George L, and I know there are many more.

This is not meant to be a treatise on privilege.  Rather, I am taking a page from Parker Palmer and trying to write about something I don't completely understand.  I know it is challenging, and I appreciate you hanging in there with me.

It feels disingenuous to talk about the ways I feel marginalized without first acknowledging my own privilege.  Yesterday, a co-worker and I took a minute to list all of the ways we could think of that I am privileged.  It was a long list. 

I am: white, able-bodied, blue-eyed, Christian, reasonably attractive and fit, very well-educated, employed, cisgender, and a U.S. citizen.  I come from a middle class background and I have a vast safety net of family and friends.  Although I identify as bisexual, I usually come across as straight, which means that I have the choice of whether and when to reveal my sexual orientation.  The list goes on.  I did not do anything to earn this privilege, and all of these things make my life easier.

I am also a woman and a young adult Friend. 

Over the past few years as I have traveled among Friends, I have encountered assumptions about me and about who we are as Friends that make me feel alienated as a woman and a young person.  [Note: it feels a little strange for me to identify here as young.  I am 31.  In all other parts of my life, I am a real adult.  But in the context of the Religious Society of Friends, I am young and I am grouped into Young Adult Friends (YAFs), regardless of whether I identify as one.] 

This post is about the ways I have felt marginalized by my gender and age.  I am not trying to fix things.  I am just going to list of some of the assumptions I have come across and attempt to explain why they make me feel "other."  Although I am trying to separate them out, there is some overlap.

Assumption #1:  YAFs do not have much Quaker experience (and have lots of free time).  Last year, when I was in Kenya for the World Conference of Friends, a woman sat down next to me at breakfast.  She mentioned that she was on a nominating committee and asked me what my gifts and talents were.  I told her that I was pretty busy.  She said, "You're young, how busy could you be?"  At the time, I was clerk of my meeting in addition to holding down a full-time legal job.

Assumption #2:  We all have the same amount of money.  We don't.  Some people, when they want to go to a Quaker event, just write a check.  I don't think I have ever paid a full registration fee for a Quaker event.  In order to go to the FGC Gathering this summer, I had four grants (the Pickett Endowment, a workgrant for leading a workshop, a travel grant, and a scholarship from my meeting).  Young people are more likely to be taking the cheaper options: sharing rooms, getting fewer meals, or camping.  YAFs are less likely to have vacation homes.  At the World Conference of Friends, much was made of having Friends pay their fair share based on their home countries' gross domestic product.  But while we were there, a YAF from one of the wealthiest countries confided in me that she had been homeless just months before the conference.

Assumption #3:  The people who want to be there, are.  Sometimes when older Friends sigh and say, "Where are the young people?"  I want to respond, "They are at work!"  We do not all have flexible schedules.  I am fortunate enough to have a job with paid vacation leave, but even so, I had to save up for months to have enough vacation time to go to the Gathering for a week.  It is time I did not spend on other vacation or to see my family.  Young Friends are working to pay rent, support their families, or pay off student loans and other debt.  YAFs have to carefully discern whether to attend Quaker events.

Assumption #4:  Everyone feels safe.  Like many women (and also a lot of men), I am a survivor of sexual assault.  One of the consequences is that I am very sensitive about people touching me, especially men.  As a woman, I have found that many men—including Quakers—feel free to touch me in ways that they would never touch other men.  At Quaker events, there is a lot of hugging and other casual touch, and Friends have at times made me feel uncomfortable (or even shamed me) for avoiding hugs.  (And don't even get me started on "cuddle puddles.")

Assumption #5:  Everyone has an equal opportunity to speak and be heard.  This is a hard one because Friends have always held that men and women are equal.  However, in our culture, women are socialized to keep quiet and men tend to interrupt and to dominate the conversation.  Although Quakers try for more equality, we don't just leave those patterns behind when we are in Quaker settings.  One of the ways this comes out is in conversations about vocal ministry.  The assumption often is that ministers tend to speak too soon and for too long (more common for men).  My experience is that I am more likely to be unfaithful by waiting too long before I speak (more common for women).  Rather than being told to "be humble" in ministry, women may need to be told to "be bold."

I could go on, but that feels like enough for now.  I am not sharing these to try to make anyone feel bad.  I just ask that, if you find yourself making these assumptions, you stop to think first. 

Check your privilege, Friends.  And be grateful for the privileges God has given you.

Personal Statement

[This is the personal statement I wrote as part of my application for Candler School of Theology.]

"See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:19.

My name is Ashley Wilcox, and I am a Quaker minister, a lawyer, a writer, and a beloved child of God.  I am a gospel minister in the prophetic, Friends tradition; my message is, “Turn toward God, in whatever language you use for God.”  For the past few years, I have carried a concern for supporting ministers in the Religious Society of Friends.  I am now feeling called to seminary, which I believe will give me some of the tools I need to support those ministers.

Friends believe that all are ministers and God can speak through anyone.  We also believe that some are called to sustained, public ministry.  I first felt that call to ministry in the spring of 2008, at the Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference.  The purpose of the women’s conference is to bring evangelical and liberal Friends together to try to discover the best of our tradition through the use of narrative theology―telling the story of how God is at work in our lives.  Over the four days of the conference, I felt like God was holding up parts of my life that I had been unwilling to face, and asking me to deal with them.  I felt broken open and very tender.

By the end of the weekend, I had agreed to be co-clerk of the planning committee for the next conference.  I was exhausted and ready to go home when we entered into our final open worship.  Then, out of the silence, God spoke to me.  God said, “It’s not always going to be this easy.”

I said, “What?”  Of all the words I could think of to describe my experience at the conference, “easy” was not one of them.

God responded, “Yes, this is the easy part.  It is going to be a lot harder after this.  But I will be there too.”*

At the time, I felt shattered and overwhelmed.  But those words and the deep sense of calling I felt have gotten me through some very difficult times, and I am grateful for the sense I have of God’s presence with me.

Within a few months of the women’s conference I began to do traveling ministry.  I traveled to Friends meetings and churches to worship with them and share about the women’s conference.  I was not raised in the Religious Society of Friends―I became a “convinced Friend” while I was in law school―but I found that my childhood in the evangelical church was a great benefit in my ministry.  As a child, I had grieved that I could not speak in tongues like my classmates in our charismatic Sunday school, but I suddenly found that I could: even though I was a member of a liberal, unprogrammed Friends meeting, I knew the songs and language in the evangelical, programmed Friends churches.  I could act as a bridge between the two, and feel like I was part of both.

Since graduating from law school, I have worked as a judicial clerk for two state courts of appeals, in Washington and Oregon.  I spend most of my time as a clerk researching and writing judicial opinions.  I have enjoyed many things about clerking: it is good work and my colleagues are wonderful.  I have had opportunities to improve my writing, editing, and research skills.  One of the best things about working at the courts has been the 40-hour workweek, which is very rare in the legal profession!

While working for the courts, I have been able to do traveling ministry, participate in the School of the Spirit Ministry’s program On Being a Spiritual Nurturer, organize retreats and conferences, serve on committees, give talks, write articles, and serve as clerk of my meeting, Freedom Friends Church.  I am grateful for the flexibility and support I have received from my bosses and coworkers over the past several years.  Now, however, I feel that God is calling me to transition away from full-time legal work.

Applying to seminary right now feels a little like stepping off the boat.  As I said, I feel called to support ministers in the Religious Society of Friends, but that is not a job that currently exists.  There are a number of things happening right now though that give me the sense that there are big changes coming for Friends and Christianity as a whole, and I want to be in the best position I can be to nurture these changes.

First, a large number of women across denominations are being called into ministry.  This is a relatively new phenomenon in the church in general, but Friends have had women ministers for over 350 years, and I believe that Friends offer a unique perspective on women in ministry.  Second, an unprecedented number of Friends are being called to seminary.  It is not clear yet why God is calling so many to formal theological education―there currently are not enough positions for them―but I believe that there is a reason that Friends (and young Friends in particular) are being equipped for ministry in this way.  Third, there is a generational shift beginning in the Religious Society of Friends.  Until recently, the leadership was mostly comprised of people who came of age during the social activism of the Civil Rights movement and the Vietnam War.  Many of them were drawn to Friends because of the social causes Friends supported.  The rising generation of leaders may also be involved in social justice issues but, at its core, this generation is calling Friends to faithfulness.  Young Friends are seeking renewal, asking all of us to listen deeply to what the Spirit is calling us to do, individually and as a community.

A degree is not necessary to be a minister among Friends.  On the contrary, if all goes according to plan, I will most likely have finished the recording process (the Quaker version of ordination) and be a recorded (ordained) minister before starting seminary.  However, I believe that a Master of Divinity will give me useful tools for sustained public ministry.  I tend to give ministry everything I have, and I hope that seminary will help me develop better boundaries and self-care in doing ministry.  I am also interested in learning systematic theology, to give me perspective on the biases I unconsciously bring to texts and ministry.  I know that I have much to learn from the faculty and from my peers in the context of seminary, and I am eager to make connections with others who are called to ministry.

I am applying to Candler School of Theology because it seems like the best place for me to hone my skills in leadership and ministry.  I am impressed by how Candler explicitly supports denominational leadership, which is something that I would like to bring back to the Religious Society of Friends.  I look forward to the opportunity to spend two years doing contextual education, and I am particularly interested in the possibility of serving in a women’s prison during my first year of seminary.  I am also drawn to Candler because of its programs to support women in ministry; I am interested in exploring the certificate in Women, Theology, and Ministry.  It is clear that Candler is a place where people not only study theology, but worship together, practice their faith, and put that faith into action in the world.  I want to be a part of that kind of community.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


* I shared this story in the message I gave at the 2012 Pacific Northwest Quaker Women's Theology Conference, which was published in the July/August 2012 issue of Western Friend as Inviting Grace: Letters and Lessons from the Apostle Paul.

Networks of Support

When I travel among Friends, older Friends often comment in surprise that it seems like young adult Friends all know each other.  When they ask why this is, I say a few things: there aren't very many of us, we all tend to go to the same conferences and gatherings, and we have lots of mutual friends.  

But I think the main reason we stay so connected is social media.

When I talk about how important social media is for young adult Friends, I often get blank looks.  "You mean Facebook?"  they say.  "I have a Facebook account.  I don't really use it very much, though."

A few days ago, I had a conversation online that was a perfect example of the type of connection with other young adult Friends I am talking about.

This Sunday, in addition to being Easter, is the fifth Sunday of March.  At Freedom Friends Church, when there is a fifth Sunday, we alternate between having programmed worship and unprogrammed worship rather than our usual semi-programmed worship.  In the programmed worship, we ask someone to bring a prepared message and usually have someone lead special music.

I am scheduled to bring the message this Sunday.  While I am excited about it and I feel led to speak, it also makes me nervous.  It is unusual for anyone to preach at Freedom Friends.  In the nine years the church has been around, this is only the fifth time we have had programmed worship.

On Wednesday, I wrote on Twitter:

Last night, I dreamed that I lost my sermon notes for Sunday and when I got up to preach, I was completely naked. Whatever can it mean?

I wrote it in part because I thought it was funny.   It seemed to me like a classic anxiety dream, the kind where you haven't studied for the test and then you realize you are up in front of the classroom naked.

That afternoon, I got two responses.  The first was from Jon W, saying, 

Don't clothe yourself in plans! Let the Spirit strip you of the safety of notes! Prepare to be a pure, unfiltered channel!

The second was from Greg W, who said,

You are nervous! Relax! Also if God leads you to give another message, be open to that!

Greg also asked, 

Will you have an elder present?  

And I realized that, although my recording committee is going to be there, I had not asked anyone to elder.  I immediately sent an email to a member of the committee, asking if he would be willing to ground the space and hold the message in prayer.

In this brief, online conversation, fellow ministers who live in different cities reminded me of two important things: faithfulness in delivering the message and asking for the support I need.  I am grateful to them for their responses, and grateful for the ways that interactions on social media provide support and accountability for me in my ministry.


I wrote this article for an application to a scholarship sponsored by Direct2TV.com

Recording

"You'll be ordained before you start school in the fall, right?"  Inger asked me as we were standing in line at a coffee shop.  

I'm generally not a superstitious person, but I quickly looked around for some wood to knock―sort of a shorthand for "if it is God's will."  

I said, "If all goes according to plan, I will be recorded as a minister by my meeting over the summer."

I have now mentioned a few times on this blog that I am in the recording process at Freedom Friends Church, but I haven't felt ready to write about it directly.  Even though I have actually been in the process for years now, it still felt tenuous.  But the process is going forward, and I don't feel like I can avoid writing about it any longer.

First, some definitions and background.  Friends do not ordain ministers.  That is because Friends do not believe that people can make ministers, only God can give gifts of ministry.  Instead, Friends observe and record the gifts of ministry.  As section 4-5.1 of Freedom Friends' Faith and Practice states,

We recognize that God gifts and calls some individuals to sustained and public service. We recognize that God ordains these individuals. Friends can only recognize and record their gifts and calls. The purpose of this recording is to nurture and hold accountable these individuals and to give them the benefit of community discernment in the exercise of their gifts for the benefit of Friends and the world.

There are many yearly meetings around the world that still record ministers, but most liberal, unprogrammed Friends lay down the recording of ministers during the 20th century.  There were a variety of reasons for doing so, but my sense is that most of those Friends felt that recording ministers was inconsistent with the testimony of equality.

For those Friends who continue to record ministers, the recording processes vary greatly.  A few years ago, I interviewed a number of women from different yearly meetings who have been recorded as ministers.  That paper is available on my blog under the tag Gifts to Share.  

Last year, a task force at Freedom Friends looked at our Faith and Practice section on recording and created an annotated outline of the process.  They wrote, "This list presumes things going forward, it is possible at any point for the Friend, Clearness Committee, M and O or the Monthly Meeting to lay down or pause the process."  The task force also noted that the list is intended as a gentle framework with lots of room for flexibility and individuality.  The framework is:

1. Ministry is observed and/or the Friend feels led towards ministry.
2. Ministry and Oversight minutes step 1.
3. The Friend Meets with Ministry and Oversight for prayer, guidance and first set of queries.
4. Ministry proceeds.
5. The Monthly Meeting is notified that a Friend is being advised.
6. Ministry Proceeds
7. Ministry and Oversight recommends that the Friend is entered into a season of discernment, possibly leading to recording. The Monthly meeting is asked for its blessing of this.
8. A Clearness Committee is formed by M and O and the Friend with at least one member of M and O.
9. The Clearness Committee meets with the Friend and considers the second set of Queries, the CC and Friend design a support and accountability framework, including a timeframe for meeting and reporting.
10. Ministry proceeds.    
11. CC occasionally reports to M and O and M and O reports to the meeting.
12. When the CC feels that the Friends is ready to be recorded they let M and O know.
13. M and O recommends recording to the monthly meeting
14. The MM discerns the recording. 
15. If approved, a certificate will be made and a celebration would be appropriate.

I have now met with a recording committee twice, so I think that means I am on step 10 of the process.  

My recording committee is made up of three Friends, two from Freedom Friends and one from Multnomah Monthly Meeting.  Our first meeting in November was mostly organizational: how often the committee would meet, what the structure of the meetings will look like, how long we expect this process to take, etc.  We agreed to meet once a month, with the hope that the committee will bring a recommendation to the monthly meeting by June.  In our December meeting, the committee listened patiently for about two hours as I recounted a time when my ministry went particularly badly.  The topic for our January meeting is "power."

I have had a number of clearness/support/care committees over the years and they have all been wonderful.  This committee is no exception.  I have been nervous each time before we have met, but I don't need to be.  These Friends listen deeply, ground our meetings in worship, and ask good and challenging questions.

As noted, it is possible at any point to lay down the process.  I almost did last summer.  I had received the meeting's blessing to go forward with the process and the next step was to ask Friends to be on my recording committee, but I was dragging my feet.  

It is always hard to ask people to be on a support committee, but the real reason I was stalling was that the Faith and Practice states that recorded ministers can "arrange for nurture and accountability through other means that they desire, such as requesting elders, clearness or care committees, or spiritual direction."  It seemed like, at the end of the recording process, I would be in the same position as at the start, and wondered why I should subject myself to a recording process.

But then I spoke with a friend from an FUM yearly meeting who casually mentioned in our conversation that she was in the recording process, but was not meeting the benchmarks. Friends tend to be pretty quiet about these things, so I hadn't even known that she was in the recording process.

For the next few days, my heart felt lighter when I thought about our conversation.  I realized that, although I know a couple young women who are in the recording processes through their yearly meetings, and I know a lot of young Friends who are gifted and active in ministry, I do not know a single recorded minister who looks like me.  That feels deeply wrong.  If Friends truly believe that God gives gifts of ministry to people of all ages, races, and genders, our recorded ministers should reflect that belief.

Of course, the deep question when it comes to recording (the question that runs through my mind and seems to be out in the world, even if people don't usually say it directly) is this:

Who do you think you are?

 Or, what makes you so special?  Why should you be recorded as a minister?

When I hear that voice, I take a deep breath and try to remember who I am.  My name is Ashley Marie Wilcox.  I am 31 years old. I am a member of Freedom Friends Church of the Religious Society of Friends.  I am a beloved child of God.  

I believe that God has entrusted me with gifts of ministry and that those gifts are not for me alone, but for my meeting and for the Religious Society of Friends as a whole.  I need my meeting to support me and hold me accountable in using those gifts, and I have found through (sometimes painful) experience that my ministry bears more fruit when I go through the processes my meeting has put in place to provide support and accountability.  

So, I am going forward with the recording process.  I am sure there will be highs and lows along the way, but I trust my meeting to hold me in this process and I have faith that all will be according to God's will.


[For more information about the recording process at Freedom Friends as well as readings about recording in general, see the Resources page on the Freedom Friends website.]

The Cost of Traveling Ministry

About a week ago, Jon Watts wrote a series of posts asking Friends for help discerning way forward.  Although his Clothe Yourself in Righteousness project has been extremely successful financially, he is not making enough money to support himself.  He is questioning whether to lay his music ministry down.

I was not surprised to read Jon's posts, though they did make me sad.  Over the past few years, I have become one of the Friends who serves as a "last door out" for people leaving Quakerism.  I hear from young Friends who have been active in ministry but feel they have to leave.  In these conversations, two themes have emerged: lack of spiritual support and lack of financial support.  

This post is about the need for financial support.  (For more on spiritual support, see the paper I wrote on spiritual nurture for young Friends traveling in the ministry.)

Traveling ministry is expensive.  I believe that Friends have misunderstood our tradition of "free gospel ministry" as ministry with no cost.  There is always a cost and, right now, most of that cost is falling on the traveling ministers.  

I have been fortunate to receive many grants and scholarships from Friends in doing traveling ministry, as well as donations from individuals.  However, I have always lost money when I have done traveling ministry.

As I was preparing to visit North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative) this summer, I was thinking about how many Friends do not know the true cost of traveling ministry.  I wrote to a Friend on the yearly meeting planning committee and said that I was considering writing a post about the cost of traveling ministry, and asked if I could use NCYM-C as an example.  She graciously said I could, so I kept track of my expenses for the trip.

First, an explanation of the expenses and financial aid:

When I first felt led to visit NCYM-C, I wrote to a Friend in the yearly meeting about my leading.  She said that they would be happy to have me visit, but did not have money to pay for me to come.  So I applied for a grant from FWCC Section of the Americas for travel to and from the yearly meeting.  NCYM-C gave me a scholarship that covered my registration fee.

Apart from the travel costs, the most expensive thing about traveling ministry is the time it takes me away from my paid work.  I am fortunate to be employed and to have paid time off for vacation days and sick leave, and I mostly used that time for this trip.  Because these are paid days off, they did not actually cost me the amounts listed, but I could be using them for other things if I did not do traveling ministry.  In addition, I only had three vacation days saved up and I needed four days off work for the trip, so I took one day of leave without pay.  I also used one day of sick leave for a recovery day after I returned.  

I debated about including the expense for a massage, but I am trying to be as honest, accurate, and transparent as possible, and the truth is that traveling ministry is really hard on my body.  The combination of long hours traveling and spiritual work takes its toll, usually in my shoulders, back, and hips.  At various times, I have used acupuncture, physical therapy, and seen a chiropractor, but I have found that getting a massage right after traveling ministry is one of the best ways to readjust, so I include that in my budget when I travel.

Finally, even though I tried to include all of the expenses for the ministry here, there are some that I do not know.  While I was in North Carolina, Friends gave me rides to and from the airport and to annual sessions without accepting money for gas, gave me overnight hospitality, and fed me three meals outside of annual sessions.  I am grateful for their generosity.

Expense	Amount	Financial Aid	Amount
Round-trip flight from Portland to Greensboro	581	Travel grant from FWCC Section of the Americas	620
Taxi to shuttle	10
Shuttle from Salem to Portland airport	36
Gas for ride from Portland airport to Salem	20
NCYM-C annual session registration fee	215	Scholarship from NCYM-C	215
Food while traveling	18
Three paid vacation days	390
One day of leave without pay	130
One day of sick leave	130
Pet sitter	40
Massage	55
Total Expenses	$1625	Total Financial Aid	$835
Difference between expenses and financial aid: $790

I am posting these numbers in the hope that they will start a conversation.  I am not asking for money (at least, not right now).  I had a wonderful time visiting NCYM-C; my leading was clear and I felt well-used while I was there.  At the same time, I have cut way back on the amount of time I spend doing traveling ministry, in part because of how costly it is.

I recently spoke about this with a Friend who is in her forties.  She said, "I just don't understand why those young Friends are burning themselves out."  For me, that comment reflected the lack of connection between many of the young Friends doing traveling ministry and the wider Quaker community.

So, like Jon, I have some questions for this largest clearness committee in the history of Quakerism:

• Are young Friends mishearing the call from God to traveling ministry?
• Does the Religious Society of Friends feel led to have a vibrant traveling ministry?
• If so, how are Friends going to financially support that ministry?

*** UPDATE 9/18/12 ***

I realized to my chagrin today that I had completely forgotten to include in my budget the fact that, while I was traveling, a Friend quietly slipped me a check for $200 to help with traveling ministry.  So really, the total financial aid in my chart should be $1,035 and the difference between expenses and financial aid should be $590.  I am grateful to that Friend for the spontaneous gift and to all those who have done the same at various times.  That financial support from individuals is so encouraging and has made it possible for me to continue doing the work of traveling ministry.

Prophecy

"Do not quench the Spirit.  Do not treat prophecies with contempt, but test them all and hold on to what is good . . ."  I Thessalonians 5:19-21.

One of my spiritual gifts is prophecy. 

I have said that sentence so many times, I forget sometimes that it might sound strange to others.  Regardless, it is true.  I have had that gift affirmed by Friends many times, in earnest and teasingly (friends who know me well like to say things like, “And then Ashley said, in her prophetic way . . .” or “How did you know that I needed that?  You must be a prophet!”).

Of course, when I say it for the first time to someone new, that inevitably leads to a discussion of what prophecy means.  My personal definition of prophesying is:  Telling the truth, all the time.  Thomas Merton has a much fancier definition:

To prophesy is not to predict, but to seize upon reality in its moment of highest expectation and tension toward the new.  This tension is discovered not in hypnotic elation, but in the light of everyday experience.

(Borrowed from Jan Hoffman and Kenneth Sutton’s piece in Walk Worthy of Your Calling, p. 153.)

Merton's definition also works for me―I tend to see things both as they are and as they might be, which can be quite painful at times.  Perhaps a more palatable way to say it is that I am intuitive and empathetic, with a gift for speaking to the present moment.

One thing I have learned is that prophets are mirrors, not problem-solvers.  The prophet's job is to deliver the message; it is up to the people listening to decide what to do with it.  In practical terms, that means I usually don't have answers when people ask me, "What are you going to do to fix this problem you have named?"

I am not alone.

Far from it.  There are many others like me―what an older Friend recently referred to as my "litter."  Young adult Friends with strong, prophetic voices, doing powerful ministry in spite of the odds.

We recognize each other, sometimes without ever having met.  The forms of our ministry vary, but we see the same call in each other.  We stay in touch over long distances, through email and social media.  When there are opportunities for us to meet in person, either individually or in groups, the energy is amazing.  But those opportunities are often few and far between.

There is a high level of burnout in this group, for a variety of reasons.  The work is hard.  Although a few of us have found ways to support themselves through ministry, most have other jobs in addition to doing this work.  Some of us have spiritual support from our meetings, others do not.  We feel the pressure of representing our generation, that there is little room for error. 

And sometimes it feels like we are yelling but no one has ears to hear . . . or they listen only long enough to shut us down.

After burning out, some leave Friends altogether.  But others of us stay, because this is our home.

 I recently had the opportunity to gather with some of these ministers at the World Conference of Friends.  I have connected with others since returning home.  My interactions with these Friends were enlivening and challenging, and gave me fresh energy for the work ahead.  

I know that we can't stay at these gatherings forever, that our work is also to go back out in the world.  But it also feels wrong for us to go back to our individual struggles to make ends meet, each of us trying to figure out how to do this ministry on our own.

I am left with the question:  What would the Religious Society of Friends look like if this rising group of ministers had the support, nurture, and accountability to thrive?

Nakedness

As you may have heard, Jon W has a new CD out.

The album is called "Clothe Yourself in Righteousness" and is available for sale on Jon's website, along with a pamphlet about the spiritual symbolism of nakedness by Maggie H.

I have not read the pamphlet yet, but I have listened to the CD, and it is beautiful.  Jon does more than take off his clothes in this music—he bares his soul.  Jon is a poet and a prophet: he speaks the truth and is willing to be vulnerable and let the light of Christ shine through him.

Recently, a dear friend and elder wrote,

There is a cadre of Young Friends at present who are showing us older Friends how to reach across the boundaries Friends have allowed to separate us, recognizing and claiming the spiritual gifts of all kinds of Friends and knitting them together.  They are passionate in their faith, ready to sacrifice much to be witnesses for it. 

Jon is one of these Friends.  I am grateful for his faithfulness, and I encourage you to listen to his music and support him in his ministry.

Care Committee Report II

Final Report to the School of the Spirit from Ashley W's Care Committee
June 2011

Introduction

We have met for the first time as the complete support committee for Ashley in order to prepare this report.  Half of us live in Seattle and met with Ashley during the first year of the School of the Spirit and the other half live in Oregon where Ashley moved a year ago. All of us have been kept informed by the sharing of notes from each meeting and have other periodic contacts with Ashley.  What follows arose out of the day five of us spent together in Portland with Ashley present.[1]

Because we are a scattered group geographically, our connections are probably different than that of some of the other Care Committees.  Only one of us is a member of Ashley’s current meeting, Freedom Friends Church (FFC), thus many of our interactions with her are in the broader context of the Quaker world.  Those of us in Seattle did have the gift of working closely with her as she named her ministry to University Friends Meeting (UFM) and worked with us during UFM’s year of discernment, taking a leadership role in developing retreats and the overall process.  This year she has stepped forward and serves as clerk at FFC.  She has visited with Friends at Multnomah Meeting in Portland while serving as elder for Marge at a workshop and for Noah M for part of the time while he was Friend-in-Residence there.

Self-knowledge and the ability to articulate it

In some ways, the SoS experience has helped Ashley to better articulate some aspects of herself, both to others and herself. At the first residency, she grudgingly admitted she was a minister, and that she wasn’t happy about it. It was a word that was hard for her. More recently, she casually told a friend of a friend she already was a minister. She also felt like she had more clarity about her own faith and gifts when writing her final paper- it was a lot easier to state those than it would have been two years ago. Writing about them is much easier for her than talking about them.

Ashley received a response from a SoS instructor to her faith and gifts statement, which among other things called out that it’s important for her to know when she’s bringing too much intensity to the table. In conversation with a co-worker, she realized she’s not intense at work- so it happens in some places and not in others. Ashley knows she is sensitive, and knows that she can be intense. She thinks it may be good for her to have a job where she’s not intense (as it presently the case), as a means to balance out her life. Excitement and focus on just one thing tend to trigger the intensity. Sometimes it’s the Spirit, sometimes it’s her personal response to an experience.

In an earlier conversation, a Friend made the distinction between being a conduit and an instrument of God, which is useful to Ashley. She played violin as a child, and remembers how awful she sounded as a 5-year-old with little experience and a tiny violin! A lot of the time when she has been given vocal ministry, she’s felt like a conduit. When she thinks about speaking in other venues, it feels more like she’s an instrument- same spirit, but different. It’s comforting to her to think about how much practice on the violin it took before she started to sound good.

Another Friend observed that as a conduit, your job is to clear the channel, whereas as an instrument, there may be many other things you need to do or practice in order to bring that sound to life. Being an instrument of God involves discipline and stuff that isn’t necessarily fun.

Gifts of Spiritual Nurture

Ashley took an online quiz on spiritual gifts, and it came up with a list of five that resonated with her:

Prophecy- this came up at almost every residency. Ashley thinks of this as truth-telling all the time. Prophecy isn’t always obvious, at least not to her, and she doesn’t know whether something she says is prophetic, necessarily, when she says it.

Writing- comes easiest, has the most experience and training here.

Prayer- is, for Ashley, an obvious response to things that happen. Having grown up with a lot of vocal prayer, she’s pretty comfortable with it.

Knowledge- understanding and working with systems- of power, structures, how organizations work- comes naturally to Ashley.

Faith- hopefully it comes through! She talks a lot about being a Quaker- her co-workers associate it with her, which isn’t the same thing as talking about God, but it’s in the neighborhood.

We wondered if “faith” is a gift per se, or rather something you just have. Is there a difference between a gift and a talent? Faith isn’t a talent, to be sure; is writing? And can/how do you work on gifts?

We also asked if the gift of prophecy had developed further in the past year, if her understanding of that gift has changed, and about her role as a prophet.

Talking about prophecy has become easier for her, if only through repetition. Her September talk at the residency on “the other as a prophetic role” was really good for this, too. Frank M hammered on this point then, and said he thought she was ready, but not ready to be ready- which was obscure, but felt right. “A prophet isn’t respected in his hometown.” This feels right, but it’s also difficult to be a prophet in your hometown, because you’re integrated into the community, not looking in from the outside. The message of a prophet is “turn toward God” and that’s the message she keeps giving over and over. But it’s not a comfortable role or word, and it’s not something she wants to do all the time. She wants to be able to feel comfortable and at home sometimes. She doesn’t think prophecy is about a new message so much as it is about timing- saying the right thing at the right time.

More used to the idea, yes, but not comfortable. Prophecy isn’t a full-time job; sometime you have to go home. The role is between God and the community. The job is to turn people/community toward God- which echoes Ashley’s description of her ministry a year ago.

One Friend noted she talked about prayer as more of a response than a proactive endeavor. Ashley said she does think of it as a response to things and people: being sensitive to people’s condition. The gift is to be able to pray for them, out loud or not, depending on the situation. The gift is the sensitivity to the need. We spoke of the many different kinds of prayer, and how talking to God can be a gift of proactive or reactive character. We wondered if this was a part of her leadership gifts, or if it’s a more personal thing. Ashley thinks of it as both. Prayer is part of vocal ministry and leading meeting in prayer happens often at Freedom Friends. Prayer overlaps with faith, too, in that she has a deep conviction that prayer works. Eldering also involves a lot of prayer.

How are these gifts in relation to spiritual nurture? And is spiritual nurture really what it’s about for you? Is a prophetic ministry different from spiritual nurture? Ashley thinks of prophetic ministry as being more challenging, and spiritual nurture is more comforting. Leadership relates to both- comforting the afflicted and afflicting the comfortable. The program has helped Ashley to name her gifts, find her voice, and learning, rather than focusing on spiritual nurture as a comforting thing. The program focused on nurturing and deepening the RSoF, with the hope that participants would bring that experience back to their meetings. One Friend also called out an intent to develop leadership, which can take a multiplicity of forms in spiritual nurture.

Ashley’s Place in the Meeting Community

There’s some question of how to define Ashley’s meeting. Corinthians I shows up everywhere in Ashley’s life. The bit of the ear wanting to be the foot, and for her, the bit about owning which gifts are hers, and not being envious of other’s gifts. This question provoked reflection amongst the committee members. Ashley does feel like she’s a member of many different manifestations of the body of Christ, and a part of Friends in the Northwest. When asked if her role is different in the different communities she’s a part of, Ashley responded that it is. At Freedom Friends, it’s to be clerk; other places she goes, she’s a Young Friend. She feels in-between about that, in that she doesn’t quite fit in that community, but around older Friends, she is perceived as a Young Friend, so ends up being an intercessory between the two.

The ‘shadow’ yearly meeting in the PNW, where Friends in the Northwest find affinities across the yearly meeting and theological lines was mentioned. This “yearly meeting” is not named, and these Friends don’t all think alike, but there are ties there. Does anything carry over from her role as co-clerk of this “yearly meeting”? She mentioned a few things. A friend asked if she would be a prayer partner when traveling; the planning committee asked if she would be a speaker at the next one. She’s well-known there and continues to have relationships in that circle.

How about in the blogosphere? What’s the role there? She’s connected, knows most of the people who end up on QuakerQuaker, at least a little bit. The overlap between the blogosphere and the Convergent Friends scene is there. The world gathering, another venue of this sort, still feels distant to her.

Has the experience of SoS helped clarify her place in these various worlds, and has there been growth in that? Yes- part of it has been exposure to Conservative Friends, as well as more liberal East Coast Friends. The program has felt like a container for a lot of what she’s been doing, with her care committee and K group providing her with a place to talk. Two years ago at this time, she’d never been to any yearly meeting! Now she’s one of the usual suspects.

It was reflected that Ashley’s public roles serve as a connecting force, bringing the rest of the world into Freedom Friends. Ashley shared her frequent sense of meeting as a group of people held together with a big rubber band, with varying levels of attachment to various folk.

Discernment of Leadings: Her Roles as Minister and Elder

Regarding her role as minister and/or elder, Ashley focused on that which tells me when I’m supposed to be doing/not doing.  She used to feel that when money came through, it was a clear indicator that she was supposed to act.  Lately she has come to see that this is not a sufficient discernment.  More is needed.  She has to keep listening. Things are less black and white than they used to be in general. She used to feel really clear about leading, now, not so much.

She’s read Art Larabee’s article on good discernment to clarify this process: what are the things she associates with good or negative discernment (in relation to testing leadings). Just because Ashley has felt bad about something doesn’t mean she was wrong in her discernment. She was asked rhetorically: when is a leading something worth testing with a couple people, and when is something just crystal-clear? She also talked about how it takes courage to recognize when a leading has turned out to be untrue, and to reflect on it and learn from the mistake. Corporate testing of leadings big and small is one of the gifts of the RSoF.

Often leadings are only recognized in the rear-view mirror. A piece of discernment is seeing where the path was divinely ordered. Leadings aren’t just I’m here, what next, they are also, okay, I got here through divine guidance. Leadings usually don’t show the way clear to their very ends. Ashley talked about her clerking of Freedom Friends as an instance of being rightly-led, but not necessarily for the length of time she’d anticipated. She represents the idea of someone other than Alivia or Peggy being clerk.

Minister and elder – discernment of roles.  Where is Ashley now?   75% minster/25 % elder still holds.  She is not giving up eldering totally, but feels more called to be a minister now.  This past year she has served as an elder a lot and esp. when eldering for Noah she felt a strong pull to minister.  This became an example that if you don’t listen to voices early, they get louder and more chaotic.  A very painful experience. There was also a lot of good and there is a deep need for people to take up that role for others who are ministers.  Eldering was the theme of the Women’s Conference and of part of the SoS program. Both made a lot more people comfortable with that concept and role.

It was noted that you can’t do both at once and we spoke of the criteria which distinguish them (in past Ashley saw a sharp line between vocal ministry and eldering – something which is not true today). This is an important and painful point of growth for Ashley.

Areas of Growth

Can’t believe that 2 years ago Ashley had never been to a yearly meeting.  Since then has attended 5 yearly mtgs.  Ashley gets systems insights quickly.  It was affirmed that this is a huge gift and something she has used well.

Increased capacity to find her own voice has been a visible sign of growth – partly because she had to although this is probably hard for her.  Two years ago she would have skipped business meeting in order not to have to give a report.

Growth has occurred in the ownership of her ministry, although she may still be resistant to prophetic ministry.  Ministry has changed shape for her.

One growing edge is in asking for help.  When Noah was here, she felt pushed to do that–an awful thing and a good thing. Along with this is learning how to accept help.

More confidence in what she is doing and where she is going with it – when in past she had direction yet was unsure & scattered?

It was noted that Ashley didn’t answer question about self-care as part of being a Spiritual nurturer and a minister and leader.  That this spring this was an important dynamic.  Ashley has been developing more practices, but not enough – or perhaps “trying” too much.

Coming to see when it is appropriate to say no, perhaps a lifelong task.  This year she has been getting a lot of lessons in letting go and seeing things go forward without her.  At Freedom Friends, the Recording Ministers task force, her leading/idea, but not hers to do.  Other times has taken things forward when it was not hers to do.

To be synthetic is to be convergent and very much needed.  Vision without shape and structure is fleeting.  Ashley feels more like Fell than Fox and finds Paul very sympathetic, pulling stuff together.

One favorite ministry is from World Gathering of Young Friends where someone spoke that it was quite possible that when leadings appear, it doesn’t mean that if you don’t take them they die.  Someone else will take up that work if you don’t have the capacity.

Care Committee: Kathy H, Marge A, Judy M, Ann S, Lucy F, Jana O, Sarah H

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[1] Jana O and Sarah H were unable to attend this meeting.