Let's Talk About Sin

[The message I gave in programmed worship on August 2, 2015 at First Friends Meeting.  An audio recording of the message is available on the First Friends website.]

2 Samuel 12:1-13 (NRSV)

And the Lord sent Nathan to David. He came to him, and said to him, “There were two men in a certain city, the one rich and the other poor.  The rich man had very many flocks and herds; but the poor man had nothing but one little ewe lamb, which he had bought. He brought it up, and it grew up with him and with his children; it used to eat of his meager fare, and drink from his cup, and lie in his bosom, and it was like a daughter to him.  Now there came a traveler to the rich man, and he was loath to take one of his own flock or herd to prepare for the wayfarer who had come to him, but he took the poor man’s lamb, and prepared that for the guest who had come to him.”  Then David’s anger was greatly kindled against the man.  He said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this deserves to die; he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity.”

Nathan said to David, “You are the man! Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel: I anointed you king over Israel, and I rescued you from the hand of Saul; I gave you your master’s house, and your master’s wives into your bosom, and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would have added as much more.  Why have you despised the word of the Lord, to do what is evil in his sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the Ammonites.  Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, for you have despised me, and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.  Thus says the Lord: I will raise up trouble against you from within your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes, and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this very sun.  For you did it secretly; but I will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun.”  David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”  Nathan said to David, “Now the Lord has put away your sin; you shall not die.”

This morning we are talking about a challenging topic: sin.  A lot of the time, Quakers do not like to talk about sin.  We prefer to start with the Light within: there is that of God in each of us, and if we listen for that voice of God, we will hear.  But sometimes that Light within is what shows us the ways that we have strayed, the ways that we have missed the mark.  And there are a lot of people missing the mark in this passage.

I also think it’s important to talk about sin because, as one of my professors in seminary said, if we don’t have a theology of sin, then we tend to locate sin outside of ourselves.  We see it in other people or other kinds of people rather than in ourselves.

A lot of people know the story that came before this one, the story of Bathsheba, but let’s talk about that first so we have some context.  It’s a hard story.  David had become king of Israel.  He was the ruler with all the power, and he had wives, property, and a house.  One day as he looked out, he saw this woman Bathsheba as she was bathing for a purification ritual, and he wanted her.  So he sent out his men to her and brought her to him.  He knew she was married to Uriah, but he did this anyway, and he slept with her.  Then when Bathsheba told David that she was pregnant, he first tried to get her husband to come back to make it seem like the baby was his.  But when Uriah refused, David then arranged to have him killed in the front line of battle.

So we go from that story to the story of Nathan confronting David.  This is the second time that we have seen Nathan confront David: we saw that a few weeks ago when David wanted to build a house for God and Nathan said no, David would not be the one to build a house for God.  And so Nathan comes again to David and he tells him this story and gets David to be sympathetic.  Then he tells David, “You’re the one who did this.”

Often when I hear sermons on this passage, they focus on that first part: on the story and on David, and how Nathan kind of tricked David, and they ask us to sympathize with David.  But what struck me when I read this passage again is that even though this is a story about Bathsheba, the passage never says her name.  The passage says she is the wife of Uriah.  It is not only Bathsheba who is treated as property in this passage, but all of the wives are treated as property.  As punishment for David’s sin, Nathan says that his other wives will be taken before his eyes and given to another and another person shall lie with his wives.

David wrote a Psalm after this story.  Psalm 51:3-5 says,

For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you alone, have I sinned,
    and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are justified in your sentence
    and blameless when you pass judgment.
Indeed, I was born guilty,
    a sinner when my mother conceived me.

In this Psalm, David is saying that he sinned against God alone, but I disagree!  David sinned against Bathsheba and he sinned against Uriah.

I have struggled with the idea of sin.  I came from a denomination that was much more focused on sin than Friends sometimes are, and there was a lot about making everyone feel bad and guilty.  I don’t think that’s necessarily helpful.  But I read a book recently that really helped me rethink sin.  The book is by Serene Jones and it is called Feminist Theory and Christian Theology.  I am going to draw on some of Jones’ ideas on oppression and sin to approach this passage.

Bathsheba lived in a patriarchal system.  She lived in a system that did not recognize her full humanity.  In her book, Jones reminds us that there is a tension between individual and personal sin and collective and institutional sin.  We see David’s individual sins here: murder and rape.  Those are sins that are easy to identify.  But there is also a sin here: both David and Nathan are within this patriarchal system.  Denying Bathsheba’s humanity is a sin and it is contrary to how God wants the world to be.  Jones says that we believe, as Christians, “that the brokenness we experience is not right, that there must be another way for us to live, a way that enables the flourishing of women and of all people.” (93)

So David confesses his sin to God and he is forgiven, but Bathsheba is still hurt.  Bathsheba is powerless, she is marginalized, and she is subject to sexual violence.  These are faces of oppression that we still see in lives of women today.

The Psalm also says, “Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me.”  That, to me, sounds like original sin, which is another thing that I have really struggled with.  And I think especially for many women, sin talk has meant people telling them that they should be ashamed of their bodies and ashamed of their sexuality.

That is a way that this passage is often interpreted.  I read a commentary yesterday saying that Bathsheba was a righteous woman: there is no indication that she was unfaithful to her husband.  That was healing for me to read, but it still kind of said that it was her fault.  The commentary said that she was doing this ritual washing at the wrong time, and that was why David raped her.

I can’t believe that.  I can’t believe that it was her fault.

This book by Jones has been helpful for me because it takes some of the traditional male approaches to theology and she re-maps them from the perspective of women.  A powerful example for me was contrasting how the theologian Calvin saw sin (this is a kind of traditional version of sin) with a woman’s experience.  Calvin described sin as looking into a mirror and seeing oneself, and the sin that one sees is pride.  This is a version of sin that really comes from the perspective of a man with a lot of social power and a loud voice.  But for many women, the sin is not pride.  Women are much more likely to have an incomplete sense of self, and the sin is not being able to see one’s full self.  So Jones suggests instead an image of a mirror that is fragmented.  That we are looking into a mirror and not seeing our complete selves.  That we are looking into a mirror and not seeing the world as it should be, not the way God intends it to be in its wholeness.

Jones also re-maps the idea of original sin in a way that is helpful for me.  She says that we recognize that we are all born into systems of oppression.  I named some of those earlier in oppression of women: women are oppressed by being powerless, by being marginalized, and being the subject of sexual violence.  We are all born into a world where that happens.  It’s not something that we can avoid.  But we have the opportunity to resist these systems of oppression as they come up in our lives.  As people make small comments or we see something that we know is just not right, we can speak up against these systems of oppression.  Or we can perpetuate them.  We are in them, regardless.

The last time we talked about David and Nathan, I asked who we identify with in these passages.  And I ask that again: who do we identify with when we hear this story?  Do we identify with David, the ruler who has lots of power and is recognizing his own individual sin?  Do we identify with Nathan, a prophet who is confronting David and is doing the right thing, but is still complicit in this system of oppression of women?  Do we identify with Bathsheba, the person who has been sinned against but is not named?

When have people sinned against us and then made it all about them?  When have we had to confront people in authority about the ways they have perpetuated systems of oppression?  How do we do this within the relationships that we already have?  
 
Last week in Deborah’s message, we heard the passage in Ephesians 4:1 that begins, “I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called . . .”  How do we walk worthy of our calling?  How do we name uncomfortable truths?  How do we recognize these systems of oppression that we are in?  It’s not just oppression of women, but oppression of people of color, and people with disabilities, and people with diverse sexual orientations.  We may be called to speak out against any one of these, or we may be called to speak out where they intersect.  How do we listen to what our calling is?

As we enter into a time of open worship, I invite everyone to listen for the voice of God.  Listen to how God is calling us in these hard places.

Business Meeting Report (July)

[As part of my internship with First Friends Meeting, I am writing short reports to the monthly meeting for business.  This is my report for the July business meeting.]

I am over halfway through my 10-week internship with First Friends Meeting and I have been having a wonderful time!  Everyone has been so friendly—I feel right at home.  In my first week, I had the opportunity to travel with other Friends to the FUM Stoking the Fire conference in Ohio.  Since then, I have been able to experience many aspects of pastoral ministry, including helping Deborah with three weddings, a memorial, and two baby blessings, along with working in the office, pastoral visits, and other forms of pastoral care.  I have been working on putting people in the First Friends community into Quaker Eights groups, with the hope that these small groups will help foster community and deepen relationships in the meeting.  I enjoyed preaching at Vespers for Friends Homes (West), and I look forward to preaching during First Friends’ programmed worship.  It has also been a joy for me to join the choir.  Thank you all for being so welcoming!  I look forward to getting to know you better as the summer progresses.

Guest Post: Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

[I am spending the summer as the pastoral intern at First Friends Meeting, a church in North Carolina Yearly Meeting (FUM).  On Sunday, June 21, Deborah S offered this message in programmed worship.  She agreed to let me share her message as a guest post here.]


We in the Quaker tradition generally don’t incorporate the outward sacrament of confession and absolution into our worship service.  But sometimes I wish we did.  Because I believe that we who are leaders in our state denomination—North Carolina Yearly Meeting of Friends—we have sin to confess. And it’s the sin of once again dividing up the body of Christ.

If we did offer public confession, my prayer would be this:

Jesus, during that last meal with your friends, you interceded for your disciples and said: “I pray that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.”  (John 17:21)

Jesus prayed that his followers may be one.  Yet, like so many before us in so many different Christian denominations, our state gathering is spiritually divided. We are not one. We who preach peace are fighting among ourselves.

Forgive us, O God.

Jesus, you said, “Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”  (Matthew 12:50)  And yet, in our brokenness we have taken it upon ourselves to judge who is right, who is wrong, who is in, who is out.

Forgive us, O God.

Jesus you said, “This is my commandment, that you Love one another, as I have loved you.  You are my friends if you do what I have commanded.” (John 15:12, 14)

Our very name, The Religious Society of Friends, comes from that same passage, this passage calling us to Love.  And while I think Friends in all of our meetings (churches) want to love one another, we have failed.  And instead, some have questioned other’s integrity and we have had spats over theology.  While I believe differing opinions are fine, in our disagreements in our wider Quaker denominational gatherings, we have often been unkind to one another.  Hurtful words have been uttered. We have not stayed centered in Christ’s love or centered in the Holy Spirit.

Forgive us, O God, I pray.

Amen.

For those of you who are visiting today or are relatively new to First Friends Meeting, I promise that today’s sermon is a one-off. We don’t normally focus on our denominational woes. And let me emphasize that the divisions I am speaking about are not internal to First Friends Meeting. So… please don’t let today’s message scare you away, okay?

Thankfully, we at this meeting are not fighting over theology. We certainly have our own failings and growing edges, but as a local congregation we are not struggling over the issues that are dividing the wider state denomination.  And while I haven’t wanted to preach about this before (there is not a lot of joy in it), I think it’s time to talk plainly from the “pulpit” about these wider concerns that are taking place beyond our local meeting in our wider North Carolina Quaker world.

I, of course, can only speak this morning from my experience and my perspective.  I encourage you to talk with others, ask questions, read the material that we will get out to you soon.  Then please come to our July 12 Monthly Meeting for Business, as we seek to hear God’s voice among us in order that our First Friends representative can then speak clearly on our behalf to the wider Quaker body on August 1.

Many of you have heard rumblings that our state denomination is in trouble. And you have asked, “What the heck is going on? What are we arguing about? What is dividing the sixty plus Quaker meetings (or churches) that we’ve been connected to for over a hundred years?”

Well… it’s complicated.  Of course. But here’s my best understanding on what we are struggling with:

The first issue in our Yearly Meeting is that, among the 60 different churches, we have differing views of Scripture. Many of our beloved siblings in Christ understand scripture to be their primary authority.  First and foremost, their source of spiritual authority is the Bible. While we at First Friends love scripture, we also believe (much as early Friends taught) that the Bible is merely words unless the Holy Spirit brings our reading of scripture to life.

As we read scripture, we seek to understand it through the lens of Jesus who said that the greatest commandment is to love God and love our neighbor. So we try to read and interpret scripture in that spirit.

Which means, for instance, that even though there are parts of the bible that say women should be silent in the church, we affirm that God can speak equally to all people. It means that although war was understood in King David’s day to be God-led and even spirit-inspired, we choose to say war should never be the answer.

And getting to one of the current major dividing points: while Jesus didn’t speak to the issue of same-sex marriage, it is our understanding that scripture, properly interpreted, affirms covenantal relationships. And so yes, we will affirm and marry a same-sex couple that is choosing to make the huge and prayerful commitment that marriage asks of anyone.

(And, since same-sex marriage is a huge topic, if my words surprise you, please feel free to call me and we can talk about it further.)

So, the first point is that people within our state denomination are divided over scripture and its authority.


A second issue is the question: Who is saved? And how are we saved?

Many of our fellow Quakers believe that the only way to God is through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and that it is through the sacrificial blood of Christ that our sins are forgiven and one receives salvation.

Now here at First Friends, we will respond to that question of salvation in a variety of ways. But, in general, we would affirm that it is not ours to judge who is in and who is out. Early Friends preached about the universal saving Light of Christ. About how people who are living out a deep and genuinely loving faith that results in loving their neighbor—those people with such a faith—are encountering the Living Christ even if they don’t know the name of Jesus.

So, there are genuine differences in how we view salvation, and those differences have become a great concern for some in our Yearly Meeting.

In my experience, those are the two main theological concerns.


Of course, the underlying question is: Why can’t we all just live with the differences? Why do we need to agree on our view of Scripture or salvation?  After all, we in NCYM have lived with theological diversity for years … why can’t we continue to do so?

I wish we could. I personally think we could.  I believe First Friends is made richer for being in association with others who think and believe differently. I like the diversity. I need the wideness of thought, prayer, and belief.

However, not everyone in our Yearly Meeting is comfortable with that range of beliefs.  And I respect their reason for wanting to disassociate with us and those who believe differently.  It comes down to what the Apostle Paul called being “unequally yoked.”

The Apostle Paul wrote that we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Many of our beloved Friends feel their association with those who believe differently regarding salvation and the Bible (and same-sex marriage) qualifies as being unequally yoked.  And this is a sincere belief. My more theologically conservative friends are not trying to be mean or judgmental, they are simply stating what they understand to be true and wanting to be faithful to their beliefs.

As one of my friends from the other end of the theological spectrum said to me, “How can we preach Jesus and his sacrifice on the cross as the only way to salvation when you across town teach something else? Our association dilutes the clear message of salvation in Christ.” And again, he said that not with a mean spirit, not even critically, but in care and with sincerity.

For our more theologically conservative Friends, our diversity of belief is a genuine stumbling block. And I get it. So let me emphasize: this is not light versus darkness or good guys versus bad guys, etc.  For the most part, these are our fellow Quakers who like us and even love us, but simply feel like they can not continue to remain yoked with us.

Which brings me back to my first words: May God forgive us. For I believe that somewhere along the way, we all haven’t maintained the relationships that could have seen us through these theological differences.

And so our state denomination is at a standstill. Our body of representatives will gather on August 1 and possibly make a decision to separate in some manner. Or maybe some other GREAT wisdom will arise allowing us to health-fully, authentically remain as one body.  

What I do know is that it is time to stop our theological spats. Because the world needs all of us, conservatives and progressive alike, to do the work of Jesus, who called us to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the orphans, and work for justice.  And friends, I am hopeful because we worship a God who forgives our brokenness, wipes away our sin, and calls us into new life together.

So, let us pray for wisdom. Whether we stay together as a denomination or not, let us prayerfully determine in the wider body to at least love one another.  For they will know we are Christians by our love, by our love.  And they know we are Christians by our love.

Amen.

Gathered Meeting Retreat

I.  Lesson Plan

This is a lesson plan for Atlanta Friends Meeting’s Gathered Meeting Retreat, which will take place on March 27-29, 2015.  My goal for the retreat is to introduce people in the meeting to some of the different ways that Friends worship.  I hope that by talking about different forms of worship and spiritual practices, Friends in the meeting will expand their understanding of worship, have a larger vocabulary for talking about worship and spiritual experiences, and deepen our communal experience of the unprogrammed worship that we practice at Atlanta Friends Meeting.

Friday evening: Introductions (7:00-9:00pm)

·      Introduction: theme, take care of yourself, what we will be doing

·      Opening circle questions (ask people to say their name and stand while speaking):

·      What is one thing that you love about Friends?

·      What is one thing that you brought with you?  One thing you left behind?

·      Why are you here?

·      Names for the divine exercise

·      Introduction to worship sharing (handout)

·      Small groups

·      Introductions

·      Query: How is the Spirit with you?

Saturday morning: Prayer (9:00am-12:00pm)

·      Introduction to prayer – expansive, holding in the Light, go where they haven’t gone

·      Anne Lamott’s prayer: help, thanks, wow

·      “Thanks,” by W. S. Merwin

·      Psalm 16

·      Embodied prayer

·      breathing prayer

·      body prayer

·      doodle prayer (show on a flip chart)

·      mandalas

·      labyrinths/walks

·      prayer postures (holding in the Light) – to your ability

Break

·      Stations of the Lord’s Prayer – a Christ-centered activity (useful, educational, optional!)

·      alternative: mandalas

·      debrief

·      close with singing prayer: Simple Gifts

·      Worships sharing

·      pray together

·      Query:  When you pray, how do you pray?

·      Small groups: pray for each other (be clear about boundaries, participate to your comfort level)

Saturday afternoon: Experiences in Worship (3:00-5:30pm)

Worship

·      Small groups

·      Query: Was there a time when you felt the Spirit moving in worship?

·      Fishbowl

·      People who often speak in meeting: What does it feel like when you give vocal ministry?

·      People who speak less often: How do you experience worship?

·      Conversation for the group

·      What is the strangest thing you or another person has felt led to do during worship?

·      What is vocal ministry?  Where does it come from?

Sunday morning: Worship (9:30am-12:00pm)

·      Semi-programmed worship: singing, gratitudes, petitions

·      Bible reading in the manner of Ohio YM Conservative Friends – introduce, can use other sacred texts

Break

·      Worship

In this retreat, a lot of the activities are focused around queries.  This is a typical Friends practice, but it also reflects my understanding of religious education as not coming primarily from the teacher.  By responding to the queries, the people at the retreat are drawing on their own inner wisdom and bringing responses that are more diverse and profound than I could by lecturing.  Particularly in the section on prayer, I offer many different practices, but I trust that people will choose the practices that are best for them.

The activities in this retreat also reflect my emphasis on the body.  Wherever I can, I have people participate in ways that get them moving and reflecting on their own bodies in worship.  In addition, the majority of the sessions are experiential.  I do not just want people to hear about worship, I want them to experience it themselves.  I hope that in all of this, we will have the experience of God teaching us, directly and through everyone in the room.

II.  Reflection

A joy for me in leading this retreat was how well integrated the children’s program was.  Sometimes in retreats like this, the children’s program can feel like childcare or an afterthought.  I was not responsible for the children’s program, but the woman who was leading the children called me to discuss what I was planning to cover and we talked about how that could be adapted for the children.  For example, both adults and children considered prayer practices on Saturday morning, and the children made a mural entitled “How Do We Pray?” that we later put up in the main room.  The program on Friday night and Sunday morning had intergenerational aspects, and everyone came together for the Variety Show on Saturday night.

The first frustration that I experienced was with the schedule.  I did not have much control over the schedule; the planning committee just told me which blocks of time I had to provide content.  Unfortunately, meals only lasted an hour and the committee scheduled the program to begin exactly when the meals ended (i.e., breakfast was from 8:00 to 9:00 and the morning program was scheduled to begin at 9:00).  This meant that I was rushed trying to get to the room where we were meeting and that everyone else was late.   I spoke with a member of the committee about this and suggested that next year, they schedule at least 15 minutes between the end of meals and program.  

            Another thing that was hard for me was that we had different people in nearly every session.  A few came to everything, but many were unable to arrive until late on Friday, some left early because they were sick, and some were taking this as a real retreat rather than coming to the program.  I expected some of this, and made it explicit that the program elements were optional.  Combined with people arriving late to sessions, however, this made it challenging to know when to start or how many people to expect, and it led to some lack of cohesion in the group.  

My response to both of these issues was to begin with 15 minutes of silent worship.  This worked pretty well.  Our practice in unprogrammed meetings is that the meeting begins when the first person sits in worship, and others enter into that silence.  By being on time myself and sitting in silence, I was able to invite others into worship and signal that we had started the program.

I got some good feedback over the weekend.  One person said that I had done a good job redirecting back to the topic at hand when others tried to change the subject.  There were a few times when people brought up areas that could have derailed the conversation and the program, but I was able to step in and remind Friends to come back to the theme.  Another person commented that she had never seen a retreat leader leave the room the way I did during small group discussions (and other times).  This was intentional: I find that when I am in the room, a lot of the focus is on me, and it is helpful for me to leave when I want participants to talk to each other.

Even though it was a lot of work, I really had a good time leading this retreat.  It was fun for me to share worship practices with my faith community, and it was a different experience to do a retreat for people that I already know.  We got to know each other better, and I know that we will continue to be in relationship with each other.  This also provided an opportunity for me to reflect on how I have grown in ministry and leadership.  I had led almost all of the activities before, but I felt more relaxed and confident than I have in the past, and I think that made it a better experience for everyone.

Quaker Fame

"You might say they are going through fame puberty—the awkward stage." Nick Paumgarten

For the past year, I have been going to Quaker events and hiding.  I wrote about this a little after the FGC Gathering last year (where I actually started carrying around a disguise).  I said then that I was having a hard time with my rising level of "Quaker celebrity." It is something that is still a struggle for me.

Few things will throw me off center at a Quaker event faster than when someone knows who I am and I have no idea who they are.  A Friend will introduce me in conversation and the other person's face will light up.  I feel dread because I know they have read something I have written, or heard me speak, or heard about me some other way.  I never know what to do, and any response on my part feels awkward and ungracious.

I read the quote above in the New Yorker a few days ago and it spoke to my condition.  I feel like I have been going through an extended fame puberty.  Fortunately, I have been able to speak about this with some trusted elders over the past few months, and they have given me some good advice:

1.  I need to find ways to acknowledge that God is working through me when I do ministry.  It is especially awkward for me when people compliment me on a message I have given, because I feel strongly that those messages come from God.  At heart, my ministry is to help people experience the presence of God.  When they experience God through me, it can be a powerful and attractive experience.  It is important for me to be clear that I am the conduit, not the source.

2.  If I keep doing this work, this will keep happening.  I think part of the reason that I respond so poorly is because I act like every time I am recognized, it is the first time or totally unexpected.  I need to stop acting that way and start putting together a toolkit for how to respond when this happens.

3.  I need to find a Quaker space that is restorative for me.  A couple people have encouraged me to find somewhere that I can go not as a minister, but to worship and rest.  This may involve sending a message to the organizers in advance about my needs and how I want to participate.

All of this is complicated by the fact that Friends pretend like we don't have celebrities.  It is very hard to claim a level of fame when Quakers want to believe that we are all equal in every way.  But I think it is important to do so for me to be able to grow out of this "fame puberty," and I am going to claim this:

I am a minor celebrity in a small denomination.

How did it make you feel to read that?  Was it funny?  Did it seem like not a big deal?  Or did it make you want to reassure me that, really, I'm not that famous?

Quakers and Women in Ministry (Video)

In February, I had the opportunity to go to Philadelphia to observe the Friends Journal board meeting for a school project.  While I was there, Jon Watts interviewed me for Friends Journal's new QuakerSpeak project.  We talked about a lot of things, including my recording process, vocal ministry, my home meeting, Freedom Friends Church, and women in ministry.

I feel honored to be featured in this week's QuakerSpeak video about Quakers and women in ministry, along with Marcelle Martin, Carole Spencer, and others.  This video does a great job of explaining Friends' history of women in ministry, as well as talking about some of the ongoing challenges for women in ministry.


I am very excited about the QuakerSpeak project, and I look forward to the ways that QuakerSpeak will share information about Friends today in its weekly videos.  Good work, Friends!

Seeking the Living Water

[The message I gave out of open worship at the Friends World Committee for Consultation Section of the Americas consultation in High Point, NC.] 


At Freedom Friends Church, we always begin with gratitude.  I am grateful to be here with all of you this evening.  I am grateful for safe travels and warm welcomes.  I am grateful for Deborah S, who is eldering for me, and for all of the Friends who are holding me in prayer.  I am grateful for all of you, for the joy and hope and love you bring to this gathering.  I am grateful that God is not finished with us yet.

In Jeremiah 2:13, the prophet Jeremiah speaks the word of the Lord, saying, “My people have committed two sins:  They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and they have dug their own cisterns, cisterns that cannot hold water.”

As I was preparing this message, two images from the natural world came to me.  The first is of dead trees filled with salt in Alaska.

I was born and raised in Alaska, and so was my mother, and so were her parents.  That place is deep in my bones.  There are certain colors and smells and images that I associate with it, and when I see them or smell them, I know that I am home.

One of the most haunting images of my childhood was of these dead trees.  They are a result of the 1964 earthquake.  That earthquake was 9.2 and lasted for four minutes.  My grandparents and my mother thought that it was the end of the world.  They ran outside as their house fell off its foundation.  The destruction was incredible.

In one part of Alaska, the ground sank below sea level, and the trees’ root systems filled with salt water.  Decades later, you could drive by and see these ghost trees, standing exactly as they stood during the earthquake.  It is a haunting image and one that seemed like it would last forever.

This was a natural reaction to a natural disaster.  The water that killed those trees had been living water, but it was no longer life-giving for those trees. 

Sometimes when we encounter God, it feels a little like that: overwhelming.

There is a story in the Bible where Jesus takes three of his disciples up onto a mountain to pray, and while they are there, they have an encounter with the living God.  As Jesus was praying, his face was transformed and his clothes became as bright as a flash of lightening.  (Luke 9:29)

This story is like another story in the Bible, where Moses also went up a mountain to encounter God.  After he did, his face also glowed.  His face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord.  (Exodus 34:29)

But the first time Moses went down from the mountain, he found that the people had built a golden calf and were worshiping it.  (Exodus 32:5-6)

The question that people always ask is, How could the Israelites do that?  They had just had an incredible encounter with the living God; God had just rescued them from slavery in Egypt and performed miracle after miracle.  But I think it is not in spite of that encounter with God that the Israelites built the golden calf, but because of it.

A phrase you often hear Quaker ministers say to each other is, “Watch what you fill up on.”  When we encounter the living God, that experience changes us, inside and out, and others can see it.  We feel different and we look and sound different. 

Afterward, there is a strong impulse to recreate the experience, to fill the hole that was so recently filled by the presence of God.

And, in the story of Jesus on the mountain, this is what Peter wanted to do.  He saw Jesus’ radiant face and the two men with him and said, “Master, it is good for us to be here.  Let us put up three shelters―one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.”  The Bible says that he did not know what he was saying.  (Luke 9:33) 

But Peter knew that he had encountered the living God.  He wanted to mark the experience and hold on to it by making a tabernacle, but the spirit of God had moved on.

I began with Jeremiah 2:13, a passage that has been important to me.  But when I was in North Carolina a couple years ago, a Friend from Ohio Yearly Meeting reminded me of another passage about water.  Proverbs 5:15 instructs us to “drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.”

The context of this verse is faithfulness to one’s spouse, but I think it works for the Religious Society as Friends as well.  We are all here because we have found something, we have encountered the living God, we have found the living water here among Friends.  Where have we found it?  Where have we abandoned it?  Where do we find it now?

Even if we have abandoned the living water or we have set up monuments to the past, there is always hope.  Even those ghost trees that haunted my childhood won’t last forever.  When I was a teenager, an artist began to make salt and pepper shakers out of the trees. 

The second image from the natural world that came to me is of a place that I used to pass by in Salem, Oregon when I would take walks on my lunch break.  It was a place that had been a concrete driveway, but the concrete had been taken away and there was grass growing where it had been.  After a while, you couldn’t even see where the concrete had been, it was just grass.

Concrete seems permanent.  It is heavy and it seems like it will last forever, but it doesn’t.  It is possible for grass to grow where there was once concrete.

Transformation is always possible.

Tearing Down, Building Up

The word of the Lord came to me, saying,

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
    before you were born I set you apart;
    I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

“Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”

But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.  Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord.

Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth.  See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.”

Jeremiah 1:4-10.

 The first time I preached, it was a surprise for everyone, including me.  

For our fourth School of the Spirit residency in the fall of 2010, the teachers put together a panel from the class to talk about "Being Other in Community."  I felt led to be on the panel, so I wrote a proposal saying that I would like to talk about the prophet as other.

After the teacher told me I would be on the panel, I spent the summer trying to write out my message.  First, I wrote about Elijah in the wilderness, telling God he wanted to die.  Then I wrote about the last chapter of Jonah: Even though Jonah's mission had been wildly successful, the story ends with Jonah being angry with God. 

Although both of those Bible passages spoke to me, the message was not coming together.  That was hard for me, because I had planned to write the message out in advance and submit it as my fall reflection paper.  I was also terrified of getting up in front of my class without knowing what I was going to say.

I spent a lot of time during that fall residency in prayer.  I still did not have the message.  Then, finally, during the hour of worship before the panel was scheduled to speak, I knew what I had to do.  It became clear that all I needed was Jeremiah 1:4-10, and that I would be preaching from that passage.

So I did.  I spoke about God calling Jeremiah to be a prophet and my own struggles with others naming the gift of prophecy in me.  I said that it was hard in part because I am young, but also because I am a woman.  I shared how challenging it is for me when I feel led to give messages that tear down and destroy, because I always want to build and to plant.

As I spoke, I knew I was preaching, and it felt right.  Afterward, I was glad that I didn't know in advance, hard as it was, because I only would have doubted myself and my abilities.  And that experience gave me confidence later when I felt led to preach again in programmed worship.

Now, three years later, I am beginning seminary at Candler School of Theology.  When I saw that the theme for orientation was "Tearing Down and Building Up," I laughed.  I knew immediately that it was a reference to the first chapter of Jeremiah.

Like the School of the Spirit, I know that seminary will be a distilling process for me.  In addition to what I will learn about the Bible and Christian history, I will also be learning about myself and what God is calling me to do.  I know that it will be challenging, and there will be days where I doubt myself and God, and wonder why I am here.

But I am also grateful for signs—like this orientation theme—reassuring me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Thoughts on Leadings II

A message I gave at Freedom Friends Church this morning during open worship:

Earlier this week, I had a conversation with a woman who is not a Quaker (she is a member of a UCC church).  She asked me what Friends do when people have leadings that seem to be at odds with each other.  I said that it is like when you are in unprogrammed worship at a large meeting, and two people stand to speak at the same time.  They both may have true leadings from the Spirit to speak in that moment, but they can't both speak at the same time.  One of them has to sit down.

[If you would like to hear a recording of a longer message, the message I gave in programmed worship at Camas Friends Church last Sunday is now available for streaming online and on iTunes.]