Recorded Minister Report for 2014

“But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.”  Jeremiah 29:7.

A lot of my ministry this year has been connected to Candler School of Theology, where I am halfway through the three-year M.Div. program.  I completed my second semester of contextual education working as a chaplain intern at Lee Arrendale State Prison in the spring semester.  It was good and challenging work.  A highlight for me was leading music at a Good Friday service with two of the women in prison. 

I am doing my second year of contextual education in Atlanta Friends Meeting.  I spend eight hours a week focusing on five areas of ministry: administration, liturgy (worship and preaching), mission and outreach, pastoral calling and congregational care, and teaching.  These categories do not always fit exactly in the context of an unprogrammed Friends meeting, but I have been able to find ways to engage with the meeting in each area.  For example, I am on the Ministry and Worship committee, I started a monthly meeting for worship at Candler, and I facilitated a panel on sexuality and Quaker identity.  I have also enjoyed providing pastoral care for some of the youngest Friends in the meeting.

At school, I am serving as the chaplain of Sacred Worth (Candler’s student group for LGBTQ students and allies).  As chaplain, I am on the executive board and I hold office hours and have a confidential email.  I enjoy meeting with people and helping to build this community within Candler.  In the fall semester, I was a discussion leader for Early Church History, which felt like another opportunity to provide pastoral care for seminary students.

As the only Quaker at Candler I find myself representing Friends often.  In the past year, I have taken a number of classes that have helped me discern my direction in ministry and have given me tools for the work ahead, including Nonprofit Leadership and Management, Sexuality in the Bible, and Discernment for a Sustained Life of Ministry.  I especially enjoyed my Preaching in a Secular Age class this past fall, where I was able to give a message out of open worship in the manner of Friends, working with an elder.

I also had the opportunity to travel quite a bit this year.  In February, I spent a long weekend in Philadelphia observing a Friends Journal board meeting.  While I was there, I got to spend time with several Friends and Jon W interviewed me for the QuakerSpeak project (I was featured in the QuakerSpeak video “Quakers and Women in Ministry” and a Friends Journal video on my recording process).  In April, I gave the Friday night message for Friends World Committee for Consultation’s Living Waters Consultation in High Point, NC.  It was a joy to work with Deborah S as my elder and I felt very supported and welcomed by Friends there.

I spent the summer living with my parents in Anchorage, working at a law firm.  It was great to be able to spend time with my family there, especially my nieces and nephew and grandparents.  In June, I visited Washington and Oregon for a few weeks, and was able to see many f/Friends and family.  At the end of the trip, I went to the Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference, where I led a workshop on prayer.  Later in the summer, I visited Friends in Fairbanks and worshiped with Chena Ridge Friends Meeting.  I also worshiped with Anchorage Friends Meeting.  On my way back to Atlanta in August, I visited family in Oakland.  In October, I visited Friends in Nashville and attended North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative) Interim Body Meeting.  Although it was wonderful to see friends and family in all of these places, I was aware that, no matter where I go, I will be far from people I love.

I published an article in the March issue of Friends Journal called “Sending Forth: The Importance of Financial Support in Ministry.”  I have also continued posting on my blog, though most of my writing this year has been for class assignments.

My self-care this year has been good.  I see a spiritual director and a therapist regularly, and I have an anchoring committee through Atlanta Friends Meeting that is currently serving as my site supervisors for contextual education.  Over spring break, I went on a silent retreat at Green Bough House of Prayer.  One of my favorite things this year has been monthly gatherings for Atlanta Beer and Hymns (recently featured on Fox News!).  I have continued spiritual practices of prayer, reading the Bible, and exercise, and added drawing and coloring mandalas.

Looking ahead, I am planning to lead the Atlanta Friends Meeting Gathered Meeting Retreat in March.  I also hope to spend the summer in Greensboro, NC, as an intern with First Friends Meeting.  I am aware that I have been moving a lot and I am often on the edges of various groups, and I am feeling ready to find a place to settle for a while after I finish school.  I am grateful to Friends at Freedom Friends Church and Atlanta Friends Meeting for your support for my ministry, as well as the support and prayers I receive from so many others.

Seeking the Living Water

[The message I gave out of open worship at the Friends World Committee for Consultation Section of the Americas consultation in High Point, NC.] 


At Freedom Friends Church, we always begin with gratitude.  I am grateful to be here with all of you this evening.  I am grateful for safe travels and warm welcomes.  I am grateful for Deborah S, who is eldering for me, and for all of the Friends who are holding me in prayer.  I am grateful for all of you, for the joy and hope and love you bring to this gathering.  I am grateful that God is not finished with us yet.

In Jeremiah 2:13, the prophet Jeremiah speaks the word of the Lord, saying, “My people have committed two sins:  They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and they have dug their own cisterns, cisterns that cannot hold water.”

As I was preparing this message, two images from the natural world came to me.  The first is of dead trees filled with salt in Alaska.

I was born and raised in Alaska, and so was my mother, and so were her parents.  That place is deep in my bones.  There are certain colors and smells and images that I associate with it, and when I see them or smell them, I know that I am home.

One of the most haunting images of my childhood was of these dead trees.  They are a result of the 1964 earthquake.  That earthquake was 9.2 and lasted for four minutes.  My grandparents and my mother thought that it was the end of the world.  They ran outside as their house fell off its foundation.  The destruction was incredible.

In one part of Alaska, the ground sank below sea level, and the trees’ root systems filled with salt water.  Decades later, you could drive by and see these ghost trees, standing exactly as they stood during the earthquake.  It is a haunting image and one that seemed like it would last forever.

This was a natural reaction to a natural disaster.  The water that killed those trees had been living water, but it was no longer life-giving for those trees. 

Sometimes when we encounter God, it feels a little like that: overwhelming.

There is a story in the Bible where Jesus takes three of his disciples up onto a mountain to pray, and while they are there, they have an encounter with the living God.  As Jesus was praying, his face was transformed and his clothes became as bright as a flash of lightening.  (Luke 9:29)

This story is like another story in the Bible, where Moses also went up a mountain to encounter God.  After he did, his face also glowed.  His face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord.  (Exodus 34:29)

But the first time Moses went down from the mountain, he found that the people had built a golden calf and were worshiping it.  (Exodus 32:5-6)

The question that people always ask is, How could the Israelites do that?  They had just had an incredible encounter with the living God; God had just rescued them from slavery in Egypt and performed miracle after miracle.  But I think it is not in spite of that encounter with God that the Israelites built the golden calf, but because of it.

A phrase you often hear Quaker ministers say to each other is, “Watch what you fill up on.”  When we encounter the living God, that experience changes us, inside and out, and others can see it.  We feel different and we look and sound different. 

Afterward, there is a strong impulse to recreate the experience, to fill the hole that was so recently filled by the presence of God.

And, in the story of Jesus on the mountain, this is what Peter wanted to do.  He saw Jesus’ radiant face and the two men with him and said, “Master, it is good for us to be here.  Let us put up three shelters―one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.”  The Bible says that he did not know what he was saying.  (Luke 9:33) 

But Peter knew that he had encountered the living God.  He wanted to mark the experience and hold on to it by making a tabernacle, but the spirit of God had moved on.

I began with Jeremiah 2:13, a passage that has been important to me.  But when I was in North Carolina a couple years ago, a Friend from Ohio Yearly Meeting reminded me of another passage about water.  Proverbs 5:15 instructs us to “drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well.”

The context of this verse is faithfulness to one’s spouse, but I think it works for the Religious Society as Friends as well.  We are all here because we have found something, we have encountered the living God, we have found the living water here among Friends.  Where have we found it?  Where have we abandoned it?  Where do we find it now?

Even if we have abandoned the living water or we have set up monuments to the past, there is always hope.  Even those ghost trees that haunted my childhood won’t last forever.  When I was a teenager, an artist began to make salt and pepper shakers out of the trees. 

The second image from the natural world that came to me is of a place that I used to pass by in Salem, Oregon when I would take walks on my lunch break.  It was a place that had been a concrete driveway, but the concrete had been taken away and there was grass growing where it had been.  After a while, you couldn’t even see where the concrete had been, it was just grass.

Concrete seems permanent.  It is heavy and it seems like it will last forever, but it doesn’t.  It is possible for grass to grow where there was once concrete.

Transformation is always possible.

Clearness Committee Report

After my last post about the cost of traveling ministry, a number of people commented about spiritual support.  I wanted to provide an example of the kind of spiritual support I have received from my meeting, so I asked the members of the clearness committee who met with me before and after my trip to North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative) if I could share the report they sent to FWCC Section of the Americas.  They said that I could.  I am grateful for the support and encouragement these Friends gave me and for the ways they have held me accountable.


September 7, 2012

To: FWCC c/o Friend  Ray T

Dear Friends,
 
It is a joy to be able to report back to you regarding Ashley W, her clearness process, her travel, and the rippling effect of her ministry and work.

Ashley is currently presiding clerk of Freedom Friends Church in Salem, Oregon. She undertook a clearness process to discern a leading to participate in NCYM-Conservative. We sat with Ashley and in listening found the Spirit encouraging of this travel and that she was released to do it with joy.

Ashley reported back to Freedom Friends and to the clearness committee about her experience. Both reports brought new light to the Friends who heard about Ashley’s experiences at NCYM-C. Freedom Friends is considered convergent in many ways, and it encourages our hearts to find that a YEARLY MEETING could also be convergent and diverse in many ways. We learned about some of the tensions that NCYM-C holds in order to be faithful to their Lights.

Ashley’s clearness committee began a discussion about describing the “tools” that Ashley has in her “ministry toolbox”. We will continue this process, with Ashley, and with Freedom Friends. Here are some of the things that the committee said about Ashley’s tools:

“A quiet, yet powerful voice/leader. A conduit for connection between different branches of Quakerism. A mirror that reflects the connections/ similarities. A positive presence for FFC in the wider Quaker world.”  --Judy M.

“Ashley has an amazing ability to bring lightness and gravitas in turns both in and out of meeting for worship. Her knowledge of when to offer each of these gifts is definitely part of her toolbox. Ashley is a great communicator. Just like she is the elbow, I think it would be fair to say she is also a measuring tape and some spackle. She is skilled at assessment, taking the measure of a situation. And she seems to be able to fit herself in the cracks and help repair what should be a solid wall.  When I think of Ashley I think of laughter. Fully appropriate, in-place, holy laughter. When I think of Ashley I think of honesty. Even when it sucks to be honest. When I think of Ashley I think of grounding. The way she seeks to be fully grounded and present is a gift.”  --Susan B.

Here are my perceptions of Ashley’s toolbox for ministry. Ashley is a sensitive and brilliant person.  She is quiet, reserved, and very observant. She has been learning through the years to befriend her sensitivity. Sometimes she experiences powerful feelings that are her own, sometimes they are from the Spirit, and sometimes they are from individuals in her presence. She has been learning discernment and whether to act on the feelings/nudges, or to sit with them. As Ashley has learned, she has also modeled to our meeting. Ashley is serious about her faith and her process. I am inspired by her faith, and her process. Even so, her clearness committee invited her to “lighten up” and have fun at NCYM-C and to rest as she needed. We perceive that she did so, and did also have fun. This too is modeled to our meeting and the wider world of Quakers and people of faith.

At the end of August, I was asked to speak on a panel regarding convergent Quakers held by Western Friend at Corvallis Friends Meeting in Oregon. I asked Ashley to join me as my elder which worked well, as she had wanted to attend also. When we arrived and the convener was speaking with me, I was led to encourage him to ask Ashley to be on the panel as well. He did so, and Ashley also sat on the panel and shared about diversity among NCYM-C Friends. Ashley was poised, well-spoken and seemed to enjoy the opportunity to share, even on such short notice. Ashley took the opportunity and was gracious and joyful in her sharing. She had no way of knowing she would be asked to share, and while it may have taxed her stamina for the weekend, she fully engaged in the opportunity and was well-received.

Ashley continues (as we all do) to learn about her stamina and how best to care for herself. She has learned to be flexible and roll with the unexpected. She is an encouragement and a model for our meeting, and for me. Thank you for your support for Ashley. I believe the things she has learned and is learning from the NCYM-C experience will continue to bear fruit for many months and years to come.

Sincerely,

Alivia B, Pastor, Freedom Friends Church

Report on Visiting NCYM-C

Report on Visiting North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative)

Radical Hospitality: Cherishing the Old, Attending the New

July 12-15, 2012, Greensboro, NC

I visited North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative) annual sessions, which took place July 12-15, 2012.  I arrived in Greensboro the evening of July 10 and spent the night at Jan and Charlie A’s farm.  The next day, Jan and I went to Guilford College to check in for annual sessions and attend worship under the care of yearly meeting Ministry and Oversight and the open meeting of Ministry and Oversight.  The registrar reported that over the course of the annual sessions, 47 members of NCYM-C attended, along with 27 visitors.

Responses to the queries

NCYM-C is structured so that the majority of decisions are made at the monthly meeting level.  For example, each monthly meeting decides whether to record ministers and elders―some do and some do not.  A large part of the business sessions was spent hearing from the monthly meetings.  Representatives read the state of the meeting reports and responses to the queries.  The query responses showed the diversity within the yearly meeting.  I was impressed by the honest responses to the queries and how Friends in NCYM-C can hold a variety of positions but still be within the same yearly meeting.

One of the highlights for me was the Bible study, which took place each day for 45 minutes after breakfast.  The theme was “Radical Hospitality,” and Deborah S did a wonderful job of embodying that theme.  After welcoming everyone, she read the Bible passages for the day twice and asked us to settle into worship.  Then we divided into pairs to reflect on what arose for us in the passages.  Finally, we shared in the full group.  I appreciated Deborah’s instructions to listen for what was new in the passages that were familiar, and her focus on the heart instead of the head.  It was also a lovely way to get to know people in the yearly meeting better as I shared with different partners each day.

Me and Deborah S

I enjoyed reading the part of Anna in Charley B’s play “The Call” again.  It was a lot of fun to do the play with School of the Spirit classmates, and the Friends from NCYM-C who joined us were very enthusiastic.  I am grateful for Charley’s work; her play raises a lot of the issues that come up around young adult Friends traveling in the ministry, but it does so in a non-confrontational way.  The reading generated good conversation about traveling ministry and hospitality.

I had the sense as I went to the yearly meeting that I was just supposed to be available.  That was helpful for me because it allowed me to say no to anything that felt like it would get in the way of being available.  I felt very present in the moment, and glad that I could be free for opportunities for conversation and worship.  I also felt good about my level of self-care.  Although I attended many of the business meetings, I did not feel the need to be present for all of them, and I took naps and other breaks.

Usually when I travel, I am very specific about finding an elder ahead of time.  Even though there were many people at the annual sessions who have served in that role for me before and I think would have been happy to do so again, I didn't ask anyone.  As a Friend there noted, there were a lot of folks there who had my back.

Plain Friends and technology

I had the opportunity to connect with Friends from different branches, both in the annual sessions and otherwise.  It was good to see several friends from North Carolina Yearly Meeting (FUM).  I was amused by how people from both yearly meetings were interested in the “other” Friends―they live in the same state, it seems like it would be easy for them to talk directly to each other instead of talking to me!  (And to be fair, some of them do.)  I was glad to be able to be a bridge between different kinds of Friends.

One of the issues that came up in a variety of ways during annual sessions was how to support ministers and elders.  Ministry and Oversight scheduled a time for recorded ministers and elders to meet for mutual support.  Meetings that do not record ministers are considering other ways to name and support spiritual gifts.  And I had several conversations with people about ways to support ministry spiritually and financially.  I felt very supported while I was there and many people wished me well in my ministry.

I am grateful for the travel grant from FWCC that made this travel in the ministry possible, for NCYM-C’s hospitality and a scholarship to cover my registration, for Freedom Friends Church providing me with love, support, a traveling minute, and a clearness committee, and for all of the Friends who were praying for me and who welcomed me.  Our time together was blessed, and I hope to spend more time with Friends in North Carolina in the future.

Here, Again

The days after getting home from traveling ministry can be a little rough, filled with emotional, spiritual, and physical highs and lows.  I have done this enough times now (and enough times recently!) to know that this too shall pass.  

When I lived in Seattle, my roommate had a magnet on our refrigerator that said, 

"Avoid making irrevocable decisions when tired or hungry." Robert A. Heinlein

Without fail, I am extremely tired and hungry after traveling ministry. So even if the ministry brought up things that I think I should act on, I try not to do so until I feel a little less tired and hungry.  Instead, I eat red meat, get lots of sleep, and try to find my balance.

I got home from North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative) on Sunday night, at what my body was telling me was 2am.  Fortunately, my boss is flexible and I have plenty of sick leave saved up, so I was able to take Monday as a recovery day.  That meant a lot of sleeping, eating, and waiting for my soul to catch up with my body.

I find that I often write lists in my journal while traveling and immediately afterward―half-formed ideas that I want to explore later, or things I don't want to forget but do not have time to work out completely at the time.  Many of these turn into blog posts or articles later, or work their way into my ministry in other ways.

On Monday, I opened my journal to write another list and laughed as a variety of gifts from my time at annual sessions fell out―a postcard, a poem, photos, and a Bible verse.  I felt overwhelmed with gratitude for the gifts I received from Friends while visiting NCYM-C.

These physical gifts seemed to symbolize all the other gifts I received while I was there: hospitality, rides, opportunities for deep worship and enlivening conversation, a good meal, and so much more.  

I am also grateful to Friends World Committee for Consultation for giving me a travel grant that made it possible for me to go in the first place, and to Freedom Friends Church for sending me (again) with love and a traveling minute.

I will be meeting with a clearness committee soon to debrief and I know that I will have much more to say about my time with Friends in North Carolina in my official report and otherwise.  But for now, I just want to say thank you.

Another Way (LGBT)

"And, having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they went home another way."  Matthew 2:12.

The World Conference of Friends took place at Kabarak University, which is a 4-5 hour bus ride from Nairobi.  On the bus ride there, I admit that was tired and over-stimulated, so I put my headphones on and slept for most of the trip.  Fortunately, the person sitting next to me woke me up to see some of the sights, including the Rift Valley and a chapel built by Italians during the second world war.

On the way back to Nairobi after the conference, the driver went a different way, and we got to see several things we had not passed by on the drive in, including a tea plantation and various parts of Nairobi.

Since getting home from the conference, I have spent a lot of time walking.  I don't have the energy to run as much as usual, so I have been walking in the evenings in addition to on my lunch break.  Salem is gorgeous this time of year―everything is in bloom.  I keep meaning to take my camera along with me.

One evening when I was walking in my neighborhood, I felt a nudge to take a different path than I usually do.  I am a creature of habit and tend to stick to the same routes, but I felt like God was telling me to go a slightly different way.  

But then I saw that I would have to pass by a bunch of teenage girls if I took the other path, so I ignored the nudge and continued on my way.  The nudge stayed with me though, so on my way back, I gave in and went on the other path.  Then I saw it: a beautiful, flowering purple tree―one of my favorites―that would have been directly visible from the other path.

It often takes something big, scary, or life-threatening to make us choose to go a different way, but I believe that sometimes God wants us to change just to show us something beautiful.

About 15 months ago, I (fairly quietly) came out as bisexual.  Responses were supportive, skeptical, and chagrined (or some combination).  I am grateful for the people who supported me; it hurt when people I loved told me that I had strayed from God's path.  The skepticism was understandable: I had always identified as straight, sometimes quite adamantly.

[SIDE NOTE: In my defense, when I wrote way back in 2008 that I was "as straight as humanly possible," that was intended as an inside joke for my friend Andrea, because it is something she used to say about me in college.  I knew that she would read the post and she knew that I was attracted to women.  I had no idea at that point that my blog would last so long or that it would reach such a wide audience!]

Since coming out, I have (also fairly quietly) been on a lot of dates with both women and men, which has been pretty fun.  I am still single, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I still have things to learn from being single than my orientation.  I am loved by many and I have lots of relationships that are important to me.  I know that I would not have the same energy to put into those relationships if I were focused on a primary partner.

As I mentioned in my report, there was some controversy at the World Conference when the the epistle by Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns was taken down.  The first time I heard about it was when it was raised in early worship.  My immediate impulse was to leave the room, because I didn't want to deal with other people's emotions around the topic, but I knew that walking out could be misconstrued.  Instead, I sat down on the floor for the rest of worship, trying to stay grounded.

Although the issues came up throughout the day, Friends mostly addressed them in their home groups, which I missed.  But that night, as I was waiting in line for dinner, a Friend asked me if I had a good Bible verse to respond to the passages saying that homosexuality is a sin.

When people ask me this question, my immediate response is no:  Proof-texting doesn't work.  For anyone.  Pulling out another Bible verse to respond to attacks is never going to change anyone's position.

After giving it a little more thought, I said that I only had one verse:

"By their fruits you will know them."  Matthew 7:20.

This is not original to me, but I am not sure where I got it (possibly Liz O?).  The point is that it is only by waiting to see what kind of fruit these relationships bear that we will know whether they are good or not.  The Bible also tells us that

"The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Against such there is no law."  Galatians 5:22-23.

It takes a while, but relationships do bear fruit.  And we can be changed by them; I know this experientially.

• It is because I had friends in high school who were out as gay and lesbian that I came to believe that their love was not a sin.

• It is because I have worshiped and worked with transgender people that I understand a little better the struggles that they face.

• It is because I had brave examples of how to live faithfully as a bisexual that I was able to be honest about my own sexuality.

But this is not a one-way street.

• It is also because I have relationships with people who honestly believe that homosexuality is a sin that I know those people are doing their best to live Godly lives.

We can change.  I have seen it.  It takes relationships and love and time.  

And then, suddenly, you see people who formerly voted for an exclusive definition of marriage at Williams-Sonoma, buying something off the registry for their friend's daughter's lesbian wedding.  Not because they have changed what they believe, but because they love their friend and her daughter, and they want to celebrate with them.

Maintaining a position is easy; relationships are hard.  But that is the work.  And I have faith that we can all go home another way.

FWCC World Conference Report

Report on the FWCC World Conference of Friends
April 17-25, 2012, Kabarak University, Kenya
Being Salt and Light: Friends living the Kingdom of God in a broken world
www.saltandlight2012.org

“You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill cannot be hidden.”  Matthew 5:14.

Pastor Judith bringing the message

 I arrived in Kenya on April 12 and spent my first five days there on a pre-conference tour of Nairobi with Friends from several countries.  As part of the tour, we visited a number of Friends churches in Nairobi Yearly Meeting.  The Kenyan Friends we met were overwhelmingly kind, welcoming, and hospitable.  A highlight for me was meeting Pastor Judith and visiting her meeting, Nairobi West Friends Church.  After their energetic, programmed worship, Pastor Judith invited me into her home, and the Friends there would not let us leave until after we had enjoyed soda and peanuts.  Another highlight was seeing the animals (and getting stuck in the mud) in Nairobi National Park.  The members of my tour bonded by singing songs about salt and light in English and Swahili as we waited for the park ranger to come pull us out of the mud with his tractor.  I am grateful for the patience and grace of George O (Nairobi YM), our tour guide, and our driver, Joseph.  On the last night before we left for the conference, most of the people on my tour met for worship, which ended up being some of the sweetest worship I experienced while I was traveling.

The FWCC World Conference took place April 17-25, with nearly 850 Friends who gathered from meetings and churches in 51 countries.  I did quite a bit of ministry while I was at the World Conference, which fell loosely into three categories: leading the convergent Friends thread group, eldering, and giving messages in meeting for worship. 

Convergent Friends thread group, day 3

The thread groups took place for an hour and a half during the afternoon of the first three full days of the conference.  There were about 30-40 people who attended my convergent Friends thread group each day.  On the first day, we spent most of the time on introductions, then had a short semi-programmed worship in the style of Freedom Friends.  On the second day, we had more conversation, listing dozens of words we use to describe the divine on the board and talking as a group and in partners about the language we use for God and our experiences of different kinds of Friends.  We closed with worship sharing about how we had seen God at work that day.  On the third day, we focused on prayer, including Wess D’s stations of the Lord’s Prayer activity, which was quite popular.  My hope for the thread group was that we would feel the presence of the living God among us, and I think that we did. 

For much of the conference, I felt clear about why I was there and what I was supposed to do.  As a result, I felt released from doing anything on the schedule that I did not feel directly led to do.  I have a tendency to do too much at this type of gathering, and that feeling of being released served me well and helped me to avoid some of the drama that others encountered at the conference.  For example, many of the Young Adult Friends (YAF) felt hurt by the fact that they could not reach unity on an epistle.  Although I did not feel led to attend the YAF meetings, I was later able to serve as an elder at a meeting for healing that some of the YAFs organized.  Similarly, I did not feel led to go to my home group after the first day, and instead took that time for rest and prayer.  Later in the conference, there was some controversy about the epistle by Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns being taken down, but it was primarily addressed in the home groups, so I did not have much to do with that.

Overall, I was surprised by the amount of eldering I did at the conference.  I did not go intending to elder, but opportunities arose while I was there, both formally―sitting on the facing bench during the worship organized by the Section of the Americas (English speaking), being invited to hold the meeting of the Section of the Americas in prayer, and in the YAF meeting for healing―and informally, in sitting with Friends in worship and in conversation.  As I have said in the past, I feel like I am about 75% minister and 25% elder, and the balance at the conference felt good to me. 

I felt led to stand and give messages in meeting for worship several times over the course of the conference.  Although this felt easier than it sometimes has in the past, it is still a hard thing for me.  Some of the messages felt strong, prophetic, and challenging (for me as much as anyone else!), but I also was blessed with opportunities to give joy-filled messages.  I felt on the whole that I was faithful with what I was given, and this is still an area where I am growing.

Me and Lucy

Throughout my time in Kenya, I felt like God was teaching me a lesson about support, abundant support.  This was grounded in the support I received from f/Friends and family before I left and personified while I was there in Lucy F (North Pacific YM), who served as my elder.  Lucy appeared the first night I arrived, before we went on different pre-conference tours, and gave me a much-needed hug after 30 hours of travel.  In a conference of 850 people, I found Lucy just about any time I thought of her, which felt like a miracle.  Lucy was an ideal elder for me there: after serving on my support committee for two years, she knows how I am when I do ministry, and she could make me laugh. 

 An experience I had in the dining hall at Kabarak provided a concrete illustration of the kind of spiritual support I received during the conference.  It is a pattern of mine that I have a hard time eating and getting enough sleep when I do spiritual work for any extended period of time, and the travel and malaria medication I was taking exacerbated those tendencies.  In addition, the dining hall was crowded, noisy, and the tables were in constant rotation, with up to a dozen introductions within a single meal.  There was plenty of food, but it was high in starch and meat, which is very different from what I usually eat.  The vegetarian options were better, but the line was always long and I felt guilty eating there because I had not registered as a vegetarian.  In general, I felt overwhelmed by the dining hall and I dreaded going to meals.

The dining hall

 One night, I went to the dining hall in a hurry.  I had something to do right after the meal, so I didn’t have time to wait in the vegetarian line.  When I got up to where the food was being served, I could not face eating the meat, so I asked the server to give me rice and just put some of the gravy from the meat on the rice.  He said, “Oh, do you want beans?” and quickly disappeared with my plate.  A minute later, he returned with beans on my rice!  I thanked him and continued down the line to pick up utensils.  Before I could get them, a Kenyan Friend I didn’t recognize said, “Oh, Ashley, you need utensils!” and put them on my plate.

In the same way, I felt like spiritual support appeared without me even having to ask.  An example of this support occurred on the afternoon after my last thread group session.  I gave the thread group everything I had, and I felt extremely tired and vulnerable when it was over.  As Lucy and I left the classroom where the thread group took place, we ran into Sharon F (Philadelphia YM).  Sharon said she had been thinking of me and asked where I was going.  I told her I was on my way to pastoral care with my elder.  She said, “good,” and continued on her way.  After Lucy and I debriefed at pastoral care for a while, it was clear that they needed to close the room.  I stepped outside to get some water and ran into my roommate, Alex Z (Southern Appalachian YM).  She said, “I was just thinking of you!” and asked how I was doing.  She then proceeded to escort me back to our dorm room and helped ground me for the work ahead.

Friends gathered in the auditorium for worship

It would be impossible to name all of the other people who supported me throughout the conference, but I would like to express my gratitude for a few more people in particular:
·    Kristin O-K (North Carolina YM Conservative), Carrie H (Northwest YM), and Joe S (North Pacific YM) for their prayers and help with the thread group
·    Emily S (North Carolina YM Conservative) and Charley and Lynn B (Alaska Friends Conference) for providing a hedge of protection around me the morning after my thread group was over
·    Colin S (Indiana YM) for lending me his cell phone so I could call my Mom on her birthday
·    Aimee M (Northern YM/Northwest YM) for sitting with me two times as I struggled with difficult ministry in meeting for worship and for her pastoral care
·    And all the people (some of whose names I don’t even know!) who prayed for me, sat with me, gave me hugs, encouraged me, and fed me

This report feels like a beginning to sharing my experiences at the World Conference.  In exchange for covering my conference registration fees, I plan to write two articles for Friends Journal: a shorter piece on my experiences visiting Friends in Nairobi Yearly Meeting and a longer piece on my experience of doing ministry at the World Conference.  In addition, I am sure I will have lots of other stories and experiences that arise over the coming days, weeks, and months.

I want to end by expressing my gratitude: to Freedom Friends Church for sending me with love and a traveling minute, to the PYM International Outreach Granting Group for its grant, and to all of my f/Friends and family, near and far, who sent prayers, financial support, and love, and who made this trip possible.  Thank you.

Ashley Wilcox
May 6, 2012

A view from my room at Milele Guest House

Prophecy

"Do not quench the Spirit.  Do not treat prophecies with contempt, but test them all and hold on to what is good . . ."  I Thessalonians 5:19-21.

One of my spiritual gifts is prophecy. 

I have said that sentence so many times, I forget sometimes that it might sound strange to others.  Regardless, it is true.  I have had that gift affirmed by Friends many times, in earnest and teasingly (friends who know me well like to say things like, “And then Ashley said, in her prophetic way . . .” or “How did you know that I needed that?  You must be a prophet!”).

Of course, when I say it for the first time to someone new, that inevitably leads to a discussion of what prophecy means.  My personal definition of prophesying is:  Telling the truth, all the time.  Thomas Merton has a much fancier definition:

To prophesy is not to predict, but to seize upon reality in its moment of highest expectation and tension toward the new.  This tension is discovered not in hypnotic elation, but in the light of everyday experience.

(Borrowed from Jan Hoffman and Kenneth Sutton’s piece in Walk Worthy of Your Calling, p. 153.)

Merton's definition also works for me―I tend to see things both as they are and as they might be, which can be quite painful at times.  Perhaps a more palatable way to say it is that I am intuitive and empathetic, with a gift for speaking to the present moment.

One thing I have learned is that prophets are mirrors, not problem-solvers.  The prophet's job is to deliver the message; it is up to the people listening to decide what to do with it.  In practical terms, that means I usually don't have answers when people ask me, "What are you going to do to fix this problem you have named?"

I am not alone.

Far from it.  There are many others like me―what an older Friend recently referred to as my "litter."  Young adult Friends with strong, prophetic voices, doing powerful ministry in spite of the odds.

We recognize each other, sometimes without ever having met.  The forms of our ministry vary, but we see the same call in each other.  We stay in touch over long distances, through email and social media.  When there are opportunities for us to meet in person, either individually or in groups, the energy is amazing.  But those opportunities are often few and far between.

There is a high level of burnout in this group, for a variety of reasons.  The work is hard.  Although a few of us have found ways to support themselves through ministry, most have other jobs in addition to doing this work.  Some of us have spiritual support from our meetings, others do not.  We feel the pressure of representing our generation, that there is little room for error. 

And sometimes it feels like we are yelling but no one has ears to hear . . . or they listen only long enough to shut us down.

After burning out, some leave Friends altogether.  But others of us stay, because this is our home.

 I recently had the opportunity to gather with some of these ministers at the World Conference of Friends.  I have connected with others since returning home.  My interactions with these Friends were enlivening and challenging, and gave me fresh energy for the work ahead.  

I know that we can't stay at these gatherings forever, that our work is also to go back out in the world.  But it also feels wrong for us to go back to our individual struggles to make ends meet, each of us trying to figure out how to do this ministry on our own.

I am left with the question:  What would the Religious Society of Friends look like if this rising group of ministers had the support, nurture, and accountability to thrive?

FWCC World Conference: Update and Thank You

Dear Friends and Family,

After nearly two years of preparation, I will be leaving on Wednesday for Kenya to attend the FWCC World Conference of Friends.  I wanted to write you all again before I go to let you know a little more about what I will be doing there and to say thank you for your support. 

When I first wrote asking for support, my fundraising goal was $1,500.  Since then, thanks to all of you, I have raised $1,450.  Thank you to everyone who sent cards, notes, and emails, as well as checks, and thank you to all of you who have kept me in your prayers.  I am also grateful to Friends Journal for paying for my conference registration, to my Mom, who gave me thousands of frequent flyer miles, and to Freedom Friends Church, for sending me with love and a traveling minute.

On Wednesday morning, I will be flying first to Boston, where I am planning to have dinner with Bruce, a School of the Spirit classmate.  Then, I will fly to London and Nairobi, arriving on Thursday night.  For the first five days, I will be on a tour of Nairobi.  On April 17, I will travel to Kabarak for the World Conference of Friends.  The full schedule for the conference is on the website.  I will be traveling back on April 25-26, arriving in Portland the night of April 26.

I am not planning to post on my blog while I am traveling, but I hope to send some updates to Friends Journal.  If you would like more information about the conference in general, there are several ways to follow along.  The conference website will be posting photos and speeches from the conference each day. On Facebook, "like" the conference page to get updates.  On Twitter, follow @Kabarak2012 for official conference info and @FWCCAmericas for staff updates; the hashtag for the conference is #FWCC2012.

Thank you again for your prayers and support.  This trip would not be possible without all of you.

With love,
Ashley

Traveling Minute

April 1, 2012

Dear Friends at Kabarak University, Kenya, Africa, and everywhere:

This letter is an introduction to and a travelling minute for Ashley W. She is a member in good standing of Freedom Friends Church, and is also our presiding clerk. Ashley is a beloved member of our community and we commend her to your good and gracious care.

Ashley will be travelling to and from Kabarak University, near Nakuru, Kenya, Africa, in April of 2012. She will represent Freedom Friends Church at the FWCC World Conference of Friends 17-25 April 2012. She will be doing visitation and various ministry activities while there. Prior to the conference she will also be touring in other parts of Kenya. Please greet her with love, care and share with her how God is with you.

If Ashley needs assistance, please assist her as if she were one of your own family or community. She is dear to us and we look forward to her safe return to us. She will bring us word of how God’s good work is flourishing among you, about how you love one another and serve each other in the light of God. We are praying for you, and look forward to hearing news of you.

Thank you, and may the God of all Creation bless and encourage you through Ashley and through each other.

Alivia B, Pastor

Freedom Friends Church

One Thread

I am leaving for Kenya in two weeks.  Between getting vaccinations for exotic tropical diseases and finding a travel alarm clock, I have been preparing for the thread group I will be leading at the World Conference of Friends.

The thread groups are three-day afternoon workshops near the beginning of the conference that explore the theme at greater depth.  My thread group is part of the sub-theme "Salt and Light" and it is called "Convergent Friends: worship and conversation."

Preparing for this thread group has been a little daunting.  Although I have led workshops in the past, it has always been as a co-leader.  This is my first workshop as a leader instead of co-leading.

Fortunately, I am not alone.  I have the wonderful support of my elder, Lucy F.  Even though we are in different cities, Lucy has been providing good counsel and grounding this ministry.  I am looking forward to being able to work together in person!

I have also been thinking about what it means to be a convergent Friend.  In a recent Friends Journal article, Robin M defined convergent Friends as:

Friends who are seeking a deeper understanding of our Quaker heritage and a more authentic life in the kingdom of God on Earth, radically inclusive of all who seek to live this life.

 In my description of the thread group, I said,

The term “convergent Friends” describes a movement of Quakers coming together across the branches of Friends to try to discover the best of our tradition.

Earlier this week, I was reminded that the convergent Friends movement looks different depending on where you are coming from.

On Sunday evening, Sarah H and I drove up to Camas Friends Church for Convergent Friends Worship.  Camas Friends has been hosting a convergent worship once a month, inviting Friends from the meetings and churches in the surrounding area to come together to worship.

When we arrived, Friends were greeting each other and having coffee and tea.  We saw several people we know from different meetings.  After greeting each other, we settled into worship, which began with a time for Bible reading as led, then open worship, and ended with responses to a query.

For Friends from unprogrammed meetings, the time dedicated to Bible reading would be a change from their usual practice.  Friends from programmed meetings might not be used the amount of time spent in unprogrammed worship.  And at Freedom Friends, we don't often spend time responding to queries.  So for all of the Friends gathered there, parts of the worship were familiar and parts were new or different from their usual practices.

One of my hopes for the thread group is that it will be like that worship—that some parts will feel familiar and other parts will be new or challenging.  I think it helps if the parts that are new for some are familiar for others, so that those who are more comfortable can help ground those who are experiencing something for the first time.

But, most of all, I pray that in our worship and conversation, we will feel the presence of the living God among us.

A Fresh Word

"See, I am doing a new thing!
   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
   and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43:19

Earlier this week, I read a blog post by Johan M.  The whole post was good, but one part jumped out at me.  Johan asked, 

"Are there Friends who actually have a direct message on their hearts for our new audience? Perhaps we're not limited to translating existing texts, but will be hearing from someone with a fresh word."

In particular, it was the last part, the part about a fresh word.  I had heard that phrase before, but in reading it there, it had new life.  I wrote it down and I have it on my desk at work where I can see it.

Recently, I have been feeling a heaviness around the Religious Society of Friends, mostly having to do with money and maintaining institutions.  I feel like we need a fresh word.  So that is my prayer for myself and for Friends.

I shared that prayer during our time for petitions at Freedom Friends Church this morning.  Later, during open worship, I gave the following message:

The last time I was at a gathering for Friends World Committee for Consultation was almost exactly three years ago.  It was in March, 2009, in Canby, Oregon―not very far from here.  During that gathering, God gave me a message to give to the group, but I did not give it.  Afterward, I felt awful.  I knew that I had been unfaithful, and I thought I was going to be sick.

When I first started feeling led to go to the World Conference in Kenya, I didn't want to go.  I fought with God, as I often do.  And I wondered if God was making me go to Kenya because I did not share the message I was given at the last gathering―if, because I didn't give the message nearby, I would have to go halfway around the world to give it.

Now my trip to Kenya is soon, and I'm not angry anymore.  I am excited about it.

The message that I didn't give was very short:  You have everything you need.  It would have been so easy to give that message―you have everything you need. 

Since not giving the message, I have noticed that it has stayed with me.  A lot of things have happened in the past few years.  At times, I have been unemployed, or I haven't known where I was going to live, or I have had very little money in my bank account.  But I have always had everything I needed.

I do not know whether this is the message that I am supposed to give at the World Conference, but I do believe that there is a reason that I am going.  And I am grateful for all of you for holding me when I go.

After meeting, a weighty Friend said that my message sounded like experiences he had read in journals of 18th and 19th century Friends who, early in their ministry, felt led to give a message, but did not for one reason or another.  He reminded me that those Friends were later called on to speak.  I am sure that I will be as well.

When I got home, I posted on facebook that I was praying for a fresh word.  Almost immediately, Brian, a friend of mine from high school, suggested "callipygian."  (Go ahead, look it up.  I'll wait.)  While I doubt that "callipygian" is the fresh world I will be bringing to Kenya, the comment is another reason I am grateful to be part of a larger community―other people remind me to keep a sense of humor!

Request for Support II

Dear Friends,

It is hard for me to believe that in less than three months, I will be in Kenya for the FWCC World Conference!  I am writing to say thank you to everyone who responded to my earlier request for support.  It was wonderful to receive your emails and cards, and I am grateful for your financial support, your prayers, and your suggestions for scholarships.

Thanks to your individual contributions and a grant from the PYM International Outreach Granting Group, I have raised nearly $700 to help with my travel costs.  As you know, my original goal was $1,500, and I am still hoping to raise an additional $800.  If you feel led to help support me financially, please email me at ashleymwilcox AT gmail DOT com.

As the the conference gets closer, I would also appreciate your continued prayers.

In particular, I have learned that I will be leading a thread group at the the conference―a three-day workshop for 1.5 hours in the afternoon providing an opportunity for Friends to go deeper into their exploration of the theme: "Being Salt and Light: Friends living the Kingdom of God in a Broken World."  My thread group will be called "Convergent Friends: Worship and Conversation," and I have written the following description for the World Conference program:

Where is the life in the Religious Society of Friends?  How does truth prosper among us?  How can we engage one another across our differences?  The term “Convergent Friends” describes a movement of Quakers coming together across the branches of Friends to try to discover the best of our tradition.  In this thread group, we will explore different kinds of worship and share how God is at work in our lives.  Come prepared to speak from your own experience, to listen deeply, and to be changed by the Spirit present among us.

I am very grateful that Lucy F has agreed to be my elder for this workshop, and I ask for your prayers as we prepare to bring this ministry together.

Thank you again for your prayers and support.  I feel blessed to have all of you supporting me as I continue to prepare to travel.

With love,
Ashley