Report on the FGC Gathering
June 30 – July 6, 2013, Greeley, Colorado
At the Growing Edges of our Faith
“The boundary
lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a
delightful inheritance.” Psalm 16:6.
I did a variety of ministry while at the FGC Gathering, but
my primary focus was on the workshop I led, “Convergent Friends: Worship
and Conversation.” This workshop took
place over five days, meeting each day from 9:00 to 11:45 a.m. Considering the context, the participants were
quite diverse. Twelve Friends
registered in advance; another joined partway through and two were drawn away
after the first few days by outside circumstances. The Friends ranged in age from 18 to 92. Most were from liberal, unprogrammed
meetings, but one was from an Evangelical meeting in Bolivia and another was
from a Conservative yearly meeting. The
participants were pretty evenly split between men and women, and we had varied
levels of physical ability.
One of the gifts of doing this ministry was working with
Aimee McAdams. Aimee had eldered
for me a few times at the World Conference of Friends last year, but this was
her first experience traveling in the ministry as an elder. It was a joy to see her growing in her
gifts. Each morning before the
workshop, Aimee and I spent time in worship together. That helped us connect with each other and be grounded for our
work. It became clear early on that we
perceive the world in very different ways, which required us to be clear in
communicating what we saw and felt. We
naturally split the work in the workshop, often with me paying attention to the
group as a whole and Aimee tending to individuals who needed a little extra
attention. There was a high level of
trust between us, in part based on the fact that we have a similar
understanding of how God is present and at work in the world. Working with Aimee was a pleasure, and I
hope to have the opportunity to work together again.
Leading the workshop was a growing experience for
me. Overall, I feel very good about it,
but there were unexpected challenges.
Going in, I was a little nervous about the length; I had never led a
week-long workshop before. However, I
felt pretty confident about the content.
With very few exceptions, I had successfully led all of the exercises in
workshops in the past. One thing I
remembered as the week progressed is that every group is different―just because
one activity was popular or meaningful in the past does not mean it will have
the same impact this time. Likewise,
some things that had not been as meaningful in previous workshops took on new
life. This helped me learn to stay
flexible and temper my expectations. I
heard feedback throughout the week that Friends found the workshop “gently
challenging.” I encouraged participants
to stay with things that were uncomfortable, but to stop if something felt
wrong.
There were two main challenges that arose for Aimee
and me as leaders. The first was that
we had a newcomer on the third day. I
had specifically asked the conference organizers not to allow anyone to take my
workshop part-time, but I think this person changed workshops at the last
possible moment on Tuesday. The person
was a fine addition to the group, but it was challenging for me because having
a new person at that point changed the group dynamics and the new person did
not know what we had done the previous two days.
The second challenge also involved an individual in the
workshop. I tried to be clear about my
plans and expectations for the workshop, both in my written description of the
workshop and in a schedule that was posted on the board all week. I was intentional about the flow of the
workshop, with more content and full-group activities in the beginning and more
spaciousness and small-group activities as we got closer to the end. I also decided to have Friends meet in the
same small groups for the entire week.
In my experience, I have found that meeting in the same small group
builds a level of trust and sharing that does not occur when the groups change
each time.
The participant that I found challenging first approached me
after the second day of the workshop.
He said that he had a lot of experience leading workshops and suggested
that, instead of meeting in the same small groups, we change them. He also informed me that his meeting was
involved in the recent Indiana Yearly Meeting split, and offered to share those
experiences with the group. In
retrospect, I should have said that the workshop was not the place for that
discussion, but instead I just said that I would wait and see if there would be
time for it.
About halfway through the final day of the workshop, we
reached an impasse. The group had
finished one activity and I was about to introduce the next one, when the
Friend said that he wanted to speak. I
tried to engage him individually, but it was clear that he wanted everyone to
hear. He then said that he had thought
we were going to talk about the Indiana Yearly Meeting split, and he felt like
we should take the time to do that.
Another Friend said he wanted to talk about some of the other large
issues Friends face today, and a third said she wanted to talk about the issues
the plenary speaker had raised the previous evening.
This was a hard moment for me because I knew that, no matter
what I did, some people would be disappointed.
I listened to the Friends’ concerns, but Aimee and I were both very
clear that we needed to follow the plan we had discerned in advance. I suggested that, if Friends felt the
workshop had not met their expectations, they share that in the written
evaluations. I can’t say for sure, of
course, but my sense was that there was something about me or my leadership
style that seemed particularly challenging to the individual who approached me.
I am happy to say that, during my time at the FGC Gathering,
my self-care was the best it has ever been. As is often the case when I do traveling ministry, I had trouble
eating and sleeping. It was a gift for
me, however, to have so many people present who know me extremely well,
including my former housemate, people from my School of the Spirit K-group, and
members of my School of the Spirit care committee. They were able to gently reflect back when I was acting tired or
giddy. I did yoga every morning, took
breaks when I needed them, and went to the healing center twice for energy
work.
One thing I was very aware of and had a hard time with was my
rising level of "Quaker celebrity." It felt like a lot of people knew who I was, either because they
had read something I had written or heard about me some other way. I felt like a lot of them wanted something
from me, and I struggled with that feeling of fame and others'
expectations. It got to the point where
I was carrying around a disguise (a hat and sunglasses), so I could escape when
I felt like I needed to. I have the
sense that this will be an ongoing challenge for me.
Since returning home, I have tried to be very
intentional and transparent about my process.
I was grateful that the gathering ended on Saturday, so I could take
Sunday for re-entry. I spent the
morning in worship, creating a Venn diagram of my experience of the Gathering:
preparation, what I thought I would do, what I did, and what I see coming out
of it. I have also written blog posts
reflecting on re-entry and some of the themes I saw emerging at the Gathering,
including privilege and vocal ministry.
I am grateful to all of the individuals and groups who made
this ministry possible financially:
The Pickett Endowment, for its grant (and Lloyd Lee Wilson for
nominating me); Friends General Conference, for the workgrant and travel grant;
and Freedom Friends Church, for its scholarship. I am also grateful to Freedom Friends Church for its spiritual
support and traveling minute. Thanks to
everyone who was praying for me and who helped me to process my experiences
both during and after the FGC Gathering.
And thanks, most of all, to God, for being with me every step of the
way.
Ashley Wilcox
July 14, 2013
