Small Church/Many Hats

Freedom Friends Church is like any small church in that there are a few people who wear many hats.  As clerk of the meeting, I am aware of that, and I have made it one of my stated goals to try to make room for more leadership in the church.  But sometimes I end up wearing a lot of those hats myself.

Our pastor, Peggy, and her spouse, Alivia, who regularly leads music, are taking a well-deserved vacation.  A few months ago, I offered to lead our semi-programmed worship while they were away.  I enjoy leading worship from time to time, both at Freedom Friends and other places, so I was happy to volunteer. 

I didn't realize at the time that one of the Sundays would coincide with the wedding of our treasurer's daughter.  Understandably, she had other obligations that day, and asked me to pick up any offerings people gave.  So this past Sunday, I went to church as clerk/musician/pastor/treasurer.

I am happy to say that all went well.  We had nine Friends in attendance—a pretty good size, considering the number of regulars who were otherwise occupied.  We sang a few songs, shared our gratitudes and petitions, and had a gathered time of open worship with some lovely vocal ministry.  Afterward, we talked for a while, and I remembered to pick up the offerings before locking up the building.

Next week, I will be clerking Ministry and Oversight after meeting, so I have asked Sarah H to lead worship.  I am glad that she is willing to do so, and that our worship is structured so that just about anyone in our community can lead it.  And I will be very grateful when everyone gets back!

Contemplation and Action

"Now you are the body of Christ and each one of you is a part of it."  I Corinthians 12:27.

The theme for North Pacific Yearly Meeting's annual session this year was "Being Practically Spiritual: The Integration of Inward Life and Outward Action."  I did not attend, but I have many friends who did.  I also got to hear how the annual session went through the posts on Western Friend.

One friend wrote me a lovely, detailed letter about his experiences at yearly meeting.  Something he wrote really stood out to me:  He said that the queries for worship sharing were designed to move outward from inward contemplation to action in the community and, in reading the queries in advance, only the first day's queries spoke to him.

That comment made me think about the ways Friends talk about action and contemplation, and how I think we set them up as a false dichotomy.

What I sometimes hear Friends say is that one needs contemplation to ground action, giving the example of a political activist going out and burning up, then needing to return to time with God before being able to do more of that work.  

The problem is, I think Friends may be confusing contemplation with rest and self-care.  In my experience, contemplation is not a restful experience.  Although the effort may not be as visible to the outside world, prayer is hard work, and it is not easy to be open and vulnerable to God.

I also think that Friends at times say "action" as shorthand for "political activism," which is a much too narrow definition.  I have friends who feel called to political activism, and I am grateful for their work in, with, and against political organizations, but I also know that not everyone is called to that work, and that it is not the only work.

Thomas Kelly talks about the work of prayer in his chapter on "The Blessed Community" in A Testament of Devotion.  He says in part,

"Within the wider Fellowship emerges the special circle of a few on whom, for each of us, a particular emphasis of nearness has fallen.  These are our special gift and task.  These we 'carry' by inner, wordless prayer.  By an interior act and attitude we lift them repeatedly before the throne and hold them there in power.  This is work, real labor of the soul.  It takes energy but is done in joy."  Pp. 58-59.

A few weeks ago, I gave vocal ministry at Freedom Friends Church.  The message was short.  I said that the metaphor of the body of Christ had been important for me in a lot of ways and had come up frequently.  That day, its meaning for me was that we don't all have to do everything.

So, I do believe that contemplation grounds outward action—in a community.  We need those who go out and do public works and we need those who hold the center and ground the community in prayer.  I think that the idea that we all need to balance contemplation and action in our own lives is one of the ways that the individualism of our culture has crept into the Religious Society of Friends.

My hope for Friends is that we will truly see ourselves as the body of Christ and be able to recognize how each person's calling is a part of that whole.  "For," as Thomas Kelly goes on to say, "these bonds of divine love and 'carrying' are the stuff of the Kingdom of God."

Report on the School of the Spirit

[This is a report that I sent to the Lyman Fund and the NPYM Youth Opportunity Fund, two Quaker groups that gave me grants to attend the School of the Spirit's program On Being a Spiritual Nurturer.]

Two years ago, I began the School of the Spirit’s program On Being a Spiritual Nurturer.  I had no idea what to expect.  As I often do, I jumped in with both feet, and I am so glad that I did.  Doing this program is one of the best decisions I have made in my life.

My Spiritual Nurturer class met for eight residencies at the Avila Retreat Center in Durham, North Carolina.  I had never been to North Carolina before the first residency, and I found it lovely and foreign.  The climate, plants, and wildlife are very different from those in the Pacific Northwest.  I enjoyed the warm weather in the fall and spring, was surprised by the snow at one residency, and saw fireflies for the first time. 

When I told others that I was going to school, their first thought was often of reading and writing.  There was a lot of that, but the heart of the program for me was my class.  We shared deeply, and truly became a blessed community over the course of our two years together.  I am especially grateful for my small “koinonia” group―nine women who laughed and cried together as we shared our stories, our spiritual journeys, and a lot of really good chocolate.  Traveling to the residencies provided opportunities for me to get to know my classmates better, by staying with them in their homes and spending hours in conversation on the road.

The days at the residencies followed a contemplative rhythm:  the mornings began with individual spiritual practices before breakfast, then an hour of corporate worship, followed by class, Bible readings at lunch, free time, and time for our small groups.  Our worship as a community was deep and rich, with themes developing over the course of the residencies.  The core teachers accompanied us through challenging themes, and visiting teachers and ministers encouraged us to stretch and learn.  At each residency, a person of presence held us all in prayer.

The past two years have been a time of growth and transition for me.  In addition to doing the program, I felt called to travel in the ministry as a minister and an elder, I served as co-clerk for the Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference, and I followed a leading to move from Seattle, Washington to Salem, Oregon to become clerk of my meeting, Freedom Friends Church. 

One of the program requirements was to meet with a care committee once a month.  I actually had two care committees, one in Washington and one in Oregon.  The women who served on these committees did so much more than support me as I went through the School of the Spirit program―they provided care and accountability for my ministry in all its forms.  I am so thankful for them.

A theme throughout the program for me was finding my voice.  I have struggled with my call to ministry, and this program gave me opportunities to practice in a safe and supportive environment.  During the fifth residency, I had the chance to speak on a panel about “the other as a prophetic role,” and in the sixth residency, I was able to share how my church does semi-programmed worship.  Both of those experiences were wonderful.

The research projects allowed me to explore ministry in a broader sense, and how I relate to the Religious Society of Friends as a young person and a woman.  In my first paper, I interviewed 15 Young Adult Friends about their experiences traveling in the ministry, and wrote about ways in which meetings can provide spiritual support for those who are experiencing that call.  In my second paper, I shared stories of seven women from different branches of Friends who have been recorded as ministers.  I felt encouraged by my conversations with Friends in working on both of these projects, and I was glad to be able to share their stories with others.

The School of the Spirit program has been incredible and life changing for me.  I feel so blessed by the people I met through this program, and I know that I will continue to learn from this experience.  I am so grateful to the Youth Opportunity Fund and the Lyman Fund for giving me grants making it possible for me to be a part of the class.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Request for Support

Dear Friends,

As many of you know, I have been offered one of the open places for the FWCC World Conference of Friends, which will take place in Kenya in April 2012. I have felt a clear leading to attend this conference, and I expect that it will be an amazing, life-changing experience.

Even though I will be attending the conference as an open place delegate, I will be representing my meeting, Freedom Friends Church. Freedom Friends does not have an official delegate for the conference, but when I applied for an open place, I told both my meeting and the conference organizers that I intended to represent my meeting. Freedom Friends was enthusiastic in its support of my leading. I am grateful for its care and I feel honored to represent the meeting to the wider world of Friends.

Although Freedom Friends is able to provide me with spiritual support, the meeting is unable to provide financial support for this ministry. I have been blessed with financial support from Friends Journal, which is covering the cost of my registration, and from my parents, who gave me British Airways miles to cover some of the cost of transportation. However, I still need to raise approximately $1,500 to cover the remainder of my travel costs (including airfare and vaccinations).

So I am writing to ask for support. If you feel so led, I would appreciate your support in the following ways:

• Prayer. Please pray for me as I continue to prepare for this conference.

• Financial support. If you can support me financially in this ministry, please email me.  My email address is ashleymwilcox AT gmail DOT com.

• Suggestions for grants/scholarships. I plan to apply for travel grants from the PYM International Outreach Granting Group and the NPYM Youth Opportunity Fund. I would appreciate any other suggestions you may have for scholarships or grants.

Thank you for your prayers and support.

In faith,

Ashley

Discernment

"Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil."  Luke 4:1-2.

Last summer, a committee I was on met to discern whether it was time to lay the committee down.  It was a hard decision.  We all cared a lot about the work we were doing, we had worked hard, and we had not achieved the results we hope for.

During our meeting, Chris H suggested three questions for our discernment:

1. Is it good work?
2. Is it mine?
3. Is it now?

These questions were very helpful.  We all knew that it was good work, but for some of us, it was not our work, at least, not at that time.

These three questions have come up for me several times over the past few months, in conversations with others and in my own attempts at discernment.  

When deciding whether to do something, I can get stuck on the first question and say "yes" to some work because I know that it is good, without considering whether it is mine.  It is easy to get distracted by all the need I see and lose focus on what God is calling me to do.  And I know I can hold on to things for too long.  It is important for me to realize when it is time for others to take up work that was once mine or might be mine at some point, but isn't right now.

Discernment is hard.  Each time I enter a period of discernment, I feel like I am back in the wilderness.  But it is helpful for me to remember that I have been here before and to remember the lessons I have learned so far along the way.

Being Home

I am not going to any yearly meetings this summer.  When I said that to some Friends recently, their response was, "Don't say that too loud!" as if a yearly meeting will suck me in because I am advertising my empty schedule.

This summer is so different from last summer, when I was released for ministry by a Margaret Fell Fund grant from Friends General Conference's Traveling Ministries Program.  I traveled to gatherings in five different states to worship with Friends.  I served as an elder, a minister, a conference organizer, and a representative of my yearly meeting.  It was an amazing time and I am so grateful to have had those opportunities.

At the time, I wrote about the challenge of finding balance and a rhythm in my day-to-day life.  Although my days look very different this summer, I am still trying to find that balance.  Now it is more about making time to pray in the mornings before I go to work and going for walks on my lunch break to remind myself to reconnect with God and nature.

This week is the FGC Gathering and I am not there.  I planned to go, I even registered, but then I became clear that I needed to stay home instead.  It has been hard for me in some ways, because I have a lot of friends who are there and who I miss, but I know that I am where I am supposed to be.

I have never been to the FGC Gathering, and it feels strange to miss an event that I have never attended, but I do.  I think it will be harder when others go to annual sessions for North Pacific Yearly Meeting and Northwest Yearly Meeting, which I have attended for the past two years.

Today, I read Peterson T's post about his experiences at the FGC Gathering and it made me laugh when he talked about the gluten-free drama.  It also reminded me of the time at NPYM annual session when I accidentally took a child's gluten-free toast instead of my own and smeared peanut butter all over it before realizing my mistake.  I felt horrible, like I had ruined everyone's breakfast.

And that's the thing about gatherings.  At times they are so wonderful―incredible things happen when Friends gather to spend time listening to God and to each other.  I have been fortunate to be a part of deeply grounded worship and to feel the presence of God among Friends.  But going to Quaker events also means unfamiliar beds and strange food and having to deal with a lot of people.  We all get cranky and sometimes we can be downright petty.

So this summer I am missing the spiritual highs and the lows.  I go to work each day and worship on first days at my home meeting, which is small but rich.  At times I feel insecure and worry that Friends will forget about me.  But I have been blessed by words from friends lately, reminding me that I don't know what impact my ministry will have, and that it's not about me anyway.

Another thing that is really different from last summer is that I am not moving.  Last year at this time, my house was filled with boxes.  Now I have been in my home for nearly a year, and it is so nice to know that I will be staying here for a while.

I have been on the go for so long that I had forgotten what it was like to have open space in my life, and I am learning to breathe into it.  As the space continues to open, I also have the opportunity to decide what I want to keep and what to let go.  And I am grateful.

Gifts to Share - Part 8

Conclusion

“Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you.”  I Timothy 4:14.

I felt honored and blessed in my conversations with these women.  I am grateful to them for sharing their stories with me with openness and candor.  They were honest about some of the difficulties they have faced, but expressed an amazing amount of joy in their ministries.  Many of them said that our conversation was a blessing for them too, in giving them space to reflect on their ministries.

I hope that these stories will be encouraging for other women discerning a call to ministry, and that they will inspire meetings to consider the gifts waiting to be called out in their communities.

The Ministers

Linda C, member of Housatonic Friends Meeting, New York Yearly Meeting (FUM-FGC)
§    First recorded in Croton Valley Friends Meeting (1996)
§    Transferred her membership and her recording to Housatonic Friends Meeting

Patty L, member of Davidson Friends Meeting, North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative)
§    Recorded in Charlotte Friends Meeting, North Carolina Yearly Meeting (FUM) (late 1980s)
§    Lay down her recording when she transferred her membership to Davidson Friends Meeting

Ann M, member of South Bend Monthly Meeting, Illinois Yearly Meeting (FGC)
§    First recorded in Chester River Meeting, Philadelphia Yearly Meeting (1985)
§    Transferred her membership and recording to Clear Creek Monthly Meeting, then jointly affiliated with Indiana Yearly Meeting (FUM) and Ohio Valley Yearly Meeting (FGC) (1987)
§    Transferred her membership and recording to West Richmond Monthly Meeting, Indiana Yearly Meeting (1998)
§    Lay down her recording when she transferred her membership to South Bend Monthly Meeting (2007)

Peggy P, pastor of Freedom Friends Church (Independent)
§    First recorded in Northwest Yearly Meeting (1994)
§    Later recorded in Freedom Friends Church (2004)

Darla S, pastor of Rivers Way Community, Northwest Yearly Meeting (EFCI)
§    Recorded in Northwest Yearly Meeting (2010)

Deborah S, member of Friendship Friends Meeting, North Carolina Yearly Meeting (Conservative)
§    Recorded in Friendship Friends Meeting (1998)

Deborah S, pastor of First Friends Meeting, North Carolina Yearly Meeting (FUM)
§    Recorded in Iowa Yearly Meeting (1996)
§    Transferred her membership and recording to North Carolina Yearly Meeting (FUM)

Resources

Drayton, Brian. On Living with a Concern for Gospel Ministry.  Quaker Press of Friends General Conference, Philadelphia, PA (2006), especially pp. 164-78, “On Being a Recorded Minister,” and pp. 179-88, “Sample Annual Reports to Monthly Meeting.”

Grundy, Martha Paxson. Tall Poppies: Supporting Gifts of Ministry and Eldering in the Monthly Meeting.  Pendle Hill Pamphlet #347 (1999), especially pp. 17-22, “A Process for Recognizing and Recording Gifts.”

New York Yearly Meeting pamphlet Recording Gifts in Ministry

Northwest Yearly Meeting’s reading list for recording ministers


[From the research paper I wrote for the School of the Spirit on the stories of women from different branches of Friends who have been recorded as ministers.]