A Forgotten Story

I've started working my way through the Old Testament again.  The other day, I read this strange little story about something that happened to Moses between seeing the burning bush and going to tell Pharaoh to let his people go.

At a lodging place on the way, the LORD met Moses and was about to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’ feet with it. “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,” she said. So the LORD let him alone. (At that time she said “bridegroom of blood,” referring to circumcision.) Exodus 4:24-26.

I don't have a nice little homily about this story.  We didn't learn it in Sunday school.  I don't remember ever hearing a sermon about it (and I have heard a lot of sermons).

I really only have two things to say about it:

1. It's not all burning bushes and parting seas.  
2. The Bible has a lot of stories about people interacting with God and some of them are just plain weird.

Imago Dei

God said to Moses, "I will make my Goodness pass right in front of you; I'll call out the name, God, right before you. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion."

God continued, "But you may not see my face. No one can see me and live."  Exodus 33:19-20.

 A few weeks ago, Sarah H brought the message for programmed worship at Freedom Friends Church.  She talked about the images we have of God, and shared some of the images that have been meaningful for her.  One of the things she said was that the images we have of God reflect ourselves more than they reflect God.

For me, that is literally true—two of the clearest images I have had of God are actually images of myself.

The first occurred at Northwest Yearly Meeting annual session in 2009.  As I wrote at the time, I was finding it difficult to be present in the meeting as a woman for a variety of reasons.  One was that the language Friends were using for God was almost exclusively and quite explicitly male.  Hearing God referred to as "he" over and over made me feel alienated, and did not reflect my experience of God.

I brought this sense of alienation to unprogrammed worship one evening.  As I settled into worship, a clear image came to me; it was the image of myself playing the role of the Holy Spirit in a skit I performed with Friends at North Pacific Yearly Meeting.

Photo by Western Friend

Although the skit itself was silly, in that moment, the image was so comforting.  It reminded me that despite others' use of male language, God could also look like me.

The second image of God also came to me in worship.  I was at the first School of the Spirit residency, at morning worship.  In that worship, there was a moment when I was utterly alone before God.  I could not actually see God—what I could see was a silhouette of myself, standing before an incredibly bright light.

I said, “God, I’m scared.  It’s too much.  I am afraid you will destroy me.”  Then God said, “I love you and I made you.  I would never destroy you!”

"When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, his face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord."  Exodus 34:29.

Sometimes when I give vocal ministry, I glow.  Friends have told me that I burn brightly and even that I am radiant.  That is hard for me to hear and makes me uncomfortable, but I know it is true because I have seen it in others.

As Friends, we believe that vocal ministry is speaking on behalf of God.  Sometimes when I speak, I can feel the power of God within me; other times, I feel broken and inadequate, but I speak anyway, because that is what I believe God is asking me to do.

Today at midweek prayer, we read the passage in Matthew 25 about God appearing in those who are hungry, thirsty, sick, or in prison.  We talked, as we often do, about the challenges of seeing God in others.  

As difficult it can be to see God in others, I believe it is also a gift.  God is overwhelming, but other people are not.  Seeing God in another person is a much gentler way of encountering God than seeing God face to face.

That also means that others can see God through me.  I think that may be more challenging—to acknowledge that, even in my brokenness, others can see the Holy Spirit in me.   Having my own images of God that are also images of myself helps me to believe that I can be an image of God for others.

How do we allow others to see God in us?  

How can we live into being images of God for each other?

Walking

Last fall, I was reading a novel about nuns.  At one point, one of the nuns took a walk at lunchtime to reconnect with God.  My first thought when I read that was, "I wish I was a nun, so that I could take lunchtime walks to reconnect with God!"  Then I realized how silly that was—I don't have to be a nun to do that!

Since then, walks during my lunch break have become one of my spiritual practices.  I walk and I pray and I try to pay attention.  Sometimes I put my ipod on shuffle and listen to whatever comes on.  In each season, I am grateful to live in such a beautiful place.  

Yesterday, I brought my camera along; here are some of the things I saw.

Odds and Ends

I haven't felt led to write much here lately, but that doesn't mean that nothing is happening!  Life has been pretty full lately, and there is more to come.  Here are a few of the things going on around here.

Friends Journal.  The Friends Journal special issue on Quaker women in ministry came out a few weeks ago and included an article I wrote called "Walking the Labyrinth."  In the article, I talked about some of my experiences in traveling ministry and how I felt called to clerk Freedom Friends Church.  I had forgotten how different it is to have something published rather than posting online—this encapsulates how I felt when I wrote it in May, but of course I am in a different place now.  I recommend the whole issue.  It has many wonderful articles by School of the Spirit graduates as well as women from the Pacific Northwest, including Cherice B and an article that was also posted online by Becky A.

Preparing for the World Conference.  The FWCC World Conference of Friends is just six months away!  I have been preparing by fundraising, getting vaccinations and prescriptions, and holding the gathering in prayer.  It has been exciting to see news about the conference on the website, including the study booklet, which is offered to a resource to all Friends, whether or not they are attending the conference.  The conference organizers also recently posted a list of everyone who has registered so far.

Visiting Friends.  After five months of staying pretty close to home, I was back on the road last weekend.  I got a rental car and took a quick trip to Seattle.  I was glad to have the car; it allowed me to do a lot more than I could have if I had relied on public transportation.  It was wonderful to see friends, celebrate babies and birthdays, and worship at University Friends Meeting, where I sojourned for three years.  Next weekend, I am going to visit friends in Portland and plan to worship at Multnomah Monthly Meeting.

Programmed Worship.  This year on fifth Sundays, Freedom Friends has been experimenting with different kinds of worship.  Instead of our usual semi-programmed worship, we have alternated between unprogrammed worship and programmed worship when a month happens to have a fifth Sunday.  This month, we will have programmed worship on fifth Sunday, with Sarah H bringing the message.  I think everyone has enjoyed this experiment and it will be interesting to see whether we will continue it next year.

Back to normal?  The following Sunday will be our regularly scheduled business meeting.  It is hard to believe that it is almost November again—time is going so fast!  

In the article I wrote for Friends Journal, I said that traveling ministry is an exercise in listening to God and to others, trying to be faithful in responding to whatever happens.  Of course, that's really what life is.  So I'll keep trying, and hopefully post here about some of my experiences!

Nakedness

As you may have heard, Jon W has a new CD out.

The album is called "Clothe Yourself in Righteousness" and is available for sale on Jon's website, along with a pamphlet about the spiritual symbolism of nakedness by Maggie H.

I have not read the pamphlet yet, but I have listened to the CD, and it is beautiful.  Jon does more than take off his clothes in this music—he bares his soul.  Jon is a poet and a prophet: he speaks the truth and is willing to be vulnerable and let the light of Christ shine through him.

Recently, a dear friend and elder wrote,

There is a cadre of Young Friends at present who are showing us older Friends how to reach across the boundaries Friends have allowed to separate us, recognizing and claiming the spiritual gifts of all kinds of Friends and knitting them together.  They are passionate in their faith, ready to sacrifice much to be witnesses for it. 

Jon is one of these Friends.  I am grateful for his faithfulness, and I encourage you to listen to his music and support him in his ministry.

Blessing

I have started meeting with a spiritual director once a month and it has been a lovely experience so far.  The woman I see is a Benedictine oblate with a gentle, loving presence.  She reminds me that God loves me, a message that I often need to hear.

Yesterday, she brought a blessing by John O'Donohue, which we read aloud to bless each other.  It seems like the perfect thing for the beginning of a work week, so I thought I'd share it here.

A Blessing for What We Do

by John O'Donohue

May the light of your soul guide you.

May the light of your soul bless the work you do with the secret love and warmth of your heart.

May you see in what you do the beauty of your own soul.

May the sacredness of your work bring healing, light, and renewal to those who work with you and to those who see and receive your work.

May your work never weary you.

May it release within you wellsprings of refreshment, inspiration, and excitement.

May you be present in what you do.

May you never become lost in the bland absences.

May the day never burden.

May dawn find you awake and alert, approaching your new day with dreams, possibilities, and promises.

May evening find you gracious and fulfilled.

May you go into the night blessed, sheltered, and protected.

May your soul calm, console, and renew you.

Amen.

Forgiving

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:21-22)

During the school year, I attend a mid-week Methodist prayer meeting on the campus across the street from work.  We get together to read a passage from the lectionary three times, share briefly about what speaks to us from that passage, sing a song, and pray for ourselves and the world.  The chaplains who lead this meeting are well aware that I am a Quaker and, though it is not my tradition, I enjoy the liturgy.

Yesterday, we read the passage from Matthew on how many times we should forgive someone who sins against us.  It is a familiar passage, and I had always understood those verses to mean that we should forgive our brother each time he sins against us.

That's hard.  

But as I listened to the verses and then read them aloud myself, I heard them a different way.  I realized that I also need to keep forgiving another person who has wronged me for the same thing.

It is so much easier to forgive someone than to keep forgiving them.  I will forgive someone for something and think I am over it, but then later (sometimes months later!), I will feel angry and hurt again about whatever it was that happened.

Letting go is hard.  Forgiving over and over is hard.  But maybe if I do it seventy-seven times, it will actually stick.