FGC Gathering: Re-Entry

Just over three weeks ago, I had a yard sale.  In preparation for my move to Atlanta in August, I sold just about anything I thought I could do without for the next few months.

On the morning of the sale, I realized that I had forgotten to include a large glass vase.  I was busy getting things ready for the sale, so I set the vase on top of a bookshelf in the dining room.

Yard Sale, photo by Alivia B

A few minutes later, when I was in another room, I heard a crash and breaking glass.  I immediately knew what had happened: one of my cats had knocked over the vase and broken it on the floor.  I ran out, locked the cats in another room, and began to pick up the pieces.  Without thinking, I started to scoop up the smaller bits of glass with my bare hands—a stupid idea, which resulted in a small shard of glass imbedding itself in the tip of my right middle finger, where it stayed.

Over the following week, I tried various methods to get the glass sliver out of my finger, to no avail.  It was painful, but invisible, and I could see that it was not infected.  I realized that I just needed to wait for the glass to naturally work its way out of my finger.

After a few days, it no longer hurt, but it was strange to know (and to be able to feel) that there was a small piece of glass in my body.  Just yesterday—three weeks after the sale and when I had nearly forgotten about it—the glass finally started to come to the surface of my fingertip.

Coincidentally (or more likely, not), yesterday was also the day I had set aside for re-entry after returning home from the FGC Gathering.  In my slowed-down, processing state, my healing finger seemed like an apt metaphor for some of the deeper healing that happened for me at the Gathering—healing of deep spiritual wounds that I didn't know I still had.

I feel like I am just starting to understand some of the healing that has taken place.  I know that I will write more about my experiences at the Gathering because I need to report back to my meeting and the Pickett Endowment, but I don't have the words quite yet.

Instead, I am working through my feelings with art and music.  I spent most of meeting yesterday creating this Venn diagram of what happened for me at the Gathering (and what did not).

Venn diagram

I have also been singing and listening to music.  If I were to choose a theme song for my time at the Gathering, it would be Storm Large's "Angels in Gas Stations," which I probably listened to close to 20 times while I was there.

Blessings, Friends.

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*UPDATE 7/15/13*

I did, in fact, have a lot to say about my experiences at the FGC Gathering, once I had a little more time to process.  Here are the posts I wrote about it:

FGC Gathering: Some Thoughts on Privilege

FGC Gathering: Vocal Ministry

Dialogue II

FGC Gathering: Report

Traveling Minute and Endorsements

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Convergent Friends Workshop Email

[Sent to the Friends registered for the Convergent Friends workshop I am leading at the FGC Gathering.]

Dear Friends,

I am looking forward to seeing all of you in just a few weeks at the FGC Gathering!  Aimee and I are praying for you and for our time together in the Convergent Friends workshop.

One thing that we ask everyone to do between now and the Gathering is to spend some time each day doing a spiritual practice.  Some suggestions for a daily spiritual practice are:

• Spending time in worship or prayer
• Reading scripture or from the workshop reading list
• Taking a walk with intention
• Setting the intention of loving each person you encounter

If you would like some other suggestions, the FGC New Meetings Project has put together a helpful handout on Tips for Developing a Regular Spiritual Practice.  This is one way for us to start feeling connected and intentional about our time together.

I hope that you all have safe and pleasant travels!

Blessings,

Ashley

Recorded.

Ashley M. Wilcox has been recognized as ordained by God and is recorded by Freedom Friends Church as a minister of the Gospel and is permitted to perform the services of an ordained minister as authorized by the laws of the State of Oregon.  June 2, 2013

Invitation

What:  Meeting for Worship for Business and Recording
When:  10:30 a.m. on June 2, 2013
Where:  Freedom Friends Church, 2425 13th St. SE, Salem, OR 97302
Bring:  cupcakes or pie

Freedom Friends Church is expecting to record a Minister of the Gospel next month. On June 2, a recommendation to record Ashley W will be brought to the meeting.

Quakers record gifts of ministry after they have been witnessed, we believe that only God can ordain.

Many Friends here know and love Ashley and we hope that you can join us for the celebration.  If you cannot attend, please consider sending a written note, poem, or prayer. These may be sent to the church address.

Five Years

I realized a couple days ago that I had missed my blog's fifth birthday.  (Actually, I posted on it, but not about that.)  I wrote my first post for this blog on April 29, 2008, so today it is five years and five days old.  That's a long time!  

So, in honor of five years of blogging, I am going to list the top five most popular posts.  I don't have reliable stats to back this up, but I'm pretty sure these ones have gotten more hits than the rest.

Joyful Alaskan Friends:  A description of visiting Anchorage Friends Meeting and Anchorage Friends Church in August 2008.  (This post still gets regular hits from people looking for Friends in Alaska.)

Voice:  A post about finding my voice during a School of the Spirit residency.

Dialogue:  A satirical script about miscommunication between young adult Friends and older Friends while traveling in the ministry.

Another Way (LGBT):  Some reflections on the Bible and sexuality after returning from the Sixth World Conference of Friends.

The Cost of Traveling Ministry:  A budget of the expenses and financial aid for a trip I made last summer traveling in the ministry.

A lot has changed over the past five years, but a lot has stayed the same too.  I am still a member of Freedom Friends Church and I still share my home with two orange cats.

And I am still grateful.

I am grateful to everyone who has read my blog over the years: Friends, non-Friends, and ex-Friends, Christians, Pagans, Jews, and atheists.  Thank you for your comments, emails, prayers, and support.  Thank you for sharing what I have written and for letting me know when I have missed the mark.  Thank you for introducing me to Friends around the world who continue to challenge me with your writing and your faithfulness.  

Thank you.

Edges

It feels strange to tell a story about skiing when it was in the 70s all last week, but I am going to anyway.  (It is stranger that it was in the 70s all last week in Salem, Oregon, in April.  And that the predicted high for Saturday is 84.  Climate change is real, you guys.)

When I was growing up in Alaska, I loved to go downhill skiing and I got pretty good at it.  One day, I was out skiing with my mom and conditions were perfect.  It was sunny and the mountain was covered in soft, fresh powder.  My mom was ahead of me, so I took a run pretty quickly.  

Then, close to the bottom, my ski caught and I wiped out spectacularly.  I wasn't hurt, but I went head over heels, and my skis and poles all went in different directions.  I got up and collected my skis and poles and skied the rest of the way down.

When I caught up to my mom, she was waiting with a friend, an older man who was an excellent skier.  I was hanging my head because I knew they had both seen me wipe out.  Then the friend said to me, "Don't be embarrassed.  When you fall like that, it means you are skiing right at the edge of your ability."

A few weeks ago, I met with my recording committee for the last time.  We didn't have a topic for the meeting, we just met to spend some time in worship and see what arose.  

During our conversation, one person said that, when you do ministry, you have to be prepared to fail often.  I told the committee my story about skiing and wiping out, and said that sometimes I have the sense that I am doing ministry right at the edge of my ability.  

Sometimes I make it through and breathe a sigh of relief; sometimes I wipe out spectacularly.  But I hope to have the strength to get back up and try again.

Asking for Money (Again)

There was a time a few years ago when it seemed like everyone was asking me, "Are you sure you don't want to go to seminary?"

My standard response was, "No.  I can't afford it."  

Like most people who go to law school these days, I took out some sizable student loans to pay for my education.  I have been faithfully sending in money each month for several years, but it will be a long time before I am finished paying those loans off.

Now I am going to seminary in the fall.  I still can't afford it.

I have been very fortunate: all three of the schools I applied to offered me full-tuition scholarships.  One offered me a generous living stipend as well.  Unfortunately, it was not the school I felt led to attend.  

Last month, I was on a plane between school visits, praying.  My prayer went something like this: "Hey God, this school is offering me a lot of money.  It is really hard to say no to that.  What should I do?"

The response I got was, "Since when do you make decisions based on money?"

Of course, that is right.  If I made decisions based on money, I would have made a lot of different decisions over the past few years, up to and including applying for seminary.  But I don't make decisions based on money; I try to make decisions based on how I discern God is leading me.

A few days later, I was sitting on the campus at Candler School of Theology, waiting for a friend to pick me up, when a student walked up to me and handed me small card with a piece of chocolate taped to it.  The card said,

"So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you."  Isaiah 41:10

I went home and sent a letter to the school that had offered me so much money, thanking them for their generous offer and letting them know that I would be attending Candler.

Even though I have a full-tuition scholarship, I will need money for living expenses.  I am planning to get a part-time job while I am in school and I am going to take out more student loans.  At this point, that feels somewhere between a leap of faith and flat-out crazy.  But I believe this is the path God is putting me on, and I will do my best not to fear or be dismayed.

So I am asking for money again, as I have so many times before.  Would you be willing to contribute to help cover the cost of my theological education?  Any amount helps.  If so, please see the letter at the end of this post for information about how to make a contribution.

Another way to support me is through gift cards.  Two of the expenses I will have in the fall are food and books.  I would especially appreciate gift cards for Kroger, Powell's Books, or Whole Foods.

Finally, if you know of any scholarships that could help defray some of the cost of my education, I would love to know about them.  You can leave a comment here or email me; my email address is: ashleymwilcox AT gmail DOT com.

Thank you to all of you who have supported me in prayer and financially.  My ministry would not be possible without you.

* * *

[A letter from the Candler School of Theology Office of Financial Aid.]

Dear Colleagues in Ministry,

It is my pleasure to inform you that Ashley Wilcox has been admitted to Candler School of Theology's Master of Divinity degree program, beginning in the fall 2013 semester.  Ashley has also been selected to receive our Honors Scholarship.

The Honors Scholarship provides a $19,800 award.  This award is renewable each year, based upon maintenance of a minimum GPA requirement.

Candler's mission is "to educate faithful and creative leaders for the church's ministries in the world."  It is our hope that you will partner with us to assist Ashley in funding her theological education.  While Ashley's scholarship addresses tuition expenses, the actual cost of attending Candler this year is $44,009.  I invite you to make a contribution to Ashley's theological education.  You may alert me of your intention to make a contribution by letter, fax (404-727-2915), or email (candlerfinancialaid@emory.edu).  This will allow me to include your contribution as "Anticipated Aid" on Ashley's student account.

To ensure your contribution assists with fall semester expenses, please send it to Candler's Office of Financial Aid by August 15.  (Spring semester contributions are encouraged by January 15.)  Checks should be made payable to Emory University and mailed to my attention at

Candler School of Theology
Office of Financial Aid
1531 Dickey Drive
Atlanta, GA  30322

Candler's scholarship programs, along with generous support from individuals, local churches, community groups, and denominational bodies help make theological education possible for promising candidates for ministry, teaching, and service.  We believe that an investment in Ashley and students like her is an investment in the future of the church and society.  Please accept our thanks in advance for the support, both financial and spiritual, that you will provide Ashley in the days ahead.

Warmest regards,

Lisa Parker
Financial Aid Advisor
404-727-6326
candlerfinancialaid@emory.edu